Where To Go From Here

I am a little hesitant to share my story because all of this is very new to me but I'd like to know- where do I go from here? I am a little scared to be honest.

To begin, I have always been extremely sensitive to the energy around me. I would always know what people felt before they said anything, but I know that's nothing special. I tried to silence this with alcohol at a young age and didn't find happiness until I met my husband of now 3 years. When I met him however I was on a lot of medication because my unloving family made me feel like I was literally insane, I will save those details. My first experience is when we were Honeymooning in Hawaii. I had bought the book 'Leave Your Mind Behind' and was reading the chapter on meditation. I gave it a try and my first time trying I completely fell into a deep hypnotic state and could feel every inch of my body and could see myself from above. I still remember the smell of the hibiscus hanging on our door, and the sound of the waves outside the door. When I was done and I opened my eyes the colors were so vibrant around me I cried, it seemed I was seeing the Earth for the very first time. I felt high for hours, and only after learned from a friend that you're supposed to eat or bring yourself back down after such a deep meditation. I remember thinking, is it possible to go so deep the first time trying?

A few months went by and we purchased a house by a lake because I love being near water, it makes me feel pure and innocent. But as the months progressed, I sensed something was very wrong with the house. I would hear banging from the basement around the same time every night and after a while the energy had turned, or I became more aware of it, so negative that I wouldn't go into the basement. We had a back room next to the laundry room (yes, my husband did all the laundry:) ), with no windows and the feeling of 'GET OUT' would come over me any time I even went near it. So I just ignored it until I couldn't anymore. I told you I was on a lot of medication, well I came off everything to get pregnant and something wonderful happened, I felt better. I felt more alive, and with the pure love and support of my husband I realized that I wasn't insane, I was perfect just the way I was. Things started to become very clear. There was something negative, very negative, in the basement. There was also a very anxious energy upstairs. I was never able to be comfortable, and I wasn't able to meditate as I had. But I just tried to ignore it. Then one weekend I got this overwhelming urge to get out of the house before the baby was born. So my husband and I had a friend dog-sit our pups and we headed to a camp ground I found on-line. As we were driving through the town right before the camp ground it reminded me of a Stephen King novel. It was just... Wrong. For lack of a better description. But I thought, 'it's just my pregnancy hormones, let it go'. We pulled into the camp ground and my gut was yelling at me that something was not right, this place was not peaceful. But I again just attributed it to my hormones. I tried to 'ground' when we were sitting by the fire that night and literally couldn't. Something was blocking me. I just shook that off too and we went to bed. A quick description of where we were for the next experience- we were the only people in the camping area, no other tents, and we were right on the Bay. There was a corn field behind us and the camping trailers were to the side. But there was no one near us. I had grown up camping and this was by far the strangest camp ground I had ever been to. There were so many tires in the Bay, maybe for erosion? But it wasn't peaceful. But again- pregnancy hormones. (I was about 6 months pregnant, and we were still close to home for those thinking 'why were you risking your baby'. I love being in nature and it -normally- calms me and puts me a peace.) So we went to bed in our little tent that had no screens on the sides, only on the top to look at the stars... Only to hear heavy, slow, footsteps approaching about 15 minutes later. I have never been so scared in my life. I thought someone was coming to kill us because it wasn't someone walking by quickly, it was -step- silence, -step- silence, with the last step landing right outside the tent at the top of my head. At this point we had no choice and sat up and looked out to find nothing. No retreating steps, no animal, no person. Needless to say, we packed up and drove home.

So with this behind us, we still traveled out again the next day to go crabbing but stayed in a hotel. The following day our friend who was house sitting called my husband, so as not to upset me, but I could hear everything that she said- At about 2am, as she was sleeping in our bedroom she began hearing footsteps down the hallway. Slow and steady they continued to approach the bedroom. So she got up slowly, locked the door, and then locked herself in our bathroom and laid on the floor. Because of where we lived reception wasn't the best so she couldn't get a call out. (And no, I had not mentioned to her, or anybody else, the energies I had been feeling of the sounds I had been hearing.) She heard the footsteps enter the bedroom, circle the bed, and stop right outside the bedroom door. They never picked back up. After a while she got enough courage to run out of the bathroom, unlock the still locked and very closed bedroom door, and run out of the house. She called her father and had him come check the house with her. And this is a woman who traveled cross country by herself and doesn't scare easily. This obviously upset me. When we got home the energy of the house had changed again. It was restless, upset. There were footsteps during the day. I got desperate and tried going down into the basement to say The Lords Prayer in front of the room with so much negative energy and tried to explain they needed to leave and they weren't welcome. Well half way through the prayer a 'whoosh' of negative energy hit me at the door and I was back upstairs in a second. We decided to sell the house.

A few months later, after our son was born, is when I met a Medium down the street who came into our home to help. I forgot to mention that for a few months I had been getting awoken at night by different colored orbs, some were wiry spidery ones that would slither through the wall after I awoke and saw it. I started to sleep with the light on- but after a while they still woke me up with even the light on! My husband, who always said the sounds were things falling, or the house settling, even admitted to seeing a mans shadow in our bedroom. Come to find out the man who was the sole owner of the home previous to us had died at home with hospice from cancer. He was a smoker, because all of the walls were stained with nicotine (it was a nice lake house though! Haha) So the Medium came to our home and her energy was pure love. She reminded me of my grandmother who had passed when I was younger. We talked for a while and I took her on a tour of the home. When she entered the basement her eyes changed and she walked straight under the stairs where the banging had been coming from. A woman had been trapped under there for some time and was so frightened that she couldn't get out. In the room that I wouldn't go in- there was a vortex, a black hole if you will. I stood outside as she stood in there and I actually felt when it closed. The energy around me changed so drastically I almost fainted. I actually felt a whoosh of warm air brush past my face. She then went upstairs and said the orbs were just spirits I had brought home from the hospital, I am a nurse. But that there was a gentleman pacing, the previous owner. My husband and son left, and I did a guided meditation with the medium. It was beautiful. Out of nowhere all of these spirits gathered as she opened Gods Light for the man to enter. Everyone loved me, the light just loved me and I started to cry. The Medium sent the man with a brown curly haired girl up the light, followed by the other spirits, and I wanted to go with them so badly. The Medium continued the guided meditation by saying 'we are going to stay here, but you all go to the light'. We ended our meditation and the air in the house felt calm for the first time since we had moved in. As she left, the medium told me I had the gift and I was extremely sensitive. I took it as a compliment but didn't know what I wanted to do about it, so I just put it on the back burner.

Until a few months ago. I went out with two nurses that I work with and we drank. A lot. We were at my friends house when something happened. I 'saw'. There was a gentleman standing beside my friend, and when I described him to her she began to cry. It was an uncle she had lost and had never really gotten over. I was calm, and focused. I turned to my other friend and she had two angels with her. One was blurry and I couldn't make them out, the other had their wings wrapped protectively around her. I described him to her and she began to cry too. It was her father who had died when she was two. At this point I started to freak out and pace and broke off the connection. I didn't know these two women well enough to know the loved ones that they had lost. My one friend showed me a picture of her uncle about an hour later and it was him! I was shaking and in disbelief. How does something like that happen? How is it possible? I know the medium told me I was sensitive, but me? I'm capable of doing something so special? It couldn't be. But there's no doubt. I saw two people, they were people who had passed on, and they were with my friends, plain as day. How did I 'see' them? It was as though I just had images flash through my mind, and that I wasn't actually 'seeing' them. But how does that happen when you have no training? How does someone like me do that? So I called the medium and she explained that the alcohol and love and acceptance by my friends allowed me to pull back the film separating this world from the other so to say. But again, I didn't really believe this could be happening to me. So I put it on the back burner again. (Yes, even something as amazing as that.)

About a month ago things started to stir in our new house that we purchased last November. I had gone back on a low dose antidepressant and low dose antianxiety while we lived with my in-laws during our move up to Pa. And I recently came off so we could get pregnant again, hopefully to never go back on. I started seeing shadows of people in our room at night again. They would wake me. There was an African American girl with braids in front of our window the other night with her hands cupped holding something but stepped back into the shadows after I saw her. Saturday night there was a little boy standing outside our bathroom door. I slept with the light on for the rest of the night. The air in our bedroom had changed and was uncomfortable. I had probably been bringing more spirits home with me because I wasn't 'clearing' them before I left. Sunday after I laid my son down to sleep I walked into our bedroom and it happened again, I just 'connected'. I felt all the different energies in the room. And a determination came over me (probably not a good thing?) to take back my bedroom. I opened the window and did a 'sweep' and had all of the stragglers exit. I then went into our bathroom and found a woman dressed from the 60's or so and a blonde haired boy and had them leave as well. (Now that I look back, I should not have been doing this without any training because the poor souls are probably even more lost. I should have just taken them back to the hospital with me! So stupid!) But I continued to 'clear' the room. I went to the closet that I always had to have shut because the energy was so negative and found an old woman hunched over and scared. I also found the African American girl hunched behind my nightstand in the corner. I had them both leave. But one entity that I was unsure of was an old gray haired woman, almost witch looking, very bony, clinging to the windowsill, and as I began to tire, I feel that she came back in. Which leads me to last night. Last night I was awoken three different times by this one entity. The first time a green stick was poking me and I even watched it for a second before I jumped out of bed scared out of my wits before it vanished. Then a black spiny sphere woke me the second time and slowly retreated to the corner. I turned the bathroom light on after this hoping that would help. But no, the third time the sphere woke me I woke me husband and said look, look, there it goes into the corner. He admitted to me this morning he saw a black ball in the corner where I was pointing, then it vanished. So I admit, I am terribly sorry for thinking I could clear my bedroom on my own. I feel as though I have really upset the remaining spirit that is there and it is actually enjoying waking me at night. I am pregnant again so I guess I just got frustrated being woke up every night by something different and I acted rashly. Please do not jump on me for this, I feel bad enough. What I need to know now is where do I go from here? How can I stop this entity from waking me at night? I would like to strengthen my sensitivities and my gift, but don't know where to start. Why do these orbs keep waking me? The medium had told me that the spirits at the hospital like me because i'm warm and loving and they enjoy being around me, so I will start my 'clearing' at the end of work again so as not to bring any more home with me. But is there anything I can do about the spirits I sent outside through my window? Will they be okay? Will they find their way? Can I help them? Most of all, how can I get this one entity to stop poking at me. I don't mind any other colored orbs, but the black spiky ones that seem to slither bother me. Their energy feels negative.

So, where do I go from here? Any advice and support, not criticism, is appreciated. Criticism will probably only scare me away from this more. But I feel that it is something that I should embrace, because it is a beautiful thing. Thank you in advance. With love.