Things I Can't Explain

Ever since I was about 6 years old I have felt weird, cold feelings. These feelings come at the oddest times and I always I guess "just know" when something bad is going to or has happened. I have had dreams and they eventually come true. After each encounter I tell myself that there is a white light surrounding me and my family and that no matter what happens everything will be alright. The very first dream I had took place at about the age of nine. My mom started crying and getting stressed out a lot and whenever I would hug her a huge sad and dark feeling would come over me. This one day I was laying with my mom watching tv and she kissed my forehead when suddenly I felt like somebody had just stabbed me in the kidney area. The pain only lasted about a minute. I kissed my mom and went to bed. That night I dreamt my mom went to the hospital and she was diagnosed with cancer. I woke up immediately and I was soaked with sweat but shaking with chills. I just shook it off and went back to sleep. Not even a week later my mom went to the doctors and they found traces of cancer in her stomach. My mom got really sick, her whole diet had to be changed. I next had a dream that my cousin, who I called aunty, passed away from alcohol poisoning. Again waking up immediately sweating and shivering. Again I shook it off because my aunty NEVER ever drank alcohol. About a year later she passed away of alcohol poisoning. I have gotten feelings with small things like relationships, or friends relationships, dreamt about things each time with those dreams coming true. When I was 11 I had a dream that somebody had molested me, it was somebody I knew and trusted but his face was too shadowed over to see. I was really scared but as months went by I had no dreams and nothing had happened so ultimately I stopped worrying. Right before my 12th birthday my uncle came over to my house and was drinking with my parents. My uncle slept in my room that I had been sharing with his 4 year old daughter. That night he molested me and almost raped me. He passed out before he got to that point. It screwed me over for a long time. My next dream took place when I was 14. I had a dream that my best friends grandma passed away. I had this dream when my family and I were away from home. When we returned home I had a ton of missed calls from my best friend and I called back and she told me that her grandma passed away. I had another encounter when my uncle came over this one night and I got a ton of bad vibes from him it was like so many bad feelings, they were dark and cold and I felt really sad and all I could see was hurt in his eyes. He went home and I went to bed and before I fell asleep all I could think about was my uncle and if he was going to be okay. I had a dream that he was sitting in this dark room crying and he kept saying it's over. I can't do it. It's my time. And he was gone. I woke up with the same thing that happened every other time. Sweat, and shivers. I knew that it was real, I knew he had committed suicide. It was about 3 am and our phone rang. It was my aunty and she told my mom that my uncle had hung himself.

Then, the dreams happened less and less, and they were feelings. I would meet someone and have bad vibes and when they like shook my hand or touched me or anything I would see things in my head, id get those shivers and feel light headed. Every ounce of blood in my body tells me to remove myself from the situation safely. It happens all the time. With men and women, even children. I have bad feelings following me around everywhere I go. But every time I enter my ex boyfriends house it's like they completely go away and I feel safe and at ease. There are so many other things little and big that I can't even think of right now. This one night in particular my friends and I were feeling like experimenting with "magic mushrooms" I had so much energy and none at the same time I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt so negative and we were all fighting and arguing which we never ever do. It was like a big circle of hatred. Then out of nowhere my guy friend started to feel sick and suddenly his body glitched and he started shaking as if he was having a seizure. It lasted about 20 seconds. Then he felt really hot. And then he was fine. All of a sudden I got super hot headed and light headed and this crackling long noise came into my head and my body glitched and I couldn't hear or see anything. I couldn't feel anything and I didn't know what was happening when it was happening. My friends tried to call my name and pull me back to their world. This lasted almost 2 minutes. And when I came back their voices were still distant and I had no idea what had just happened. I was so scared. The noise was still so loud in my head I had them turn off all of the electricity. I said okay I'm back let's go inside I'm done with this stuff. I wanted to go inside before it happened to the third person involved and I knew we had next to no time to get inside. And then as we were going inside my house it happened to my other friend. She lost control of her body and fell forward and ended up cracking her head on the corner of our concrete steps, and completely splitting it open. I was terrified. After everything we promised to never touch any drug again, and my guy friend assured me it was over, that we never had to deal with this again. But I didn't buy it. I told myself that it was just something in the mushrooms and that its life. It took us all quite a while to get over it. And once we finally did, and put it in our past, my best friend started feeling sick out of nowhere (and this was months later, about 3 or 4) she said dude I'm screwed up... Something is wrong... And I felt it too. So we sat down in the mall and I was out of it. We weren't on anything. I was out of reality and into my own world, and then my friend called my name a few times and said something's wrong with em! I immediately knew and snapped back to reality. My best friend flew back and lost control of her body. She was choking on her gum and shaking like she was having a seizure. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head, she wasn't responding to me. I grabbed her body and turned her over so she wouldn't choke. And I continued to call her name. Terrified that this was happening yet again, I refused to believe this was a coincidence. It lasted almost a minute. I immediately helped her up and told her to walk to the bathroom. I called my girl friend that was present the first time it happened and told her what had happened at that moment.

I can't grasp onto what's going on or why these things happen to me. I keep researching the events that take place. I need answers, it's an on-going battle happening in my mind. I don't know if I'm crazy or as some call it "gifted". It plays with my mind and puts me into deep thought constantly. I need to know if there's anybody out there that's had the things happen to them, frequently like myself. I'm terrified there is something surrounding me and I don't know if it's all in my head or if this all is real. Please give me any advice or feedback if you can. Thank you brley21.