A Confused, Curious, And Budding Empath

Beware, this story may be a teensy weensy bit too long for some, so if you're not up to it: escape now, because I've got a lot to say.

I've been suffering from depression on and off since I was about 11 in the sixth grade. I was never happy, I always wanted to be alone, and it took a lot for me to make any kind of friends. Then came the eighth grade and things started to change. Right when I started that school year, I met my best friend of three years. Once she became a part of my life, everything brightened in my day-to-day living. But, that's when weird things began happening.

At first it was subtle, like a deep kind of insight or intuition. Like I would just know things about people, ex. If a friend was deeply sad or angry or insecure or nervous, I'd be able to tell nearly instantaneously. I never thought anything of it. Then the light predictions came, ex. I predicted that my best friend was going to fall for her one of her close friends even after she rejected the idea consistently, and about eight months later they became an item. That's just one specific time I can remember. I knew what someone was going to feel and do because of that feeling before they knew what they were feeling.

I'd always been able to see passed the facade people usually put up when they were hiding their feelings. It would be scary because I wouldn't even be that close to them, we'd just have a simple connection, and then suddenly I'd zero in on them as if I were homing in on the exact location of where the unsettling emotion was coming from. Sometimes, it'd be hard to tell who the emotion was emanating from, but eventually I'd figure it out.

Freshman year was when things really started to get kooky. During that time, my best friend and I were separated due to classes scheduling and so forth, I ended finding another close friend whom I assumed was a best friend at the time. I also began crushing on a senior very seriously. After meeting this new friend, I gradually let her in and as our bond deepened, the predictions came and what feelings she was having showed up inside of me. There was one time in particular, where I came home after a long day at school and suddenly this wave of anguish and sorrow washed over me, so I fled to the bathroom and tears just started rolling down my cheeks. I cried for about an hour, and the sadness was so deep it wracked my body. The next day, my new friend got her heart broken and she cried deeply, and the emotion radiating from her was an equivalent to what I had felt the day before.

As for my senior ex-crush, I could feel where he was at all times. I'd know if he was in school or not before I'd even stepped on school grounds. We also developed some form of a bond; we sort of became pseudo brother and sister for a time.

When I would hang out with my best friend, I'd start to just know things again. A boy had come over her house once and she told me that they were close friends and it was completely platonic. After spending some time with him, just a little really, unexpectedly I found that he was going to like like my best friend in due time. Sure enough, two months later it happened.

I'm a sixteen year old junior in high school now, but before I get on to the present, there was this traumatic event that happened to me midway of sophomore year that caused me to unknowingly fully shield myself. It was after school and me and my group of friends decided we were all going to walk home together. My best friend was standing near a girl friend of ours and when I walked up to my best friend to talk to her, I ended up standing in between the two. In that moment, I was rocked so hard by a deeply negative energy. Unsure of whom it was coming from, I repeatedly stepped in and out from between them. I eventually managed to pinpoint the source to the friend standing near my best friend. Though my emotions were running amok, I did my best to ignore it. When we got outside, it was as though everything inside me amplified, and I burst into tears. And according to my best friend (I don't remember too much of that particular moment), I pointed at the girl and told her through my tears that something bad was going to happen to her.

This friend had already learned of my ability, so she panicked, and about a month later she was hit by a car. Thankfully, she didn't die, but we didn't see her for close to a month. We tried checking up on her, but she didn't respond to our calls or messages. Finally we managed to get through to her and she told me, "You were right. Something did happen to me. I've just had surgery." When we reached her house, she told us about the car accident. And not an hour before, I had saved my best friend from getting hit by a car crossing the street to which I had a strange response, almost as if I knew what had happened to the girl before I had gotten to her house. After that, I was so afraid and upset with myself, somehow I managed to close off my ability.

It was a huge mistake, one that took a long time to come back from. I hated everything and everyone. I had no compassion for human beings, none for life itself. I didn't want to be friends with anyone. I created and resided in my own personal bubble of solitude. I could feel nothing. Two of my friends, one being my best friend, did their best to snap me out of it and gradually I came out of it.

I've been known to be ultra sensitive to anything that pulls emotions out of me. Particularly movies. I cry in just about every single one, because I feel as though I'm feeling what the characters are supposed to be feeling. I can tell when my family members are upset, or deeply depressed inside.

I'm very, very good with children (I intend to be a mother someday myself) and 9 times out of 10 I form a bond with any one of them I meet. There was one child whom I especially adored, the son of a friend of the family in fact, and when he was upset or crying I was on the verge of tears where as everyone else was sympathetic. When the child told me he loved me (that had been our first meeting), everything inside me glowed and warmed and I began to cry.

I've also been known to read what other people are thinking based off of their emotions. I had been in art class one day during sophomore year, and suddenly I got this warm, fluffy feeling that one gets whenever they think about someone they like or love even. I had asked aloud who was thinking about something lovey dovey or about their boyfriend, and the girl sitting across from me blushed and said she had been.

I've been able to sense negative energy and separate it from the positive. If a house has a negative energy signature or some sort of residue, I've been able to tell what exactly happened in that part of the house. My sisters have seen manifestations of said energy.

Once, I had went to a friend's house and I climbed the stairs to her bedroom and as I walked in I was taken aback by the negative energy in the room. Looking around, walking around, touching things, I was able to tell my friend each and everything negative she had done in that room.

Like I said, I'm sixteen years old now. I come from a family with similar abilities as me. One of my sisters is a clairaudient, someone who can hear spirits or demonic presences (according to wikipedia, but that is what she can do), and the other, who happens to be my clairaudient sister's twin, has psychic dreams that sometimes link up to others in the household's dreams and she can see spirits. My mom is what I've come to call a null, she mutes out or nullifies whatever we have when we make physical contact with her. When we enter her room, we feel good even if she doesn't.

My entire family has witnessed things supernatural. And my aunts, my mother's sisters, are slightly psychic. However, it doesn't stop at my mom's side; I also have these abilities, I think, because of my father.

My father has always been strange when it came to the dream world. He's talked in his sleep, which one would think would be normal, but not when he starts rambling incoherently about the apocalypse and the devil and God. He has almost prophetic dreams. My sister has linked up to his dreams once or twice and she's woken up in cold sweat, running to either me or my sister, explaining to us about these dreams.

Also, on my mother's side, my great grandmother had been hexed. There was a woman, a Satanist, who lived, I believe, upstairs from my great grandmother and she wanted my great grandfather and saw my great grandmother as a threat. So, one day my great grandmother, according to my grandmother, received a letter addressed to her. She had opened it and had touched something, a black something that had clattered to the table. She began screaming, and slowly over the years, my grandmother explained that my great grandmother went mad and my great grandfather left her to be with the lady from upstairs. A similar occurrence happened to my grandmother's brother or uncle, I can't quite recall, who was also wanted by a dark woman, one who believed in dark magic and all that.

I've been wondering for some time now, if whatever abilities I have stem from the original curse placed on my great grandmother. It's just a thought.

Anyway, initially, I had always thought of my gift as a curse, one I was scared of and didn't want. Now, I accept it, am fascinated by it, and want to learn to control it, manipulate it, channel it, and use it mostly to help others. One thing I have noticed about my gift is that I have to make a connection to a person first. Generally, I get first impressions that tell me if I'll like a person or not, whether a person is good or not, and I think that comes from my gift as well. I've only ever been able to tell what a stranger's feeling if that person has intense emotions radiating off of them.

So, if anyone has any advice, guidance, thoughts or whatever. Please, please let me know. I need help.

Thank you so much for reading,

ALKnight

(P.S. I've also had these strange dreams where I am getting married, but I'm walking down the aisle alone, without my father. And in the following dreams that seem to be visions of what will happen in the future he is not there. In reality, my father has had several car accidents. Some serious, some life threatening without causing physical harm, and others completely harmless. Any idea what this might mean? I've also had dreams of my future: of my husband, my children, my home, my career, my best friends and family. I can never quite see their faces clearly, but I know who they are to me either by conversation or instinct. Sometimes I can't hear certain conversations; I just see the two people talking. Are these some form of psychic dreams?)