What Brought Me Here

For the past 2 weeks, I've had this unshakable feeling that something tragic is about to happen-this is something that has developed over the past year or so. I was super-depressed, but I didn't know why, and was vocal about knowing this profound depression wasn't becasause things are bad for me. The depression became sickness, and I was having to lay down durring lunch and even 15 minute breaks in a dark room. I was waking up gasping for air nightly around 4am every night. A week ago, my Grandmother states at a lunch get-together that she estimates her fiance "Jack" has 6 months to live. I just think of it as an awkward social commentary.

Last week: The depression and sickness are now all consuming, I'm unable to deal with anything in my real life. Wednesday comes, and I'm so distraught over this dread that something terrible is going to happen that I have to leave work early and rush to my psychiatrist, desperate for relief. I make it to Friday (my birthday) still feeling down, I remember having a dream the night before that I was in a building, and I'm looking for someone. I ask who appears to be a hostess if she has seen "..." and she interupts me.

"We don't use names here, but I know who you are looking for."

She then says "the person you are looking for is just GONE." The dream ends and I go to work (my birthday). I jsut can't jenjoy my birthday becasue I have this dark cloud looking over me of KNOWING something bad is going to happen. Later that night I get a message from my mom--my Grandma's fiance' passed away today and the sickness is gone. This was the event I've been dreading.

My fundamental error is that I think something bad is going to happen to me, but never does. It's always someone I know.

I can't see the future, but I can feel it, and I can never know what the event will be, but will recognize it once it happens.

I told my mom, "I had a dream that someone I was looking for was JUST GONE. And I've been sick for 2 weeks knowing smomething bad is comming. My mom says "You must be psychic" so I forward the message to a close friend of mine. She replies, "I told you you were psychicly sensitive a month ago." This tragic news was also kind of a relief to me."It" was over and I realized that when I feel this it's not about me.

My close friends heveals herself to me as an "empathic", and she was reluctant to tell me what she felt in me.

I accepted my new reality at that moment and spent te rest of the weekend deep in research. So here I am.