Ill eventually put up a back story about myself, but for now I feel that I should post about this first, now. I tend to get feels about things, like a zap to my intuition, and so when I felt what I felt today I ran up to my room, grabbed the old paper, and came back down here. Sometimes ill have an odd episode where ill completely zone out, and sort of, freeze?, in a way. I can still feel my body and I know I'm in my body, but its kind of like my spirit is reaching out to else where. Its a really strange feeling, and its hard to explain. But when these sort of things happen, I have been known to do weird things, say strange things, or in this case, write strange things down. About six months ago, I was sitting quietly in my open period room (like a study hall) and one of my zone out things happened. At the time I was writing anyway so when it happened, my hand went straight to work following what I was writing. It was like, I felt myself moving the pen, but my mind was at peace, and my heart, my soul, was spilling out onto the paper. When I read it over afterward I was kind of surprised and wasn't sure to be disturbed or not. So that's why I'm posting it here, to see what you all think. It reads as follows...
I have realized that hiding is pointless, living a lie is useless, and thus both harm mainly one person; Myself. I push through life day by day pretending to be a child born normal, though I have known for years that I am not. Yes, I am a girl, simple at first sight, and I live as any human should. Year after year pushing on. But at heart I am no such thing. I feel no such thing. If one could see inside me, see through this ever lasting facade, I would think you would gasp and be left breathless. Yes, I am a simple girl upon first sight, but inside hides an array of colors, of spirit that shines and sparkles with the inner light I hold so dearly. To most this may come off as bragging, but its none the less the truth. If you could only see. If you could see the broken wings upon my back, invisible to all but few. The wings that no longer fly me through the world, fast and fantastic. The wings that can not fly because the weight of this world's dismay holds them down, wilts me to the ground. If you could only open your eyes, see through your arrogant ignorant fog, you then might understand. A child born human I am, but human I am not. And yet this is my soul purpose. To prove there is life beyond what you see with the eyes you take for granted. It is the human way to live life blind to the magick around you, to miss the point of the life you were given. They abuse it, they misuse it, some even take it away, whether it be from others or themselves. The creatures humans have become, the awful world that is our present. But I feel in my heart of hearts that one day soon things will change. Buildings will fall, cars will fail, modern life will cause its own demise. And when such becomes us, trees will rise from beneath, flowers will bloom in new air, the morning dew of this new age will shine upon the true wonders of the world. And when streets become fields again, it will be our chance to start over and for the life of today to fade away. Then my wings will no longer pin me to the ground, along with the others like myself, we will fly again. Our colors wills shine and power will flow and once again our source of life will be pure. And we will join hand in hand and be all we were meant to be, as the wicked fade away and magick rises once again.
As I read it again it still kind of weird me out. I don't know how I really feel about it. Right now it just confuses me. Mainly because I wrote it, but it says things that are just weird and out there, and some things I do believe, but had not come to terms with, but that's a different story for a different site. Lol. And who is the you it refers to? Is it me, or is it a you in general speaking out. I don't really know. I've spent time thinking it over, and eventually came to the conclusion I would post it here. And now I have =) I would greatly appreciate any feed back or ideas! =) And maybe I'm not the only one that does this zone out thing?
On a side note, I don't have any mental issues, because if I were the average Joe reading this id think a number of mental disorders to check up on, but I'm in perfect mental health soooo, that's not it. Lol.
**Lastly, if you've got anything negative to say, like call me a dumb freak or say I'm crazy and need a cat scan or anything like that, I don't want to hear it. That's not what this site is for, and I don't like seeing people comment things like that on others' posts.**
Thanks for everything! Blessed be! <3