Why Is This Happening? What Am I?

Warning: this is going to be long

Hey guys, my name is Xie (si). I am currently 15 years old. I just found this website last night as I hopped site to site looking for something that can help me with my experiences. Originally, I was actually trying to find an article. However, I found more than what I needed. To clear ideas up, I do not claim to have psychic abilities. Actually, I am not sure. I am into an internal struggle of hot and cold, in and out, or this and then that. Also, I am bipolar and it affects my decisions. Sometimes, I believe I experience paranormals. Often, I am in self denial.

It started when I was five years old back in my home country,Philippines. I always had time to peek at our window. I always see this group of children playing outside near our house. They were dressed strangely. By strangely, I mean different from what the youth wears then. I could not remember exactly what they were all wearing. What I know for sure is that they were a group of four to five, all boys and one girl. With me being a girl, of course I payed extra attention to the only girl. Her name was supposedly Claudia. I always peek at the window every afternoon to see all of them having a conversation. That was how I knew she was Claudia. I remember telling my mom about them. I also remember imitating Claudia by pulling my skirt up to make it look like her high wasted faded brown dress.

Since I was young, I was not conscious if they were real or not. I did not even notice the details until I reflected back after growing older. They would wear the same things every day and they would have the same conversations too. One time, I sneaked out of the house to wait for them near our fence but they did not come. There were no children on our neighbor's place. I know because the next day, I asked the elders for "ate Claudia". They said there was no such person. I have never met Claudia formally. And, it confuses me because I remember talking to Claudia several times. Worse, I remember playing house with her. I even named one of my teddy bear after her. My aunts will also hear me talking to a Claudia but they assumed it was the bear. I already forgot about Claudia. It seems like she just faded as I started going to school. I had no memory of her until recently. I have met girls with the same name as her at my high school. I swear their names were familiar but I did not realize the reason that soon.

Another weird encounter was when I was in second grade. There was a black out. Me, my sis, my bro and our nanny were all in one room with two candles. The windows were closed. Yet, the two candles went out at the same time. As our nanny nagged about it, I saw a little kid peek at the door and run away across the hallways. Aside from that, I also experienced feeling like some things are persuading me to go to certain places. Like, I would all of a sudden stop playing and go to a certain room. Upon reaching the room, I get the thought of "wth?" lol and go back playing. There was only one time when it was really clear. I heard someone called my name but assumed it was just my imagination. Then it called me again, and I ignored it for the second time. I kept on ignoring it until it shouted so loud I ran downstairs to my auntie. Because of these things, I developed the hobby of talking to myself. Often I pass by areas and say stuffs out of no where like "Hi, It's okay I'm just passing by". It just comes out of me randomly.

It stopped for a really really long time. I avoided talking when I wanted to. I always say "there's no such thing/s...". I became really devoted to religion. I was really fearless when it comes to paranormals.

Then, back in 8th grade, in a different country (UAE). We started playing Ouija boards. I was in the situation of oh I believe this, wait I don't.Then, to get rid of the dbouts, I led the game. We used a coin, my fingers were at the bottom nearest to the coin, everybody else's finger is on top of mine. I was not touching the coin. In fact, nobody was. There were only three of us that game. The coin moved slowly and you can feel that it's heavy. We were scared. But, when it started moving faster and faster, we were more of devastated. I read the closing prayers. I was not even looking at the board anymore but I felt my hands floating and randomly moving: (I was in a mixed emotion.

After that, I was traumatized for months. I became paranoid and I never wanted to be left alone. I, again, started having this feeling that someone is starring at me at specific moments. My recovery was slowed down when I saw a ghost child at school. Long story short, there was a child crying in the bathroom stall, the door was opened. I came in to comfort him but he was ignoring me. I got out, looked back and there were two children that time. I was shocked. I tried to show my friend calmly (same friend that I played Ouija board with) but she panicked and ran away with misty eyes. Of course, I ran with her.

I also saw a floating object at our house once. Every one was asleep. I looked at it for an entire minute. The shape is starting to become more and more human like so I covered myself with a blanket. I was trying not to cry. I felt like I was dead cold while sweating and shivering and hearing my own heartbeat. I was saying that If I have special abilities, I want to get rid of it. I begged myself and I begged God.

After that, nothing weird happens to me anymore. Until 2 years later. In another country lol (USA).I played fake Ouija with a bunch of children at our neighborhood. My lil sister gossiped about my lil experience. I agreed to play only if we don't use a real board.

We ended up also playing flicker the candle with supposedly one of the kid's grandma. I also started being more interested;I watched ghost adventures and blahblah. Then, I started seeing shadows in the corners of my eyes even when it's dark. I always prayed it out. I lost interest, it was gone.

And now on the present times, I believe I am no longer a Christian but an antagonistic (don't tell my mom). So yeah, I can't pray it out anymore. But I still talk to him from time to time. Like say sorry in case his real and say thanks or what ever.Okay, so when my uncle died recently, I figured I want my abilities back. When we went to the cemetery for ashes, I heard a violin being played. I followed the music, I was separated from my family but then they found me. When they did, the music faded. Nobody else heard it. I also walked by the walls where they had urns inside. I felt weird, and angry, and sad and then normal. I also stopped randomly on a certain wall and my eyes started burning and tearing. I read the info and a 17 months old baby's ash is supposed to be there.

I am really sensitive to what other people are feeling. Sometimes I don't know if I'm sad or if I'm sad because someone is sad. I am really bipolar or idk! There are certain rooms that gives me certain feelings too.Lately, I have been having dreams that comes true. I feel so weird. This kind of things happen to me in an on and off motion. It depends on how I view it. I can't really explain.It's like, it happens when I believe it can happen.

Also,if I happen to have abilities, I believe it's weak.