Ever since I could remember strange things have happened to me. I keep telling myself I don't believe in this stuff but it won't stop. I see things. I smell things. I've had 3 people in my life that really hurt me and I wanted them dead, they all died at very young ages and they were people very, very close to me, my mother, my best friend and my husband. When my mother died she came to me. She was just a ball of energy. We had our last conversation and she orbed (?) out the door.
When I'm very mad lights flicker. If I'm anxious a pen that someone else can use will not write for me. I have problems using touch electrical appliances, like my stove. I've seen Pan, he was standing within 50 feet of me. I lost 20 minutes of my life when I was about 12. I was running to my grandmother's next door. I saw through the kitchen window she left the back light on for me because it was dark. I got about halfway across the yard and realized the light was off, there was absolutely no sound, not even a cricket, the air was still, it was like I just woke up. I panicked and ran to her house and asked why she turned the light off. She told me I said I was coming right over and when I didn't show she turned it off. I don't know where that 20 minutes went. I just hung up the phone and walked out the door it should have taken 2 minutes.
Last night my current husband and his son came bursting in my room at 3:15 am. They heard a gun shot coming from my room and thought I shot myself, I was asleep and heard nothing. I was up 15 minutes earlier to go to the bathroom, like clockwork, every morning 3am I get up to go to the bathroom. I woke up this morning and went the the attached garage to have a cigarette. In the corner of the garage are 4 large stacked water bottles. They sit there untouched, no wind, nothing. Suddenly they all came crashing down. I'm at the point I'm scared to death and I don't know what to do anymore. Somebody please help me.
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Do you feel responsible for the death of those close to you? It's possible that there is an unrelated entity sensing your vulnerabilities and feelings of guilt. If you have to, do something like a prayer or acknowledgement and apology for any strife you might have had with those who died.
At this point I don't think you are being haunted by any of these people for having mere negative thoughts preceding their deaths. But if you are moving around with an overriding guilt there are entities much worse than ghosts of humans that would try to exploit your emotional state.
My current prescription for you is to make a heartfelt apology and reconciliation to have a light heart with any of those people who might be on your mind, just so that is clear and no longer a vulnerability.
It sounds like a poltergeist but your story doesn't contain enough information for me to tell you what it is. Don't dread, and don't lose faith those are the worst things you can do when dealing with this type of phenomena.
Update us on how it's going.