I have only just started to share my experiences with others and with good reason. What I do on a daily basis for my community is difficult enough. Adding these other senses can make it absolutely unbearable. I work with addicts and alcoholics. I know it's my calling so I cope. Until four days ago.
There's this wonderfully gifted and charming poet/painter in my life. We are great friends and have collaborated on many projects. Over the past few years we became rather close. Common interest and spiritual alignments as well. I was so blind to this riptide that was coming.
My friend came over and he was noticeably changed. Physical characteristics and mannerisms. His eyes most of all. Shifty, dark, hidden under his greasy hair. When around my friends I literally try to shut everything off. How ever possible. They deserve privacy and some respect I feel. No offense to anyone who disagrees. I gave him the benefit of the doubt and acted as I usually would. Gave him a hug and it hit me. He's going to die in January just before my mother's 58th birthday. In San Francisco's not so pretty area if you follow my lead. He will be alone outside and due to where his body is it'll be a while before discovery.
Feeling that, I lost my composure. He's 21 years of age currently. He will be a few days shy of his 7th month of being 22. I also felt things when we spent our time together. He's prostituting and living off of drugs intravenously for fuel. I never thought this person would ever do this to themselves. My next discovery was the fact he really didn't care about the consequences of that type of self centered and distructive behavior. He actually got a kick out of being on the edge of life and death. His eyes were black no light to them. The craft or vision for his artistry altered and less refined. I even let him take things of mine that were only of value to me. (Stole for me)
How do you tell someone you love this type of thing? My vision was clear and so detailed. I've been completely shut off to my abilities unless they have a connection to him. What does that mean? Imprinting? Or am I subconsciously focusing on my dear friend? His name of all the names in the world is Chance. He deserves one and normally influence would be my go to. The drugs have made that impossible at this stage in the disease he suffers from. Anyone with any words of wisdom please email me
Iloveyouberniethebear@gmail.com
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