Finally Ready To Share

I stumbled across this site by accident when I was looking for information on chakras. After reviewing that, I decided to start reading experiences that many of you wrote and they really hit home. I want to apologize to you all in advance because my experiences that I want to share with you all may be long. It's so hard to talk about this with others and this is my first time really talking about my experiences in detail. I have many stories and don't even know where to start.

For as long as I can remember (I'm 30) anytime I walked into a room, I either felt comfortable or extremely uneasy. My basement always scared me and I use to be afraid to be down there alone. I must have re-arranged the furniture down there a million times, to try and find a way to feel comfortable down there. I never really succeeded, I only learned how to somewhat tolerate it as I got older. I was always told by family members and friends I'm way to sensitive and I tend to act emotional and I'm too giving in helping others. Psychics have always told me that I have a psychic ability and that I don't know how to control or use it and I'm a sponge with energy around me. I already knew this but this past week is when I finally really opened myself up this is and looked at everything.

The first time I remember seeing a spirit in my household, I believe I was around 11 or 12 and initially it didn't scare me. I find a lot of them I've seen in my house over the years are just spirits passing through. That was later confirmed for me by psychics I've spoken too.

I've seen black shadows, yellow eyes, seen a lamp move back and forth, had a spirit touch my breast, seen a spirit animal, felt the ground move (we didn't have an earthquake, I checked the news), spoken to a spirit that said he was my guardian angel named Matthew, felt something get into bed with me and caress my face on many occasions, have heard my name being called, I'm always constantly getting de ja vu, I have had sleep paralysis so many times and get a lot of mixed emotions at home and different environments. I get severe nightmares that are so vivid that I'm literally a grown woman that goes to her parent's room to wake them up. For years I felt there was something bad around me and I always prayed and made my mom bring the priest to our house twice to bless it.

Growing up I always felt like I was my younger sister protector and why I felt this way is because I constantly was dreaming that the 'devil' was after her. My dreams were so vivid. I would have the same dream all the time and I would always wake up before I was able to save her. Only until last year, did this finally go away because I managed to save her in my dream against the 'devil'.

The night before my grandfather died, I asked my father to drive me to the hospital to visit him because I had an overwhelming feeling that I should go. My father told me he was too tired and would take me tomorrow, I got into a huge argument with him and he finally to shut me up took me to the hospital to see my grandfather. When I came, home that night and went to sleep, I dreamt about my grandfather staring at me with his bright blue eyes, trying to say something to me and before he could I woke up to the phone ringing in the house. That was the call to say my grandfather passed away that night.

When I was 18 my cousin and I bought a Ouija board for fun and I kept it at my house. (I know they are not a good idea) I eventually started playing with it alone and of course it felt addicting. The spirit was a little girl and she told me I was her mother. She started visiting me in my dreams, where I would fix her hair etc. My dreams of her started increasingly getting more and more aggressive. Then I had a vivid nightmare of her where she turned into something else, I instantly woke up only to realize there was something at the foot of my bed, I started to cry and pray and managed to get my sister to turn the light on in the room (we shared a room). After this, we got rid of it, whatever my mom did to it, it worked (my mom reads cups and I call her a white witch). We brought the priest to the house and blessed it.

I've had premonitions, one that I was going to be in an accident and 2 weeks later it happened, I rear ended someone (everyone was okay), premonition on an ex, I saw him talking to another woman, few weeks later I found out he was cheating.

Recently, I went to a psychic who told me I'm "blocked" and told me that someone did a reading on me behind my back with a picture of me and because of this reading I have a 'bad or negative cloud' that follows me everywhere and I can't seem to move past it. She also told me that my third eye is cracked, my heart chakra is really small and it's bleeding into my stomach. So, I've been on the quest now to learn about these. I've started meditating, but it feels kind hard. Two days ago when I meditated I saw my grandmother who passed away 3 years ago. She was walking in an airport holding someone's hand and I called out to her and she stopped and turned around and I told her I love her and was surprised to see her. What does that mean? Also tonight when I meditated, I was doing a meditation to meet my spirit guide and as I pictured going up a set of stairs to my safe place filled with nature, I didn't see myself doing it, what came to mind was that little girl (the Ouija board one) jumping up the stairs and waiting for me to get to the top and her sitting at the very top of the stairs. I couldn't complete this mediation. What does that mean? I'm so confused with all this.

I'm sure I have more experiences that I'll add in other entries. It feels great to get this all out. I'm very sorry for the length of this and I hope it all made sense.