I Feel Crazy... I Don't Know If My Thoughts Are My Own

I can't remember much of my childhood, but one of my most memorable moments was before my dad past away. I stared into a picture of us and a deep, manly, voice told me he wasn't going to see me grow up. I was only in second grade at the time, and he did happen to die. I'm 21 now, and that was only the beginning. Since before I can remember I have always had voices in my head and thoughts that would pop out of nowhere. When I lived with my mom and her boyfriend I would always suffer from headaches and things in that house were always so spooky. I feel crazy, these voices have talked to me and have triggered so many different types of emotions in me. Now, let's throw in the mix a curse that was put on my mom to see her dead and unhappy and poor, and evil spirits, and animal looking beings walking around and visiting. Lately, for the past four years I have seen things--not with my eyes but my mind-- the best way I can explain it is like reading a book and picturing these things in your head. They talk to me through my thoughts and a voice, not my own but a monotone kind of voice, just drowns me with so many different words and sentences I can only pick up a few things here and there. I get headaches and when I read the Tarot I have extreme headaches, and the cards are always humming and buzzing and with so much energy! I try to hear them but I can barely concentrate on one word they are saying. Recently my bff read the cards for me and she's Moroccan, it was the first time she had ever touched the cards, but this beautiful lady appeared behind her and it was CRAZY! I probably sound nuts, but this lady looked a lot like the high priestess; she told me she was 'old blood' which I think means my friend's family from a very long time ago and she was whispering to her and it was amazing because the cards started speaking a different language filled with the most prettiest melodies of sounds and there was this vortex and bubble around them because there were these bad spirits there yelling telling her to stop reading the tarot for my mom (which are the spirits from the curse!) and the lady protected my friend from them and there was so much revealed that night. The entire time she smiled at me and told made me feel like everything was ok. In the image of her she never moved her lips she just smiled and I felt so much love from her. She was pure. Then my friend was able to talk to my dead father and I saw his spirit attached to her. Maybe attracted from her energy? But he was like ripples in water and all I could see were his eyes and nose and maybe his cheekbones and he told me "Karlita, I love you" and just thinking about it makes me want to cry because I had forgotten that's what he called me when I was little! I felt so much suffering from him, so much sadness... He feels bad for leaving us. We are so poor and we depend so much on the government for assistance compared to when we use to vacation every summer and always travel because he was a specialist with a certain machine only he could fix and his company one year even sent him around the world! Please, I need help. If I do have a gift or an ability I want to do more with it.