My family has a history of being gifted towards the other side, mine started a few years ago at the International House of Prayer in Kansas City, the night I arrived I was totally consumed by the positive energy, and the healing, I was approached by a stranger that studied prophecy at the IHOP college. I was 17 and they told me to hold out on applying for schools, cosmetology, nursing etc. Because the Lord had something in store for me, and that I was created for a purpose, and He had a surprise for me that he would reveal in November (this was may) and that was the most terrifying nights sleep I've ever had. From all the positivity and light and clarification of the day, to anger, hatred, rage. The negativity flourished- this was also the first time I ever prayed... Which is much different than the dreaming and hoping, and wishful thinking I realized, to communicate with your God is a very different light.
Long story short, growing up my parents were extremely negative individuals ruled by addiction, as a child and young adult I was in poor health and often lived in tents or campers with no power or water ALWAYS in the woods. My older brother and I spent a lot of time alone, and a lot of time in darkness, luckily I started playing guitar when I was 13, and it became my release. I never thought of pursuing this, for life had really beaten me down by this time. November 5th 4 years ago was the day I was touched, and the day I knew I was meant to be on stage, that all this pain, all this suffering was a gift. And I knew I would help people and uplift them and heal them.
It's almost as if the closer I get to my destiny, or the right path, or whatever you want to call it... Its like they sense it. By the time I was 19 I was working 2 jobs, addicted to drugs, and married to a codependent abusive drug addict, I was so deep in depression, I ached all over and had no energy whatsoever, the painkillers didn't even help anymore. But I continued to play my guitar, it was the only time I could lose sight of the pain, I didn't feel anything when I was playing.
In this deep depression I believe is the first time I experienced communication between me and my spirit guide. I of course assumed I was slipping into insanity and didn't really care either to be honest, I remember throwing myself into music and feeling really connected to musicians that have passed on, crying for them and the loss the world feels without them, and I remember feeling so lost and I felt spirits around me, they were funny, they made me laugh hysterically, I often wonder if it was the spirits of these lost legends... Either way they uplifted me and embraced me, one in particular, would hold me and fill my head with positivity and love the most. I tried to tell a couple people including my mom what was going on, and they were incredibly concerned about my sanity. I was a little concerned as well, but I felt this was not a negative experience at all, nor did I have the mental energy to focus on it.
About this time, I found out my mom had cheated on my father and got pregnant, (my dad lost the ability to have children after me) followed by divorce an my dad moved in with me I took care of him until my parents decided that they don't know how to function without each other, they overcame and they got re-married when my baby brother was 5 months old.
He has been an absolute blessing, he has brought a broken family back together and taught us so much about the limits of love. And his soul and mine have an extremely deep connection that I can't exactly place, I do know that in his birth, came my rebirth, I became his protector, from whatever, anyone, anything. I even started writing letters to him when he was a baby, a journal more like, documenting my life and trials and thoughts, and love for him.
I divorced my husband, kicked an addiction cold turkey, and moved to the city, where I met who I believe is my twin flame, I knew from the moment I saw him, it was deja vu and I felt the pull of the universe, I needed him.
I have been living with him for about 2 months now and I still have deja vu everyday, with him and members of his family, sometimes 10+ times a day. I thought maybe a past life was trying to reach out to me, and it was really starting to throw me off having deja vu mid conversation an such. I feel that I am right where I need to be, but I still feel I need healing from all the hurt of the past, especially the emotional trauma of my marriage.
I don't ever remember a time where I fell asleep somewhere I was comfortable, or the feeling of having enough love as silly as that might sound. I feel like I struggle with allowing myself to be happy, and heal, and accepting love, but most of all I struggle with loving myself.
Im a 21 year old musician, I can in no way afford counseling, so I started researching chakra cleansing and meditation, hypnosis etc.
In adapting to the move, and it REALLY has started opening me up, but also unseeding a bunch of deeply rooted emotions in my mind. I'm worry about protecting myself against the negativity, when it comes to your mind, can it be too open?
I know very little about protection, I read that you can pray to the arch angel Michael for protection which I do often now, the first time I did I was home alone and I started pouring sweat, and also I find white feathers from my down mattress pad in odd places now...
I don't know much about contacting your spirit guide, or spirit guides, and I'm fearful of demons trying to 'infiltrate' or fool me. I'm also adapting to living in the city, which can be off putting at times.
I definitely am receiving images and messages, which feel to me to be of a positive nature and it happens more when I am around someone who is feeling distress or grief it becomes more persistent.
I'm wondering if I have psychic abilities, I am trying to heal and cleanse so I can ascend, but I am EXTREMELY sensitive to others energies, and prefer being alone. My energy can get spent really easy just being around others, I'm also heavily affected by foods I ingest. Can I censor these frequencies? Is there a way to block energies from people and objects, or filter it through my body?
And can my adjusting and moving of energies affect the people I live with, and my relationship? How can I protect them? And keep negativity and demons away from them? Can the demons that sense my divine path present themselves through the ones I love?
I also am discovering that I'm able to heal others through physical touch, any important information on learning how to heal with energies would be so much appreciated!
Would I benefit from speaking to a medium? Are there apprenticeships for this sort of thing or schools? And how could I best utilize these gifts and channel healing through my music and art. I'm very confused.
I need guidance on how to communicate with my spirit guide.
Peace, love and light.
Another thing that might have been impactful is that I have been on a journey to end suffering altogether, I've been reading 'The power of now' by eckhart tolle almost constantly since I was 14. Which I believe has helped me to connect spiritually and surrender mentally.
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