My story begins nearly 15years ago. On a day just the same as any, nothing particularly special happened that day, nothing unusual, just a normal day at school. When the bell rang at 3.30pm everyone, including me, rushed to collect our belongings, get home, get fed and go out.
I was walking through the town center with a couple of friends on our way home, when I saw a familiar boy. He hung around with a lot of my friends. I knew his name, he was about 2-3 years older than me, but other than that, we never once uttered even one word to each other. So naturally I thought nothing to it really, until there was a sudden fire inside me telling me to look at him, it was as though my eyes were completely taken over, like they weren't mine, I couldn't stop them. And when I looked, our eyes were locked. All the power in me stopped, I couldn't breath, his eyes were burning a hole into my soul. My head was light and I felt like the ground underneath me had vanished, but I was floating. Our eyes could not pull away, we stared and stared, for about 40 seconds, until the other was out of sight. Suddenly everything came back to me. It was the first time I had ever felt euphoria, and I was hooked. But no matter how hard I tried after that, no matter how often I avoided his eyes when we were in each other's company, my addiction was there, that fire in my stomach, never gone.
One day about a year after that, while babysitting my younger siblings, there was a knock at my door. I opened it and there he was, with a mutual friend of ours. I invited them in, they Sat and me and the mutual friend talked, we didn't really say much, but I sensed those eyes looking at me, I forced myself to not look back, because I knew if I looked, I'd be overpowered by his gaze. His beautiful gaze. I also sensed that our mutual friend was a wingman, but we never spoke. Soon they left and all I wanted to do was cry. I felt like I loved him, but on a level like no other. I wanted to be with him so bad.
A few years later though, he was in a relationship with a baby on the way and I was pregnant. Our lives and the paths had changed. I didn't think of him ever again. I had lost him.
Until, last year. My partner got a new job, our lives were great we had three beautiful children and a home. Life was pretty great. We went to a bonfire night at our local field where the entire community had gathered to watch the fireworks display, my partner and I were putting our two youngest on a fair ride when my partner looked behind me and said "Alright mate". I turned to see who he was talking to, and all I saw was two eyes, his eyes, looking at me, staring, he was there. All the euphoria of my previous and first experience was there, I had to stop before our partners saw, so I ripped my eyes away from his.
A few weeks later, while out shopping a car pulled up. My heart started racing, I could feel him. He got out orb the car and our eyes burned into each other's. I tried to stop but I couldn't hr just kept staring, looking as scared as me. I knew then, that he must have been feeling powerless too. I tried to tell my partner his colleague was approaching us, but my words wouldn't come out. All I could do was hold his arm and nod towards him. As soon as my partner acknowledged him. It stopped. And he was out of sight.
About a month after that, while shopping with my mother. I found myself walking behind him. He didn't know I was there and I made sure he'd never know. Until, he spun around, like something had just jumped out on him, his eyes met mine, we stared, I pained, my breath gone and my whole body tingling, but his partner saw. He broke off the stare. I ran into a nearby shop, I had to get away, I was being consumed with love and guilt. When I had caught my breath, I left the shop. And there he was, looking for me through the cloud. I looked back at him, I gave a very soft smile, then I walked away.
He was consuming my every thought, my every dream, I felt like I could feel him near me all the time. I felt like I knew his feelings and thoughts. He never left my mind or my heart and every so often I'd feel like fire in my belly and chest and I knew he was thinking of me. I spoke to him in my imagination, but it felt like he was really there, really answering my questions.
Then I didn't see him for months, until last night at our kids school. He was Sat in front of me, from the corner of my eyes I could see him looking at me. But we were both with our partners and kids, so I just looked at the floor or ceiling. I started to feel uneasy, in a good way. I wanted him to know I wanted to look into his eyes too. But I couldn't, for the sake of our families.
He was on my mind all night, and today. I want to cry so badly, I don't know if we are ment to be, if we are soulmates/twin flames or if we are just connecting on a psychic level. My heart is filled with so much love for him, but I know this love is not normal. It feels cosmic.
To this day we have still never spoke, I have no idea what his voice sounds like, other than the voice I hear in my mind. It feels like we never needed to speak. We just were.
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