My Twin Flame

When I was a senior in High school I had a class with a guy named Shane. At the time he was in a relationship with a girl I had known since Elementary and who I had always been a little jealous of. During that final year I had my first real boyfriend and many crushes. Shane and I sat next to each other for almost a year and didn't talk much. But I was aware of his presence and would catch my self eavesdropping on conversations he had with his girlfriend. One day Shane didn't show up for class and I had always wondered what happened to him, but it wasn't something I had obsessed over. I found out he had broken up with his girlfriend and had transferred to another school. After awhile I forgot all about Shane, and graduated high school and met a guy who I thought was my soul mate.

We got engaged and moved in together. We had a rough patch a few times, but once we were in the same house everything seemed to be going smooth. My fiance had got involved in the tech community and did lots of computer stuff. Three years into our relationship, Shane appears. He and my fiance had had a disagreement on Twitter, but somehow became fast friends. One day in 2011 my fiance and I decided to try this new restaurant out, we walk inside and I hear this guy say my fiance's name I turn to the direction and am shocked to see Shane. He was there with a girl who at the time I didn't know was just a friend. My first thought when I saw him and this girl was that I hoped she wasn't his girlfriend. I hugged Shane, as if I was seeing an old friend, but we had never been friends. He invited us to sit with him and his friend, so we did and had a nice lunch together. He didn't remember me from High school. But I still remembered him and his conversations with that girl he was dating.

When lunch was over we left and that night I get home and break the screen of my mac book air. The mac was a gift from my fiance and he had told me to always be careful with it, I didn't want him to know I broke it. I remembered that Shane had said he fixed Mac's for a living, so I contacted him online and he said he would help me out. I told him to keep it from my fiance and he agreed. During the time I was saving up money to get my Mac fixed, my I-Pod breaks. I needed the i-pod to sell for money, so again I contact Shane, not being able to go to my fiance. I go to Shane's apt and the first thing I say to him is "i usually don't look this bad". He laughs it off and helps me get my i-pod working again. He gives me a ride home and on the way he talked about my fiance and said he had never felt that way about a girl since High school and I told him that my fiance was super clingy, which was weird of me to say to a comment like that. Long story short my computer gets fixed and life goes on.

My fiance did find out that I broke it, but he wasn't mad about it. After I got it fixed I had a dream that I was kissing Shane and that's where my infatuation with him started. I started looking into him more and started to listen to his online music profile. I fell in love with every song he listened to. We run into him at Target one night and I just can't stop starring at him. Slowly but surely Shane became a part of me and my fiance's life, he would come over all the time and I kept liking him more and more. I won't talk about every single moment, but by the end of the summer I was in love with him and I had no idea why. I just adored the kid, I thought he was funny, cute looking and my heart would beat really fast whenever he talked to me. I figured it was just a crush, but all that changed one night in November.

I saw him walking downtown to his car and so I decided to follow him. He got into his car and I was at a cross walk I didn't want him to leave so I stepped out in front of his car and he almost hit me. He asked me where I was going, so I lied and said Walgreens. He gives me a ride and the whole time I am so nervous. I asked him if he wanted to hang out with me for a little bit, so he agreed. We go back to my apt and we are sitting on the couch, he is drinking a beer and I say "Can I ask you a really weird question" he said "ok" I asked him if things were different would he ever consider dating me. He said that he'd have to think about it since he was friends with my fiance. Keep in mind this kid knew I liked him, because I told him once when I was drunk. I asked him if he remembered I had said I liked him and he said he did, I was sure he had forgotten. Then I say its not like I can do anything about it and he asked me what I would do. I tell him I would kiss him and he says ok. So I kissed him and it was the best experience in my life. It felt like time literally stopped. My mind blanked out. I pulled away and say "Well that was weird" and he asked me if I wanted to kiss him again and I said "of course" so I kissed him again, more than once. I felt so many emotions, but I knew I didn't want to push it further so I pulled away from him, we swore we'd never tell anyone and then he left.

After that things were different shane didn't come around much. My fiance found out I had kissed him, cause I told him, he forgave me and we went on with life and shane was still there and shane never found out my fiance knew we had kissed. But then he moved away and I couldn't handle it, my life started to spiral. I ended up in the hospital for heart problems and almost died. I had so much anxiety and stress and I cried so much. Eventually I got hold of myself and tried to move on from Shane, but I would dream about him all the time. The dreams were always the same I was trying to find him and screaming his name at the top of my lungs. I dreamed this almost every night for weeks. I'd see things that reminded me of him and I would just sob instantly. I had to start taking beta blockers because my heart got so out of control. I was put on anti depressants and had to get into therapy. I knew then that there had to be something more to it, then just a crush or obsession.

I still remained engaged to my fiance and he remained in touch with Shane. Nearly a year later we visit him and get to see his apartment. We hung out with him for a weekend and I still felt strongly for him. I wrote him a letter about my feelings and gave it to him in secret. My fiance takes a picture of me and Shane together and said we looked like a dysfunctional couple and Shane said that was the best kind. I stole Shane's t-shirt to keep it with me. I felt really empty when we left him and had to go back home. I tell everyone about this and they all think I am supposed to be with Shane, even psychics. It's just Shane doesn't see it. I am still engaged but am seriously thinking I am going to end up leaving my fiance for Shane. I really believe he is my Twin flame. I don't know how else to explain this situation. It's just so weird. Shane told me that no matter what my letter said we would still be fine and he pinky promised me. Who pinky promises with you? Your Twin flame that's who!