My name is not Solomon but it's what your going to call me. I'm not entirely sure on how to begin this because I honestly don't know how anything began really. I have a condition and more or less you could say I'm a possible schizo but either way I am fully aware of the reality of my surroundings and of the impossibility of what I have "experienced" and have been nearly my entire life. The first things I can really mark as a possible "starting point" is a few moments in my childhood. My memory is very complicated to explain but I'll get to that later. It was some time between 1993 and '96, my mother had just gotten married to my step father and we had moved in with him and out of our crappy apartment in the nearby ghetto. Of this entire neighborhood I remember it much like someone would glean some nostalgia from playing a few hours of Grand Theft Auto 2 or 3. How that relates I don't know but I guess you could say I felt like I was a character in a video game my entire early childhood. My imagination was a bit rampant but most children are wildly delusional in their oh so envious youth. I don't really remember any moments in between school and going to sleep. School stands out so much because there were a lot of things going on and my little mind was bursting with so much imagination I couldn't contain my excitement about the world.
I loved school, hated school work but loved the idea of going to a place where there was hundreds of little turds like me running around. This blissfulness came to a crashing halt after one night. Now back then E.T. Was one of the greatest scientific films to hit the family ratings. A movie about a boys bond with a species from, whatever, E.T. Creeped me the hell out something fierce. I was terrified of the little bastard. "Time" later, because child mind + concept of time = error, I found myself having serious issues getting sleep. I would wake up and not be able to sleep for a while before unexpectedly waking up again in the morning. Man I wish I could fall asleep like that today. One night I woke up and realized I had left the light on. I don't recall much but in order from what must have happened first and last, I quickly realized it wasn't my bedroom light. The light was coming from under my bed. I remember looking over the edge of my bed to see something reaching out from beneath and I quickly shot under the covers. Fear hit, a knot in my throat, a few tears and then... I became my room. I don't entirely know how to explain it but right as I realized the light was under my bed a strong rush began to fill my head. Like when you feel a car speed up. It just kept building as I flung myself under the covers and then when it stopped I had become my entire room. It was as if being a camera panning around the room. No sound, no feeling, no emotion, just sight. I didn't see a lump under the blankets which is weird because I was just in my bed before, I don't know, magic happened? The light under my bed got brighter for a second and the something became a little more clear or rather I could simply look upon it, behold...it.
I can't explain what I saw because I didn't see this thing. It was there and I know entirely, within my being, that it was there. It was as if my eyes, or lack there of due to becoming my room cause that is so simple to depict that, were trying to perceive something but couldn't comprehend it within my penny little "turd" mind. Every time I think of what I saw it's like my mind paints something like a blur or some incomprehensible mesh of possible images of what it could have been. My young brain didn't help to add to this mind destroying mystery phenomenon. Back to me being turned into an area of space, as I watched this, insert thing here, I began to feel myself fall and the rush came back in a different way this time. It built up until finally my step father burst through my door and asked me what the hell I'm up making so much noise for. There I sat in my bed completely awe struck by what the hell just happened and couldn't even answer my father. I wasn't scared anymore but I so wanted to experience it again.
I would get my wish, regretfully, about (amount of time) later when my mother forced me down for a nap. Usually I wasn't one to complain but today was an acceptation. For some reason I hated my room and I remember feeling that when I finally climbed in bed but the only thing I remember about this experience was as I was climbing in bed and until I finally fell asleep. When first climbing into bed I saw what looked like the air shifting in a mirage by my closet. It was like the sheen of a mirror, flat and edgy rather than amorphous or blobular. The light of the sun gleaned off of some invisible shards of glass floating in the air and they seemed to fold in on each other and pass right through the wall right into the next room, where I would later move into after my sister was born. Fear hit me but even at that young age I knew it was simply fear of the unknown and that nothing was going to hurt me. But the fact I didn't know what I was seeing scared me greatly and at that age you don't even understand that there is science and explanations for these kinds of things and that my friends is what true fear is. That and haunted houses when your two. Bring a huge diaper. Had I known then what I know now I would've probably just wrapped a bag around my head. NOW, morbid thoughts set aside, as I lie in the bed I began to hear what I can only describe as breathing coming from my closet.
Now it was only my mother and I home. We didn't have a cat or small dogs and the dogs we did have stayed out in the backyard which was on the other side of the wall, adjacent to my bed. The closet breathed so quietly I could barely hear it over the world around me but I heard it and I know I did. Not only that but it was almost like the closet itself was swelling. As if it was breathing itself. But the movement was ever so slight and I had to keep myself completely still just to notice it. I can recall giving my mother a stink about it and of course she checked herself but it didn't just stop with her arrival. That closet breathed and when she opened it those glass light beams poured out around her and right out of the closed window next to my mother.
My final experience was after my sister was born and had annexed my old room. Somehow I came into possession of a strangely shaped couch...thing. It was a small box made to be a seat or something but opened up to store things. It could fit two small people or one large person and in it I kept my library books. I don't remember where in the room this thing sat but it was there near my bed and I was pushed up against the wall opposite the closet. This closet was on the opposite wall from the room I had once inhabited. So this was the room the lights crept into that day (time) ago. I'm guessing whatever it was had took up residence in here because my final experience saw a bright light bursting open the book-chair-box-couch-shelf and waking me up in a fit of fear and frustration. All I remember was yelling at it to let me sleep as it barred its bright light at me and boomed back. Now the sound was completely inexplicable and unpleasant to the most disturbing extent but I didn't hear it with my ears. It was more like a sound that I heard within my own DNA. Like the sound was some part of me or I was a part of it. Either way I yelled right back because I'm sleeping damn it and my sisters crying is enough for one night. That was the extent of my early childhood experiences.
That night ended without being recorded in my memory after have a screaming match with my book-chair-box-couch-shelf and my parents don't seem to have any recollection of what I saw. I never told them and I didn't because they didn't seem to notice anything beyond my reactions. I figured they wouldn't believe me and aside from telling my mother about my living closet I just completely gave up on trying. My memories from that time are so scattered and out of order it is hard to say if these events happened in that order or if one happened before the other aside from what happened after my sister's birth. All I know is that these moments weren't dreams, they weren't the wild imaginings of some groggy awakening. I was wide awake for all three of these and I can recall smells and sounds that were present beyond my little area. I could feel the world being alive on it's own and not through my mind or imagination. I felt my consciousness wholly and I emphasize that because I did not have what one would call pleasant dreams as a child but they weren't terrible either. I had those few dreams you hear of kids normally having, yes, but for the most part I did not dream of anything. The nights I was able to actually get sleep all there was to greet me was a long and empty dark. I never felt myself go to sleep I just all of a sudden realized that I was just nothingness. For me it was peaceful and a much better alternative to my now manic labyrinths of God knows whatever my imagination comes up with. Alice quit just last week, wish she'd come back honestly. Things were much more peaceful with someone to talk with over tea. After my early childhood experiences my life has become something I have to carefully manage within my own mind as if I were, at any moment, about to fall into some deep dark hole and never return. I see things and not out of the corners of my eyes. Those sharp edges of light, twinkles of floating glitter or glittering dust, bursts of random colors and the most "disturbing" is a flaming figure who seems to be observing my life at random points in time. I saying flaming but its more like a bend of light shaped like a person and flickering as if on fire. All these things are not seen through my eyes though. Its almost like my mind is projecting some kind of filter that when it processes the information from my eyes it returns it to my consciousness with the added "special effects". I would say its like playing a normal day from the eyes of a person through an incredibly detailed projector screen and, having someone stand in the projection but still cast absolutely no shadow. You can see their figure but due to the projection of video streaming over them you can't really see them. They're just a bend where the light of the projection is being interfered. I used to get fearful but when I realized none of these things have an interest in harming me I just observe the way they seem to be observing me. After making the difficult career decision to become a regular pothead I began experiencing much different things. I can hear them and interact with them mundanely. The best I can say about it is that they sound like what light looks like, just bare with me here. Imagine how bright and warm light looks. How its so clean when in a dark place and seems to burn away darkness. That's the kind of sounds these things emanate. There is no motions or such that represent speech rather these sounds simply marks their presence as if an alarm that they are there. I haven't heard anything like speech rather the entire communication is feelings, strange emotions. Since obtaining the title of pot sage my memories have lined up in what seems to be like emotional categories and everything from the past lined under whatever applicable emotion they could be stuck under. Now when I think of past times I feel some kind of emotion that explains everything in the memory. These emotions are not happy, sad, mad and all that. Rather they are like a reflection of everything I felt, heard, saw, tasted and ect. As if that very moment was entirely made into a mental feeling that turns into a physical reaction sometimes. Some memories give me goosebumps as I think through them, others might give me a weird twinges or a slight twitch for a moment. Some of my worse memories I have had to completely forget as thinking through them have made me sick or even blackout just to stop myself from remembering. As I run through memories of things I've witnessed I feel like I'm zoning out or daydreaming but I seem to keep control of my surroundings. I can go an entire day just floating around in my mind and be completely separate from the real world and still remember everything through the day but during these times I don't respond very well and I don't really acknowledge people around me. These emotions are also a product of these things I see as every moment I recall with some kind of emotional attachment to it I remember witnessing the lights, sounds and figures. Today I am working on a book series and game world to base of the things I have seen and the dreams linked to these experiences. I take everything with a grain of salt and if I am unable to put two and two together with logic then I usually ruling things out as scientific phenomenon. I believe in the idea of ghosts but haven't had enough proof to say I believe in their existence entirely. I also have a very shaky religious history as I do believe in a higher power but more in a scientific way rather an "all powerful being" perspective. In my opinion this is what I think is going on. Energy is everything and life is the result of energy with a direct, conscious purpose. We experience and we remember thus creating the "human experience". Beyond our third dimension there exists a fourth but we can not perceive it as we see in two dimensions and live in a third dimension. So beings existing on a fourth dimension live there but see in our third dimensional world right? So who's to say they haven't taken some kind of liking to me and decided to see where my life goes and whatever I'm seeing is simply a reaction to their arrival coupled with glimpses of them from what our third dimension can depict for us. As for the communicating with them, I don't really want to post this as I'm not entirely sure just how valid it is and the fact that it is mostly strange coincidence and recurring dreams and as these kinds of things can be signs of possible psychic awakening I'd rather not admit that to myself and I don't think it's entirely valid here. I believe what I have said to be valid as I'm not talking about aliens or ghosts. I have direct experience with something beyond our understanding that has had some kind of direct effect on the way my mind processes and replays information. I wasn't abducted for experiment or anything, yet something tells me that I should still consider myself some kind of lab rat. I've delved into quantum physics, Einstein's Theory of Relativity. I've flipped through religious ideas and everything relation to space as far as the worship of the sun and the relation of blah blah blah. But I've never gotten any kind of closure to what I've experienced my entire life. Honestly my sudden interest to post this was eventually birthed from watching Interstellar a few days ago and seeing so many similarities to my ideas. I hope to inspire someone to investigate these experiences and maybe help me to better understand what I see and give me some inspiration for my work. To sum everything up, I can't explain this universe. Nobody can, so it's best to go forward into life with a mind open enough to intake possibility but logical enough to deficate nonsense. If anyone has any bit of knowledge on this topic or knows where I can speak with other people who have had similar experiences I would appreciate the info. I can be contacted at my email address; Solomon626crowe@gmail.com Thanks for reading and I hope to hear from somebody with anything that might help me understand what the hell is going on.
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