I don't even know where to start with this one.
Years ago, I had this dream, it was purely auditory.
A simple voice saying two phrases into my ear.
One was "I just want you to love me" the other was "I just want to love you" in a very specific voice.
Well I have been dating the girl I am with for about a month now.
We have known each other for about five months. She lives about an hour away from me in the next county over.
And at one point she whispered "I just want to love you" into my ear, and it was the same exact voice I had heard in the dream years earlier.
But this is not the end.
We are both musicians. Both singers. Both songwriters. And both play a specific style of music. She met at one of my old band's shows.
We kept contact and she ended up helping me to get some gigs in her hometown. Well it turns out she had learned to play a lot of the same songs as I did. And I noticed, there is this "look" in her eye, and she noticed it in me. That only we get when we sing.
Time goes by we continue to see each other from time to time at various events we are scheduled to play together and talk via facebook and text.
She begins to fall in love with me but I initally push her away denying her. Claiming she is too young and stupid to know what she wants (she is a few years younger than me but not of a great age difference).
Well about the same time period, I really start going through some crazy times in my life. I start getting weird paranormal feelings, as if I am being possessed by some other entities while I am home alone writing music, almost as if some outside source was writing the music for me. And I started having these vivid visions of pain and suffering of people dying or animals being tortured, sometimes I would even take the perspective of the people or animals, in infinite different situations.
I was also getting random unexplainable bouts of crying. For literally no reason. And before the beginning of this year, when a friend of mine died (a girl I at one point wanted to date, who by coincidence lived in the same town as the girl I am with now), I might have cried once a year at most. And other than her death, I had no reasons to cry.
Well over time, I would begin crying for almost no reason, and sometimes get random pains in my sides, stomach, and my wrists began to feel as if I was developing some sort of carpal tunnel or arthritis.
At one point back in March, I was very very sick and was out of town on a trip with friends. The girl I am now dating had texted me just to see if I was okay. She said she had this feeling that she needed to talk to me to make sure I was doing okay, even though she had just met me a month before.
Well, long story short is, after 4 months of running away from her, I finally admitted to myself my feelings for her. We had talked a lot for these 4 months, I often felt the need to tell her how much she inspired me, and I had seen a sudden burst in creativity and a revitalization in my songwriting and my music from a certain time. (End of April) (We had been on a trip out of town together with a group of friends)
At one point she started telling me she loved me. And I would tell her things like "no you don't" and "stop lying to me" and "you will grow to hate me once you get to know me." I honestly didn't understand why I would keep talking with her, I knew I kind of liked her, but felt as if she was just a little too young for me, or that she was just going to break my heart. (I have been in very abusive relationships in the past, my first relationship having lasted five years which was emotionally and physically abusive)
Several weeks ago, maybe two or three weeks before we started dating I took a trip to her hometown to visit a friend of mine, he was also her best friend. I took the train down there stayed one night and went home, and was drawn back the next night for some reason, took the train, and ended up losing my wallet on the train, with all of my identification and my debit card and all my accesses to finances. I was stranded with no way home, so I stayed with my friend. She ended up paying for my ticket back home without me even asking her. I had written some really disturbing, almost demonic writings on a sheet of paper and gave them to her. (they weren't written TO her, just an expression of the problems I had been experiencing) I do not recall writing them, but found them as I woke up, written in my handwriting.
That night, and for about a week before I was there, I was experiencing very very painful feelings in my calf muscles, as if there was some painful burning substance flowing through my veins. I had suffered a broken bone last year and was at risk of developing blood clots due to this break and was frightened that might have been it, but it turns out the pains were unexplainable.
Me and this girl started hanging out more often, I was drawn to her town for almost no reason. I would just go to see her, and not quite know why.
I was finally able to admit to her I loved her and felt the same for her as she did for me, and we started dating. Ever since we met, I felt as if we had this strange connection, and she even told me "We're connected" many many times.
She often has prophetic dreams and when she's with me she ends up at places she has seen in her dreams. Once we were at my friends house, in his back yard, and she said "I was here in my dream but there was a canal right there" Well on the other side of the fence, without her knowing, there was a street, and on the other side of that street was a canal. This has happened many many times since we have been together, to BOTH of us, not just her. We see places we have been before in dreams, when we are together. She is also very empathetic and can feel others emotions. And I have been able to feel, for example, stomach cramps when she starts menstruating, and headaches when she gets them, and she accurately described the exact pain I feel on a regular basis as a result of my broken foot which hasn't healed up correctly, she told me her left foot hurt and I asked her how did it hurt, and she told me the EXACT feeling I feel ever single day.
There is also a LOT of color and number significance in our relationship.
I also have synesthsia, a few forms actually.
The number 2 and 3 carry very specific shades of red and blue to me, and the musical keys of G and D also carry those same colors. A lot of my music lately has been written in those keys, and I have always felt a fondness for the key of D. (She likes to sing and play guitar in the key of D more than any key). The weirdest part, is those colors keep coming up in our existence. Before even knowing this she had dyed two parts of her hair THOSE EXACT COLORS. Her favorite number is 23. Also, our first initials carry those two colors to me, mine the red, hers the blue. Her first name, which I will keep private is also the same as the only fictional character I EVER had a crush on. (I don't fall for characters in TV shows or even for famous people, except for this one character, and not the actress who played her, just the character)
Another number that keeps coming up is 12. We tend to end up on streets numbered, the first time I actually felt physically and emotionally close to her was on the 12th and we parked on a street called 12th Avenue, hell, even today, as I am posting this is the 12th of July, the number 12 just keeps coming up, and she jokes about how she is younger than I am saying "I'm 12 remember" (she's not 12 though, she's 18 and I am 25). She also told me that her ex was irrationally afraid of the number 12. There are other associations with the number 12 I will not elaborate on as there are many of them.
11:11 comes up more often than usual, and every time the clock hits 11:11 she texts me with MAKE A WISH.
Before telling her about any of this, she gave me a bracelet, the same shade of blue, the same color vibe I kept getting from her, that she had found as a child, but didn't know where it came from, and had no idea what to do with it, she just randomly gave it to me.
Now, she is away for a week in a place with no cell phone reception and no internet (at a camp up in the mountains), we have no way of having contact, but before her phone lost reception we attempted telepathy, As we have been able to finish each other's sentences, feel each other's physical pains, I cry when she cries without knowing it, she once was able to take on my energy and feel as if she were me describing her thought process as if it were mine, with absolute perfections right down to my hidden insecurities. We even once shared a hallucination while smoking marijuana together (letters appearing in the sky in our minds eye in the exact same way).
We often appear in each other's dreams in the same nights.
We were able to establish a small degree of telepathic contact and now I actually feel as if I can contact her at times and I can feel when she is busy and when she is awake or asleep and I can feel as if she can feel the same about me. I feel like we are having conversations in my head if I focus my thoughts right and these are entirely almost involuntary, her answers come. I will ask her when she returns this weekend if those were really her or just all in my head, but I have a sense that she picked up enough of it.
I had asked her before leaving to try her best to come into my dreams.
Last night I had very abstract vivid dream that was very hard to put into words, but I felt her presence along with those shades of red and blue and the numbers 2 and 3.
There is also a very specific song, that comes on the radio, a Spanish song of all things, that literally, every time I would drop her off at home and leave her house, it would come on, no matter what Spanish station I was listening to (living in California, we have about 6 within range of both of our hometowns, and on a good night, about half of all stations are Mexican stations, all playing similar music). This specific song has lyrics that are quite meaningful to what we do when we're together before I drop her off. The title translated to "I'm looking at the sky" and we always look at the sky together.
About one year before we got together (might have even been one year to the day, or really close to it) I was really depressed, I had just gotten out of a very bad relationship and I looked up into the sky and asked God (which is rare, as I am not religious) to find me someone better who would treat me right and be mine and only mine. (I have not been in a relationship where there wasn't infidelity, jealousy or emotional abuse, and I was always the victim of the abuse and infidelity)
I feel as if everything has been perfectly aligned with us. I don't know any other way to explain it.
Sometimes I feel so close to her that I almost think we could be related. (We even look very similar, but we are of different ethnicities) We share very similar personality traits, but are opposites in a lot of ways as well. I could elaborate in the strangest ways.
For example, I show qualities and cultural traits that align much more with her race than my own, and she shows the same things as if she were of my heritage. It's like we've been flipped.
Also, my house is haunted, I constantly would hear entities banging on my walls from the inside, and as if people were walking between the walls, but nobody could hear it, and I was told I was crazy. But she heard it, without me telling her, she said she could hear people walking inside the walls but wasn't scared.
I've read about all the signs of "twin flames" and literally EVERY SINGLE one applies to us. (I am VERY skeptical about these sorts of things, and generally DO NOT believe in such things, but this has me very very perplexed). I didn't even know it was possible to feel another person's pains, let alone all of these things line up in very very odd ways.
I am not saying she IS my twin flame or soul mate, but I don't know what else to think of it.
We share a very close deep connection and I literally feel as if I've known her all my life, and she feels the same towards me. She has helped me to work through some of the deepest problems in my life, including the emotional and physical abuse I suffered in my last long-term relationship which basically destroyed my life for a couple of years, and childhood sexual traumas which had destroyed my sense of self-worth, she has been there to listen and help me through them all when I could never get those out to anybody else. And I've noticed strange things, like my sense of perception of color getting stronger and the world looking very vividly colored and almost dream-like, and my dreams themselves have been getting more vivid.
It is quite strange. I don't know quite what to think of it.
I am still very cautiously optimistic about the relationship. After all it took me four months of being the "runner" to even give her a chance.
I never believed in psychic phenomena or any of the spiritual "new age" things like soul mates or telepathy or auras or any of this ever, but it is all starting to make sense to me in weird ways.
Can someone tell me what is going on here? I feel as if I was literally given a gift from God and as if I won the lottery at the same time and it is frightening at times as I have NEVER been happy, never been in a relationship like this, and even in the 5 year relationship I was in, I never felt feelings like this before or had any sort of psychic or telepathic connection with that person.
I know I'm not crazy, but is this just one huge coincidence, or is there something going on here?
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