I was always an outsider, never had real friends, always was getting bored of life etc.
I am originally from Bulgaria but I grew up in Greece. My whole life was a mess and I ended up not being able to complete any of my dreams/wishes. Now I am almost 21 and live in the UK because I had nowhere else to go, in Greece things are awful.
I am currently studying in college and want to go to university to study English literature. But something is wrong with me, something never let me be at peace. Since childhood I had problem to connect with other children or make friends, because the other kids didn't like me, I was jinxing them. I was seeing things, most probably imagining things like, the wind talking to me, or dreaming about strange beings seeking help from me. As I grew up I started getting normal but something worse happened. Many times I can just feel that something bad is going to happen and as soon as I open my mouth to warn the people around me, this bad thing happens. Everyone tells me that these things are happening because I said they will but I don't believe it. Even if I say nothing they still happen.
Also I have really bad time sleeping (I get fall asleep but I never get enough rest because I never stop moving and talking). My partner is always complaining about me moving and talking nonsense in my sleep. And I always get to see the most strange dreams that just make no sense. But the worse is that some times I dream something and it happens. A night before my cousin died I dreamt about him telling me that he has to go to a big faraway travel but I shouldn't worry for him. One night I saw that I was sitting outside my grandmother's house and I was loosing a tooth, I was afraid but then she came out and she said that a new one will come out; I was telling her to put some shoes on but she said she won't need them and then we started flying together, I was feeling the sun and air so realistic, next evening my grandmother died. I discussed my dreams with my mother, because she is an astrologist and believes in such things, she was mad at me and never believed me for some reason. Also once I dreamt in Greece long time ago (I was keeping notebooks of my dreams for 2 years because they were too strange to ignore) that I was walking on a bridge (that I had never seen before, and the environment didn't look familiar) and there was a woman with a baby that waved at me, it was night and I felt so beautiful and peaceful. A year later I ended up going in England because of the Greek crisis, I was living on the riverside and I lived that exact scene I dreamt. I was working in a restaurant and the owner's wife had a baby. One evening I saw her the time I was crossing the bridge and then I remembered the dream and felt awkward.
I always keep feeling that something is missing from me. I have way too strong imagination and I always feel sad when I am not using it. I can't control my mind to focus on anything else. I can't study, I can't do anything I should be doing and I am afraid that if I don't learn how to control it, I will end up failing this year and I don't want that because, this is my access year to university. I am freaked out and scared, all this is creepy! Something is happening to me and my mind don't know how to deal with it. I don't want to go to see a doctor or psychologist because I am afraid of them. I have this fear of going near doctors, I am afraid of losing blood, every time someone tries to take blood from me my veins somehow just shut, once they tried 5 minutes without benign able to extract a single drop no matter how much I tried to relax. I always panic and I can only fix it with numbing cream.
My body is freaking me out, everything is wrong with it, is just not what is suppose to be. I try to be normal to act normal, to study, to make my dreams come true but there is always this thing that blocks me from being myself. I can never concentrate on anything and, I always keep on falling sick and everything in me is a mess. Yet I feel a huge amount of energy in me wanting out but something is blocking me, I always need something sweet to eat, I easily get exhausted, while as child I was energetic, I am changing a bad way. Something is just wrong with me, I can feel it but I have no idea what or why? Does anyone knows anything better? Is all this just my imagination? Can anyone help me please? What is wrong with me? Why now on that critical moment of my life?
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I would research online for some sort of simple cleansing prayer or meditation (in order to help clear the chakras). When done right, you should feel waves of energy pass over you. Even if you don't believe it, just try one and see if it helps. Also, water is cleansing. Take a shower, especially if it is during/after/before the chakra cleansing. You can pay money for someone else to help you, but I would recommend simply doing it yourself. It's simple and easy, and it works; you just have to find one that works for you. Even if you think you don't need to, just do it. If you feel drained at certain chakra points, find out why. Is it because of you or because another entity has attached itself to you? I had a recent experience with this, and it's not pleasant. However, the fix is simple: Pray for whatever higher power you believe in to come down and help you. Also, tell the entity it is no longer allowed to be attached to you, and that you break whatever contract/agreement you had with it in the past. Remember, this is your dimension; your body and living space so you have control over entities from other wavelengths/dimensions messing with you. Meaning, quite simply, you can tell them to stop and they will. BUT you have to mean it. If that isn't working, pray to god/all/universal forces of light/higher power.
A lot of people talk nonsense in their sleep. That's perfectly normal, so I wouldn't worry too much. Sometimes, people will also dream when a loved one dies and/or see/feel/hear the loved one near them. It's more rare than people talking in their sleep, but still relatively normal.
Take a deep breath and go for a walk in the morning sunlight (as best can be managed from England). Also, look inside your heart to see if there is a reason you might be sad. Are you being true to yourself? Are you attending college because you want to or because someone else wants you to? I went to university for one career, but am currently returning for a completely separate career because it's what's in my heart (fashion to medicine). I love fashion, but I want to be a doctor more. Are you choosing the right career path for you? It wouldn't hurt to see a therapist (especially if it's free through your college), but if you don't want to see one then maybe look up self-help books online?
What made you happy as a child? What did you love to do? What made you glow? All the answers are inside your heart, you simply have to listen.
You are most likely getting sick all the time because your immune system is compromised due to high stress levels. Try meditation. (You can go to your local buddhist organization; sometimes they offer free/low cost meditation). Eat healthy and exercise. Exercise doesn't have to be the gym; it can be dance, martial arts, parkour, acrobatics, walking, outdoors activities, etc. Also, make sure you're getting enough sleep (at least 8 hours), especially if your body needs healing.
You also may want to get your Vitamin D levels checked, but I also realize that means going to a doctor. Perhaps take a good multivitamin that includes Vitamin D?
Sorry this comment is so long, but hope it helps! <3