Finally Admitting This

I have not spoken much to anyone about the abilities I have, one due to fear they would reject and criticize me and two, because it still blows me away when these things happen. I don't like to use the word psychic because it's so commercial, but I will share a few experiences to give you an idea of the variety of things I experience. I have been doing lots of research on why and how this all works so I can be educated about it as much as I can. I have been studying and learning about energy, intuition and the spirit world now that I am not afraid. I do not see spirits, but can sense the energy of those around me, whether living or not. I have blocked this for many years out of fear of messing around with things I do not know and not wanting to invite dark or negative energy into my life. I strive to be a being of love and light and to provide healing to others if I can, that is my daily goal. I am a very social person, however over the last few years I have become a bit recluse in wanting to learn and understand these things I'm going through as it's been getting stronger and more precise. I guess it's part of what some would call a spiritual awakening, but since I'm still learning I don't want to put any labels on it. God has been so gracious in His patience with me and in allowing some abilities to wait until I was ready. I blocked a lot of the spirit stuff out for a long time, just didn't want anything to do with it (and afraid of it). Yet for all my life, after someone passes away I am always unable to sleep for a few days, keep the lights on and never questioned why until now.

When I was a child I saw shadow people in doorways in my dreams all the time, though I didn't know at the time that's what they were. (Til this day I don't sleep in the dark). I knew angels were around me, though I didn't see them, I just knew. I can pick up on the characteristics of people just by meeting them and being in their presence. People tell me their deepest secrets within minutes of meeting me and feel they can trust me with everything. I strive to be a good listener and not let people know that I know more about them than they think I do. I will throw things out there only to have them confirm it time and time again, gasping with "OMG how did you know that?!?" People have joked around and called me psychic, a witch, accused me of stalking them, etc. To which I just laugh it off and move along as to not draw attention to myself, especially since I am still figuring all of this out. My intuition is very strong and is NEVER wrong. I have no idea how I know some of the things I do, but I follow my gut always, regardless of what the situation is about. It can be as simple as "cross the street now" if someone with bad energy is coming my way, or "don't go to this place tonight" or "don't take this job", whatever it is. I trust I am being guided with my best intention at heart. I don't know what the purpose of me having clairvoyance is but I trust that will be revealed to me.

I have premonitory dreams. One recent example is I had a dream the world was ending by small rocks/pebbles falling from the sky. I was walking around a neighborhood and noticed mostly everyone in the area was Hispanic and frantically afraid running around. I didn't understand it whatsoever until I woke up and turned on the news. It was the morning after the Orlando nightclub shooting... And I just happened to be visiting Orlando at the time. I actually didn't put the dots together, a friend of mine who was with me did and they were freaked out by it. That's just one example of what my dreams tell me sometimes. I am also a conscious dreamer, meaning I am very aware that I am sleeping when asleep. I can fly, do anything and manifest anything I want because I know I am asleep and can wake myself up when I don't like what's going on. I've had the temporary paralysis upon waking from a dream where you are falling happen a few times in my life. Now I understand that those are out of body experiences. Still not very clear on how that works yet either, but it hasn't happened in years. Not sure I want to mess around with that. When I try to meditate I fear I will go too far and not be able to come back... If that makes any sense. I'm sure some of you will be able to relate to that fear. Meditation is POWERFUL.

I met someone new once and immediately thought for some strange reason that they wouldn't live a long life. They were a great person, beautiful spirit and we got along well. They called me one night and I didn't answer, but they left a voicemail that was cut short with muffled sounds and a word I could barely make out before it cut off. I thought nothing of it. That night, I was in my room and I see a moving shadow/cloud like figure in my room. At this point, I could tell the approximate age and sex of the energy present and thought perhaps it was one of my deceased relatives playing a joke on me (before this I had never had a physical encounter with a spirit while awake, only in dreams). It came close to my face (I could not make out any features, it was just a shadow) as if to kiss me, then wrapped itself around me with a feeling of "thank you" then disappeared. I thought it was strange but kept going about my evening and thought nothing of it. About a week later I realized I hadn't heard from my friend. I called and their voicemail was full. At that moment I knew they had passed away... Not sure how I knew but I felt it in my gut. I googled them only to find the RIP messages on social media. I lost it, cried for days and upset that I did not answer the phone that night. Turns out that was the night they died. They came to say goodbye. It still hurts until this day.

Another instance is I was researching mediumship online at work and as I was reading felt a presence in my office. I took a deep breath and tried to not be afraid. I did not physically see anything but in my minds eye got a vision of an old lady in a white hospital gown. She was behind me, placed her hands on my shoulder (which I did not feel, only visioned) as if to say you are a nice person, then left. I left work shortly after and was on the phone with my friend. As we were talking she got a text message that her grandmother had just passed away. I told her, oh I think she passed away around this time (gave her the time the spirit showed up) and she said no, she thinks it happened earlier that morning since she has been in the hospital the last few days. A few minutes passed while we were still talking then she said, "Oh wait, my uncle just texted and said she passed away at this specific time" (the exact time I mentioned to her). I also told her what she was wearing. She wasn't too freaked out but wanted to know how on earth I knew that as there was no possible way I could've known the exact time she passed away. Since she was in mourning I didn't want to throw her off with details but as we were speaking on the phone she was home alone after finding out this news. She said she was eerily calm and at peace, though she and her grandmother were very close and didn't understand why. I was able to tell her it's because her grandmother was right there with her comforting her and why she did not feel a sense of loss. That she could speak to her because she was listening.

These occurrences are all recent and only a few examples. I don't know what the purpose of my having these abilities is and the list of others goes on, I just don't want to bore you with all of it. I do not want to see spirits and make that very clear. When I feel a presence and I am not up for the encounter I say no and they go away (I still get a bit nervous at times). I am not trying to make money off of any of these abilities and I'm not 100% confident yet as to the what and why. For example, I totally knew Trump was going to win, but that could just be a 50/50 guess right? I still doubt and give credit to logical explanations as to not get too far ahead of myself. This entry was just so I could say it all out loud for a chance and possibly connect with others going through similar transformations and experiences so I don't feel so alone in it. I write daily so I can get it all out, look for what synchronizes, etc. And continue to see how I can grow and help people with all this without drawing any kind of attention to myself. It's not that I think people who make money off of fortune telling or giving readings are bad people, I just don't think it's the right thing to do with it. Just my personal opinion. I am very much a beginner in all this and am excited to see how it goes from here. Thanks for reading!