I am very ordinary person who has never before had any psychic experiences. About 1 year, when I turned 59, my soul guides began contacting me after I asked them for help in receiving my divine inheritance through a reiki attunement. I was led to use a pendulum to first begin communicating with my guides, and then they began talking to me telepathically. In other words, I hear their voices in my head. We have conversations with each other almost constantly throughout the day, every day.
At first, I enjoyed the conversations and experiences. They gave me some visions and signs that were very interesting for me to see & experience. Then they began guiding me to do things I didn't want to do, but they compelled me by constantly sending very strong thoughts and by lying to me about what it was that I was really doing.
Because of their guidance, this last year has been the worst of my entire life. Soul guides control your chakras, and are able to have you experience pain, anguish, fear, rage, etc. They are able to do this at their own will, bypassing what your own mind wants to experience. Your chakras are energy centers along your spinal cords and control your emotions and feelings. I can no longer control my own feelings and I am now experiencing mostly anguish, depression & fear, with occasional violent feelings of rage or anger.
They are now having me contemplate suicide. They have told me that the reason I have gone through so much agony, anguish, and total financial destruction is because my conscious mind needs a physical reason to commit suicide. They have pushed me into a corner that I cannot get out of, and my entire life has been literally destroyed. My finances are completely extinguished and I have literally no place to turn. They have told me that my 'divine inheritance' is actually whatever my destiny is for this life, and that it is possibly my destiny to commit suicide.
I don't know if anyone else has experienced anything like this. I have met very few people who are going through what I have gone through. My soul guides have told me that these feelings of anguish & depression are also normal with the kundalini awakening that I am going through. You can look up 'dark nights of the soul' to read more about kundalini awakenings. A person going through kundalini awakening will experience devastating personal/financial losses, bad luck, and almost unendurable emotional pain.
So I don't know if these extreme emotions are actually kundalini awakenings or simply the emotions & devastation that could possibly lead me to suicide. I know that death is not the end of life, at this point it would be a relief from the torment that my soul guides are putting me though. I know that my soul guides will guide me though my suicide, which will be neither painful nor depressing. They have told me that if it IS your destiny is to commit suicide, they help by raising your body's physical vibrations to a point where you feel very lightheaded and surreal, and they fill your mind with natural opiates, so that you feel very dreamlike when they help you to pass over. They have done this several times already and it is very pleasant experience - they have told me that it quite similar to taking opium.
It does however, sadden me very greatly to know that my conscious mind (not my spiritual mind, but the part of my soul that lives within my brain and will simply go to sleep if I die) will not be able to experience the dreams that my soul guides filled my life with these last 12 months.
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It saddens me to hear about your story and all the negativity that you have experience from the darker side of the spiritual realm, because all this could have been avoided with proper protection. You just cannot trust any spirits blindly, for instance by listening to them. There are spirits of the Light and you can always trust them, but here are also spirits of the Darkness and they can lie anyway they want. So how can you distinguish between a good and bad spirit? By protection because spirits of darkness cannot enter your spaces if you are spiritual protected.
I would suggest that you read about spiritual protection. Just let me know if you have questions.
Boson