The women in my family have always had unique spiritual abilities, so it is no surprise that I seem to have them too. My maternal grandmother has premonitions in her dreams, and often "knows" things about people, although she has spent her whole life avoiding this gift, as she places more importance on the practice of the Catholic faith.
My mother is much more open to her experiences. She can meet someone she doesn't know, and will be able to tell them things about themselves that no one else would know. She is also able to "predict" the future for certain people, although the predictions come to her as flashing images, numbers or letters. She reads Tarot cards and Angel cards as they help her to interpret the symbols she receives. This phenomenon has been a part of my life since I can remember, so I am very open to this and don't think it is weird, or strange.
I was brought up a Roman Catholic, although I am not religious today. I believe in God and Jesus, although I do not attend church (except on special days such as Christmas and Easter- Catholic guilt, you know). When I was younger, I was much more in touch with my religion, however I don't connect religion with spirituality anymore.
My own experiences began since I was about 4 years old. My mother said that I used to tell her stories about an old man who sat next to my bed and spoke to me, and I vaguely remember him. I also saw my mother's best friend four years after she passed away. However, these visions stopped when I reached puberty. I have this belief that the more "in the world" we are, the more our lives are focused on the material and not the spiritual, the less we experience these abilities.
One thing has remained constant in my life though. I have dreams that often come true, but more frequently, I dream about ghosts or spirits who I don't know in my reality. No one I love has ever died, so these ghosts seem to be others that are attracted to me because of my ability. My dreams are often extremely realistic, and I usually know that I'm dreaming. Often the milieu of my dreams will recur. Sometimes I am too afraid to confront these spirits, because I "feel" they are upset or negative. On occasion, I have been successful in convincing them that they are in fact, deceased.
When I was younger, these dreams frightened me because when I woke up, it felt as if I was still dreaming. I wasn't sure about how to deal with them, or whether they were just a figment of my imagination. Now that I'm older, I know that they cannot be false, or a result of too many horror movies. In my dreams, I know intimate details about the lives of these ghosts, as well as their character. Often I cannot give them a sense of peace, and this is both frustrating and sad. There is one women in particular who I continue to dream about, and I know that I cannot help her, although she is is deep pain.
Besides these dreams about unrestful spirits, I also dream about the devil. I want to make it clear that I don't believe in a devil. I don't believe that there is a being with horns and a pitchfork that attempts to create evil in our lives. Bad comes from inside us, we create it, just as we create good too. There are manifestations of evil, as well as good, and the conflict between these two abstractions occurs on every level.
I have dreamt that I am fighting evil. Evil often takes the form of someone I know, or love and it is my duty to destroy this evil presence. I believe that the evil abstraction takes the form of someone I know or love to make it more difficult for me to "kill" or destroy it. Often I am assisted by others, and sometimes it is my challenge alone. It sounds far-fetched, I am aware of that. But I believe it, and that is all that matters I suppose. What helps me in these dreams is prayer and a profound sense of faith, which I seem to lack in my daily life. Whether these dreams serve to test my faith, or help me find it, I am not sure.
Recently I moved to a small town to attend university. Although beautiful, this town is very haunted and many places make me extremely uncomfortable. I have seen one apparition and "felt" the presence of spirits many times. Since I have been here, I have had many dreams, more so than I did when I was living in the big city. It is as if I am acting as a sponge to all this spiritual energy. I have to pray every night, and surround myself with protection, so that the dreams are controlled.
It may seem that I am pretty certain of my convictions, but I still have many questions regarding this area of my life. I have only spoken to a few people about these things, as most aren't comfortable with it at all. I am hoping that people will respond to this, either with their own experiences, or similar ones to mine. I would also like to hear feedback about what others may think.
My mother says that I have mediumistic abilities, that will continue to improve as I get older (I am only 19). I am not so sure whether I am ready for this, or if I am strong enough to deal with the feelings that these experiences bring me. I have asked God to make them stop, and I go through periods where I dream nothing of significance. However, they always come back. I have a very strong personality, so I am not afraid of this gift channeling negative energy, because it is not welcome in my life.
My mother also recommends, to anyone who finds these experiences overwhelming, to pray to God, or whatever you believe in (even if it is yourself), to make it stop, and surround yourself with a "golden bubble of light" which proves quite effective in avoiding those things which you we may not be ready to deal with.
Roxanne
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