My dad just died 4 days ago. Evil awful man I cut out of my life a long time ago. (Physically, sexually, psychologically, financially abusive). I was planning on going down to the funeral only for my siblings. Yesterday for the first time I starting crying and couldn't stop all day long. Which sucked because it was my sister's birthday and I was trying to be there for her. I promised her at 3pm today we would leave for Vegas for my father's funeral/seeing our brothers beforehand. It's been a very long time. We live far away from each other and all struggle financially. Everything was fine I was packed and I was supposed to sleep for 5 hours get up get ready and go.
My sister woke me up 5Xs because she was anxious even though I told her not to because I was already only getting a maximum of 5 hours of sleep. I was tired but I felt normal and went back to sleep. My alarm went off. I felt a dark terrifying presence. Like my life was endangered. But I was so weak. So physically weak, so tired. And had this strange pain in my spine and through out my body. I felt like all of my limbs were asleep and incapable of motion. And like something inside my abdomen was being pulled slowly and painfully out of my body and through my spine. At first I was so scared. Terrified I legit thought I was dying. But after a few hours of this. I felt this overwhelming feeling of peace the physical experience didn't change at all. Everything else was the same at that point I'm not sure if that dark entity was not there anymore or if this overwhelming feeling of peace and content. Made me just not care. I felt I was dying I made a video saying I'm sorry and I love you to my loved ones. I accepted it and closed my eyes back to sleep. The only reason I woke up at all after that was because my dog needed care. My alarm would go off. I knew I couldn't care for her but I used every ounce of strength I had to wake up and text or call someone whenever she needed to go outside, be taken inside, fed, or allowed to roam free. It took everything inside just to do even that. Finally she needed me one last time and I felt strength. I spoke over the phone and was just told repeatedly that they couldn't hear or understand me. But I felt stronger. My mom brought me food. I felt stronger. But I still felt I was going to die and once again accepted my fate closed my eyes and drifted. When I woke up again it was because I felt like my dog needed me. No alarms or messages I just felt it. I woke up and my strength for the most part came back. (this I believe is when my soul stopped being pulled. It is also when the pain went away this period of time that I just described was about between 12pm and 8-9 pm) And over the next 3-4 hours continued to come back I'm almost at full strength as of now. (Midnight, I feel the strongest I've felt in a long time)
What's even stranger. Is that while I had never experienced a dark entity extracting my soul before ever in my life and I am growing more and more certain that was what was happening. (Mind you I have been a full blown arrogant atheist who laughs at religious ideology's since I was 8, parents were Mormon) That peace. That overwhelming feeling of content. I have only ever experienced once before in my entire life. And it's something I have spoken about frequently and been grateful for ever since it happened. It was when I was 15 and I tried to commit suicide. It was the closest I had ever gotten to achieving it. And to this day still is. I did an actual dive when I went cliff diving. That way people would think I was just stupid and it was an accident and they wouldn't be angry with me. I landed on my back with my legs together and arms out. (Not intentional and don't think it means anything but I'm trying to mention all details since I have no knowledge of this subject) as soon as I hit the water I felt all of the oxygen leave my lungs. And I sank quickly. But it felt... Slow. There was this moment after I started sinking. Where I felt this overwhelming feeling of peace and content. That was so indescribable to me. I felt just genuinely happy for the very first time in my life. I thought this is it. And I'm finally ok. I felt what I can only describe as the oxygen in the cells of my lungs leaving and collapsing it into itself... I finally closed my eyes. And then BAM It felt like my heart had been jump started. I was swimming to the surface against my will. The entire time I was fighting it in my head but my body was in control and I was powerless to it I had to swim to the surface. I've always remembered that moment as the greatest moment in my life. And the scariest disappointment. I was fine not much water in my lungs. I don't even think I got sick. I just pretended it was a joke and had a nice day with my siblings swimming in the lake.
But I am telling you. That peace I felt. That feeling of content. That overwhelming feeling of peace and content. It was identical. I don't know what I believe in anymore. But I know now I believe in something. That was real. I'm schizophrenic, bipolar, ptsd and have been treated for those things consistently since the age of 17. I know what is real and what is not. That was real. And I can not deny it. Can someone please tell me what exactly happened to me and why? I think I know. But I need clarity asap. Please
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