I'm an open-minded person to the extent that others often come to me for personal and metaphysical advice, though I'm not a psychic. People love to be around me. I'm often told I'm very sweet, yet I wonder what I said one day to make them look at me afraid; suddenly turning almost mean. I have anxiety disorders, but I'm not a Medium of any sort.
In elementary school, I got in trouble often for daydreaming out the window; my sight went weird when I'd see inside thought pictures, which was at first very difficult to control. I spent a lot of time in the hospital for surgery and folks said the "spacing out" was due to the drugs (or my teen-age Hippie siblings).
I'm smart, intuitive, and anxiety disorders have heightened my senses, but I'm not psychic. A distant friend of the family sat near me once at a funeral, and I'd remembered that I had a strange dream about her. Upon jokingly telling her about the dream she shocked me with her reaction. It seems that her own mother had recently died and I'd described her, though I'd never met her before, as well as the death scene! The rather conservative friend interpreted my dream as a loving message from her mother, and was nearly terrified; so was I. Alright, I'm finally ready for the truth.
A few nights ago my husband and myself were having a discussion about reincarnation. He was in the midst of a profound personal insight when I suddenly felt compelled to interrupt. I felt a very strong desire to share an odd random thought that had popped into my mind. I asked if he knew anyone named Tom, for some reason. At first he was understandably annoyed, and then his jaw dropped.
"Why?" he asked. I responded that it was almost like I heard it said inside my mind, like a memory of talking to one's self. He grew a little pale as he explained Tom was a nick-name for his friend who had died in childhood. Though I knew the story well, I'd never heard this pet name before; he explained that it was a bit too painful to have said before. He began to ask me questions, wondering why on earth I'd bring that up. So, I asked "myself" why. Soon, an entire conversation between the three of us began to flow; myself, my husband, and the dead guy in my head!
At this point even I thought I'd gone mad for sure. At several points my husband assured me that I was not only sharing details no one could know, but was even using words and inflections Tom would have chosen! I still haven't fully come to terms with this experience, hence my urge to share in writing.
Suddenly my eyes see more clearly that I didn't want to see at all before. I bet I'd have more friends if I learn when and what to say, and where the words are coming from.
Now what?
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It gets to be too much sometimes like a multi-lane highway. How can one person have so many different kinds of "gifts" yet not have the guidence to gain clarity!? I've learned enough to understand where certain energies come from & how they will likely effect me (solar flares, dangerous forthcoming situations) but when they stack on top of each other I'm picking them up as stress, which only compounds whatever normal daily stresses that may be present. I have learned a particular blocking method (pulling Light through the 3rd eye to the solar plexus chakras) that works for many things but finding valid methods has NOT been easy -- especially if you don't know the right terms to search. It's like I'm smart but really dumb too -- very frustrating. I suppose I needed a place to unload because things got to me today. But I NEED a place to say (or type) the crazy things I need to say.
So random dead people do and always have come to me. Most of the time it's simple to help them go where they need to & it can be done internally so that none of the living think I'm talking to myself. I've gotten over that & I think it really does help them move on. Occasionally there are still some that I can't tell are dead because they are so solid walking next to me. Well if any of the neighbors see me talking to them I just have to take a crazy hit-point & try to do better at verifying someone is physical before saying hello outload. I hear thoughts from people... But not all of the time & it can be awkward determining what to reply to & what to ignore. Sometimes a person walking past the house will send out a thought or feeling that I pick up on. We had some neighbors for a while who were very negative (dangerous really) & I could SMELL them before they'd even get home. Then too the world events of course effect us all. I am a walking human antenna! And it's not all non-pysical either because I'll often hear space weather effects & satalite transmissions. So if I'm spending all of my time reading methods to use these things & block when am I supposed to have a life? Some days it's simply too much to be feeling someone elses physical pain plus my own, sensing nearby life threatening danger, anxiety from earth energy & solar flares, the dead wanting my attention, a spirit or demon stuck to me trying to suck my energy, keep those blocks up, and then regular ol bills & housekeeping! I spent 20 minutes at a job once helping a customer that only about 3 other people could see & one of them wasn't the boss -- explain that to the unemployment office! Tell me a paranormal experience & I have one to match for just about every type of thing -- it's rediculous. I can't research on how to deal with me without knowing what me is... Psychic, medium, clairvoyant, cards or stones, angels & fairies -- head spins! I suppose that this is me telling the Universe "Ok, I'm listening. Now I really need some help, some direction here!"