Sometimes I Just Know Things

I am 36 years old and for 36 years I have had these weird feelings/knew something was going to happen. I am very O.K with it. Sometimes I tell people and sometimes I don't just so I don't get looked at like I am some sort of a weirdo.

I was friends with, then dated, then lived with a guy who I actually was able to read and he was able to read me too. We broke up in 1997. Didn't talk for years (bad, sad break up and I won't go into it). I wanted to make amends with him in the summer of 2008. I called him up out of the blue after thinking for a day about what I was going to say to him. I had told a co worker of mine about a time that me and my now husband ran into him at a bar. I make the call and after he got over the shock that it was me on the other end he says "OK this is weird, I was just thinking about the time I ran into you and Tracy (my now husband)." I told him how crazy that was sense I JUST TOLD THAT STORY yesterday! His response was "I guess we still have that weird thing between us." We had a great conversation and kind of left it at that.

Months later I had this awful feeling that something was VERY wrong with him so I called him (again out of the blue). He wasn't doing good at all, he lost his job, he was very sad, lonely, he was VERY drunk (it was bad). I talked to him for over 3 hours, we said everything and anything that should have ever been said to each other, said I Love you to each other and hung up. After that I got word from mutual friends not to call anymore, that it was too painful for my ex to talk to me so I listened and just kept an eye on him from far away. This past Oct I got very upset for no reason and my stomach hurt really bad, I get a call that me ex is in the hospital and VERY sick. I knew it before I got the call. A couple months go by and I made it a point to not ask how he was doing because I knew it was bad. On Feb 2nd while I was at work I felt the need to call him. I would get to the last number and just didn't push it. I thought about what I would say and then thought about what our last words were a few years ago (I LOVE YOU) and I just left it at that. That night I saw some people who didn't know him and I said "I AM VERY WORRIED." I go home go to bed and wake up the next morning with this gut feeling so I made it a point to drive to his house even though it's far and I would never go up to the door BUT I felt the need to go and just drive past. I get to his house and omg I almost got stuck in the mud RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS HOUSE! I looked at the house and got a horrible feeling. The house actually looked different somehow (looking different is the only way I can explain it) as I unstick myself I turned around, stopped and had to look again. I went on with my day and during dinner around 9 p.m I spilled to my husband on where I had gone for the day. He asked me if I thought he was home, I said yes, told him about the awful feeling I had and how the house looked weird "like he was there but wasn't" that's exactly how I explained it to my husband. The next morning while I was working I got a call from one of our mutual friends that my ex had passed away the night before. I think he was expecting me to go all crazy and start crying but I didn't I told him I KNEW IT! I told him that I was just at the house the day before and the reason the mud is all over the lawn was because I almost got stuck. This really tripped out my friend I asked what time did he pass. He said around 9/10 pm and ugg that's when it really hurt. I was having dinner telling my husband how VERY worried I was at that time.

It has shaken me up that even though I hadn't talked to him in a few years and hadn't seen him in many many years that in his last hours on earth I was literally feet away from him. All he had to do was look out his dining room window and he would have seen me stuck in the mud.

Personally I think he knew he was dying and didn't care anymore. I was told that a couple days before he passed he had called his brother and sister, they both had great conversations with him but now that they look back on it they think it was his way of saying goodbye. He didn't have my number (he literally burned it) he was stubborn enough to where he wouldn't call me anyway lol BUT I very very very much think he was sending out vibes to me and I very much felt them.

I have had other weird things happen to me when I have known something was up but this was the one that really blew me away. The feeling was SO STRONG - I wish I knew how to work with it better, it just kind of jumps up on me but I am very grateful for it =) Sorry this is so long, it's my 1st post and well this event was pretty heavy for me and I didn't want to leave a lot of it out.