I Want To Learn How To Get Connected Again

I was about 12 or 13 years old when everything began. I don't remember exactly what happened first, the nightmares or the feelings. Either way, before I knew I was gifted with many things, I had nightmares almost every day. All of them ended with or were related to death. They had dead things, unnatural people, or someone ended up dead. I've had many nightmares before that had lots of death, but these were like every night.

I remember waking up feeling either exhausted, scared, still seeing the images, or still hearing the dream. Other than the nightmares I've had two visions while I dreamt. They happened a few months apart. There were also feelings I would get during the day, wherever I went, I would all of a sudden get really scared, nervous, feeling unsafe, and I felt like I was being watched. Everywhere I went!

At night it was the worst, sometimes I had to cry myself to sleep because even though I prayed, I felt overwhelmed with fear. I thought I was going crazy because one night I thought I saw someone. I was going to sleep when, with my side view vision, I saw a teenage boy with spiky like hair. He was all black, like a shadow, so I couldn't see details, only a figure. He just stayed there at my bedside, watching me. I was too scared to do anything but close my eyes. When I finally opened them again, he was gone. I saw him again about a year later, around the same time as the last year. I looked in the mirror and I saw the shadow again. And again, I saw scared so I looked away, then back, and he was gone. After he disappeared got mad at myself for not trying to be brave and ask him what he wanted. I didn't know about my gifts, but I still wanted to help him.

After that the feelings became stronger, but at softball practice a few months later, I was about to swing when I saw someone next to me. I didn't swing, instead I stood still, and then when it was over, the person wasn't there. I think it was an old man, but he glowed so bright I couldn't really tell. I think I remember seeing that his face looked like my neighbor, who was very close to our family and had died a few weeks ago, smiling at me. Sleepless nights followed after that. School was still the same, as well as the feelings, but I didn't have time to realize other things I could do. For example, without them telling me, I could tell how a person was feeling, just by sensing it. Also, sometimes I would see little lights of different colors just floating around in the air. There were so many things out of the ordinary, but I didn't take the time to notice because I had thought the weird feelings were all that was going on.

I remember that after I saw the boy the second time, I began to get pounding headaches at the most random times. I never felt weird before they came, but all of a sudden, they were there. After a few nights, my mom couldn't stand to see me suffer anymore. She called this lady who came to our house a few days later. She explained to us that I could feel spirits, and that they caused my nightmares. She told us about doorways that could open and where we could normally find them. She told us how to close them too. When I got near an open doorway I would get the headache. Then as I did what she said, I felt my hands grow warmer the longer I was there. Then I continued until my headache went away. It worked! After that, I knew how to get rid of those pounding headaches. Sometimes they were so strong they made me stagger around holding my head and saying my prayer, but the stronger it is, the harder it is for me to concentrate, therefore, the longer it lasts. The lady sat us down, (us being my whole family), and told us to close our eyes. She held her index fingers to our temples. Then she asked us what we saw. My mom and step dad didn't see anything. They didn't possess a gift. My brother saw red and black, which she said something about dark spirits. My turn came and what I saw was very odd. There was a black background and flashed of different colors. They were kind of like the lights that I see during the day sometimes. Red, yellow, green, blue. All of them were somewhat transparent, so I could see black in them too. She said I had many things. That didn't really explain anything to me besides, yet again, I stood out. My sister went after me; her gift was simple. She saw green, which the lady said, meant that if something had a spirit attached to it, she could heal. She was a healer. I didn't get a straight answer, so I'm still confused. Why did I get two visions? What are my gifts, what am I?

To make matters worse for me, I feel like my gifts are going away. I haven't felt my headaches anymore really. I'm starting to get my old feelings again, but no nightmares, no headaches.

My brother had an attack to his stomach; spirits try to get his attention by making him sick from his stomach. It's been proved that they cause it. Anyways, the "attacked" him and I felt very frustrated because I couldn't sense where it was coming from. I didn't get a headache anywhere in or out of our house. I couldn't tell where it was, so I couldn't help either, and/ or, my brother and the spirit. I feel disconnected from my spiritual life, as I call it, because I haven't had any of "my" headaches. All I'm getting now is my old feelings.

Besides my spirit issues, I don't know exactly all I can do because I never focused on anything but that. I know there is more, but in the meantime, I want to know what I am. I want to learn how to get connected again. I hope to get some helpful answers.