The Greater The Impact The Stronger The Sense

I've always known on a deep down subconscious level that I've always been a little different, kind of left field of my family & my friends, I just never really feel like I fit in on some levels. From the time I was young, around 8yrs old, I've had what I can only describe as my gut feeling or intuition as some call it into knowing the unknown on some level. It's not something I have to quieten the mind to tap into or anything like that, it tends to hit me out of the blue, without warning & without my willingness to participate.

Sometimes it's a little foggy to interpret because I just get the overwhelming feeling that I have to do something, contact someone or go to see someone then an unexplainable random thought about that particular person pops into my head as to why & sometimes the thought doesn't make sense at the time. I generally act upon these feeling & thoughts even if I feel stupid for doing so because if I try to ignore them they just become stronger as the day draws on to the point where some of them I just can't ignore.

The timeframe between the initial gut feeling & the end result of the event that unfolds is never any longer 24-48hrs. I have come to realize that the greater or more devastating the impact each individual event would have had on my life, the stronger the sense becomes.

These event have always come in the form of gut feeling to do something or contact someone but over time & in waves these events also take the form of seeing people I don't know, I have never met & are not of this earthly existence any longer so I have later discovered.

To explain what I am saying I have to share some of my experiences that really stand out & to this day I can't explain with logic, rational thought.

As I was growing up, dad was a true skeptic in every sense of the word, he didn't believe in a higher power, god, ghosts or anything else that science couldn't explain & mum, although she has always said she believes in ghosts, I have never been able to talk to her about any of this because she is so negative in energy & bitter about her life & events that have unfolded for her. My siblings are more mainstream in their thoughts & tend to fob off their gut feelings about things that they should have really paid attention & they still can't seem make that connection even in hindsight so I've never had anyone I can truly confide in about my experiences. As for my friends, as I said I tend to feel like I don't really fit in with them on some level.

When I was younger & in a relationship with a long haul driver, we had planned that I go on this trip with him to keep him company, 24hrs before we were scheduled to leave on this trip, I was tidying the cab & changing the linen in the sleeper berth of the truck & for some unexplained reason I went inside the house, got a doona from the cupboard & proceeded to put it in the sleeper of the truck. My partner asked me what I was doing, it was the middle of summer & we didn't need a doona. I couldn't explain it, it was just something I had to do, he wanted it out of the truck & after much arguing with me he gave up & left it where I put it.

We went to bed not really talking due to the arguing & the next morning when we woke up I told him that I wasn't going with him & I didn't want him to go either, of course he wanted to know why & without any sound reasoning behind my response, I just said that he was going to have an accident & if I go I'm not going to make it. He told me I was being stupid which caused another argument, he was furious with me & left on his trip without saying anymore.

In the early hours of the following morning the police knocked on my door & informed me that my partner had an accident on the way to his destination & was in hospital, I was in shock to say the least, I rang the hospital to see how he was & discovered that he was more worried about me & the fact that he had argued with me about the events leading up to the accident. He proceeded to tell me that the doona that caused our first argument was the one thing that saved his life because if it hadn't been wedged in place he wouldn't have been able to pull himself from the wreck before the trains hit the truck, the police on scene told him that he was indeed extremely lucky & that if he had had a passenger with him they would definitely not have survived the initial truck rolling onto the train lines.

Years later, my partner had given up driving & we bought a small failing business to build up, it was going ahead in leaps & bounds then one day I was walking out of our garage & I had this feeling that I had to go back & look in a motorbike tyre that we had hanging on the garage wall, it was just one of a few spare for my son's trail bike. I ignored it as I'd walked past this tyre for a few years now & never had this feeling before about it. The feeling got that strong as the hours ticked on, that I couldn't ignore it any longer so I walked into the garage & looked in the tyre, I found 3 bags of speed, a box of condoms & a woman's phone number. When my partner go home I asked him to explain them, he said explain what so I ended the relationship right there & then.

It was 2 months before I ended my relationship that my step mother who I was extremely close to became very depressed & ill due to her workplace & superiors forcing her to undertake responsibilities that she was just not trained or skilled enough to do & used guilt to keep her in that position until she could no longer sustain her mental or physical health any longer.

In a passing conversation with dad one day I out of the blue told him that he needs to get a carer for my step mum during the day while he's at work because he's going to come home one day & she'll be gone, why I said that I have no idea because she wouldn't leave the house at all for any reason. Two days later I got a phone call from dad asking if my step mum was with me because he came home from work & she was gone, she was listed as an official missing person & to this day we have no idea what happened & there has never been an officially confirmed sighting of her.

The following day after her disappearance I started seeing images of her & when I rang dad that night, I asked him what she was wearing when he went to work that morning, he said she was in her pajamas when he left but her pajamas were on the bed when he got home & they couldn't pinpoint any particular clothing that were missing from her wardrobe that they could definitively say she was wearing on that day, he asked me what she was wearing in these images that popped into my head so I described them, he went quiet, told me to hang on he'd be right back, when he came back on the phone, he said he had to check her wardrobe for what I described because she actually did own similar clothing to what I described & these items were not in the wardrobe.

We still to this day don't know what ever happened to her & she has now been officially pronounced legally deceased by the coroner court.

A couple of years later I started waking up in the middle of the night to see this woman standing in my bedroom, I had never seen her before & had no idea who she was, I asked who she was but never got a response from her, she never said a word in the 18 months she'd appear to me. I found out who she was by accident or so it appeared at the time.

I never told anyone about this woman that suddenly started appearing until one weekend I was home for a visit & staying with dad, we were sitting at the table having a coffee when out of the blue he said that he swears he saw my missing step mum in the house a couple of nights before I got there & that he followed her into the kitchen & by the time he got into the room she was gone. He said, you probably think I've lost the plot but I swear I saw her... This coming from the true skeptic kind of threw me for a moment but I suddenly blurted out about the woman that suddenly started appearing to me but I had no idea who she was or why I was seeing her.

Dad asked me a few questions about it then asked me what she looked like, when I described her he went white as a sheet, got up from the table & went to his bedroom, he came back with a really batter black & white photo & handed it to me. I looked at the photo & said yes that's her, who is she? Dad said it's my mother, your grandmother (she died 3 years before I was born & there was never any family photos on display in our house when I was growing up), he continued to say, you were named after her, & she could connect to the other side but back then it wasn't accepted so we all learnt to deny it & ignore that possibility of the unknown.

Dad was much more open & at peace with loved ones being with us from the other side after that & I have not seen my grandmother since that day dad & I had that conversation.

About 9 months later, I woke up one Saturday morning & had this niggling little feeling that I had to ring dad, I ignored the feeling but then a thought popped into my head that if I didn't ring him I'd never get another chance. I rationalized the thought & told myself to stop being stupid, it makes no sense because I can talk to dad anytime. The feeling became stronger & stronger as the day wore on to the point that I could no longer ignore it & I rang dad at 3pm on that particular Saturday, the feeling was instantly gone when dad picked up the phone which left me feeling a bit silly in that moment but we chatted for about an hour & I hung up feeling much better for the chat.

I got a phone call at work on the Monday morning from one of my brothers, the police had broken into his house that Monday morning after a friend couldn't get in contact with dad. The police discovered his body on the bathroom floor & according to the coroner he had died in the late hours of the Saturday night & according to police I was the last person to talk to dad before he passed away.

In hindsight, it seems it was all part of a sequence of events that had to take place for reasons of which I just wasn't privy to all the information or am I grasping at straws trying to make rational sense of mere coincidences.

Sorry it's so long winded & if your still reading, any input would be greatly appreciated