Some of you might have heard that I was trying to get in touch with my spirit guides. I finally did, a fact that I am very excited about! My main guide's name is Corinthia. Strange name, but when she was alive, it was a long time ago, and in a much different place. She is a thin older woman with silvery hair. Some of you may have read one of the stories I posted earlier about a dream I had. That was her in the dream, and it was in fact, one of my past lives. She was my psychic teacher back then, and I guess that attachment carried over into the next life... And the next, and the next, how ever many lives back that was, because it was several centuries ago.
The whole past lives thing is an uneasy subject with me, because I am a Christian, but I believe that, well, Heaven is supposed to be the place where you are happy, and if you would be happier going back to Earth, God wouldn't begrudge you that.
Corinthia introduced my other guides to me one by one. She seems to go more off of what I want than what would be better for me. I asked her how many guides I had, and she said there were four, including herself. I reached out to them with my mind, and I could sense a male presence. I immediately asked her who that one was, and she told me his name was Matthew.
He tried to greet me, but I, having a fear of adult men for some unknown reason, rejected him. I could feel myself beginning to shy away from my guides, which is obviously something I did NOT want to do, and I got angry. I started screaming at Corinthia, demanding to know why she would introduce me to Matthew first when she knew it might push me away. She told me it was because that's what I had asked for. I was frustrated, but I asked her to introduce me to a vibrant female presence that I could feel.
Her name was Lilian. She is tiny, small enough that she looks about sixteen, but is actually in her twenties or early thirties. She has short black hair, and she was the one I was drawn to the most. She just seemed to be carrying around an air of happiness and excitement. She is just one of those people that you just can't help liking from first sight.
I asked Corinthia if she would introduce me to my last guide, a female presence who seemed timid. Her name is Emelia, she has light brown hair. She's in her late teens, between eighteen and nineteen. I didn't really get anything else from her except for the fact that she seemed really nervous. I suspected that I would have a much closer bond with Lilian than with her.
That was before I had the dream.
I was curious about Emelia's past, and I wanted to know more about her. I knew I could just ask Corinthia, but that seemed impolite. I also felt very guilty for not being closer to her than I was, for some reason. I fell asleep thinking about her. I also astral projected a little before I finally fell asleep, which might have had a hand in this.
In my dream, I was with Emelia. I was about a year older than her, and I definitely looked different! I had dark brown hair with brown eyes, and my face looked more like Emelia's than it looked like my waking face. We were cousins, but we were as close as sisters. And I felt an overpowering need to protect her. She was living with our grandparents, and I knew that she was in danger. Our grandfather was a vicious man and he was often drunk. Our grandmother did nothing to stop him, finding some way to justify his actions to herself.
I tried to be with Emelia as often as possible, to protect her. No one really cared where I was, so I went over there often. My parents had gotten a divorce. My dad didn't have any custody over me because he travelled and moved around too much to look after a teenager, and my mom was in a depressed state.
On this day, I had gone over to my grandparents house to stay with Emelia. Like always, we stayed out behind the chicken houses to escape from our grandpa. My grandma had a garden out back there, and she came over to work in it. After a while, she stopped and came over to me. She looked conflicted about something, and I didn't understand it. After a minute of standing there, she told me that she had something to show me. I told Emelia to stay where she was and I would be right back, and I followed my grandma. She started taking me up the stairs to the top of the silo (is that what it's called?) where the chicken feed was kept. I kept asking what she needed to show me, but she just kept saying "You'll see."
When we got to the top, my grandpa was there, with beer bottle in hand, drunk again of course. He said something along the lines of "Well, well, well. If it isn't my favorite granddaughter." I was scared but, I didn't let him see it. He stood up and shoved me, and told me to look him in the eye when he was talking. I asked him what he wanted with me, and he said something like "You wouldn't leave my son alone to treat his own daughter how he liked to, now I'm going to treat you how I like to." He then grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. Then he was talking in my ear. "I'm going to show you how he felt, and get my revenge." He pushed me over the railing. We were several stories above the ground, and I knew I was going to die.
Luckily, I woke up before I hit the ground, but I still remembered how it felt. I remembered the feel of my bones snapping, and crunching. I remembered that, in a refex reaction, I had attempted to break my fall with my hands, and the bone of my left arm had gone through my shoulder blade and come out my back. It was horrible.
I understood that this was my dream was of the last life I had lived before this one. It was terrible, knowing that my life had ended at only sixteen. It was worse, though, knowing that I left Emelia alone with my grandparents.
I could remember everything about her now, too. Her father had sexually abused her as a child. When she was fourteen, he died in a car crash. Her mother did drugs, and she hated Emelia, so she sent her off to live with her father's parents.
We were close friends through all of this, literally like sisters. I was the one who always tried to protect her from her father, and I always comforted her when he did things to her anyways. Our grandpa wasn't that much better. He abused her physically instead of sexually.
She died only a few years after I did.
Emelia was really close to me, so she decided that instead of moving on to another life or going to Heaven, she would stay and be one of my guides. She thinks it's about time that she got to help me. The reason she was so nervous before was because she wasn't sure I would remember her, or how I would feel about her.
I guess the fact that my grandpa killed me in my last life explains why I am so afraid of adult men.
I think all of my guides were in my past life. Emelia and Corinthia certainly were, but the others haven't told me their stories yet. I'm not sure Matthew ever will, seeing as I haven't even trusted him enough to see his face yet.
Also, just another little piece of information I couldn't fit in, but the place my grandparents and Emelia lived was called Irving Road, but I have no idea where. The road I live started with a "Wh." I want to say it was Whixton or Whipping or something, but I can't remember it.
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