After exploring this site and reading the stories of others, I decided to share my own. Being a Virgo, I often struggle with the parallels of practicality and realism vs. Etymology of the supernatural. In other words... My story (and please be patient if reading, I'm not a journalist).
Are people generally good or evil? You've heard this question before I'm sure. I never could answer that question with complete rectitude, and need to understand why that is such the case.
I've always known that I was an empath. Since my Mom passed (7 years ago), my unyielding awareness of this ability has not only elevated, but has made it impossible for me to tune out of it.
When I sense people whom I don't know, I have this inexplicable feeling of banefulness. No matter what the emotion is they are experiencing, I somehow lack compassion and good will. When I sense people whom I do know, I involuntarily slam them with sarcasm or hollow kindness. Could someone please tell me what is going on?
I consider myself quite a (in an objective comparison) normal person. If normality can be classified somewhat by: I was raised by extraordinary loving parents with tight extended family structures, a playful and memorable childhood, close friends, highly educated, talented in my career and well liked overall. I have no complaints of my younger years. At 34 years old, I am a responsible, sensitive, cool cat who would "give you the shirt of my back" type.
Within the last 7 years, I've had so many unusual occurrences. I'll keep it brief and most current. (while saving your eyes)...
I was in Phoenix once again a few weeks ago with a friend. We went to the Grand Canyon with a group of people (113 degrees in sun) all in a motorized raft down the Colorado River for 5 hrs. During that time, you enjoy the scenery and naturally sense the people around you.
One particular skinny, haughty, "I'm better than all of you" rich b---- women with her obnoxious husband and unruly 6 year old caught my attention. (I apologize now for this) She was wearing a navy blue wide brimmed hat (St. John), a tight black spandex top (D&G), beige capris, sandals (with jewels), a Chanel bag and Gucci sunglasses. The 'worst kind' (feel me), right? I sensed she was unhappy and uncomfortable and wanted to keep it that way. What did I do? I focused on her long, apple red false fingernails. I'm not sure why, I was compressed intently to do so for about 3 minutes. My thoughts were for her to bleed, like the blood color of her nails. I simply did not like her nor her vibes. Here's what happened:
The tour ended and we all boarded the bus to venture back. I sat in the rear, she was 4 rows ahead of me. The driver announced a quick stop to take one last scenic view. We were all encouraged to step off the bus to take a look.
I patiently waited to stand up and take my turn to walk the aisle. As I started to do so, a person in front of me stopped abruptly, noticed the woman I had been disgusted by, and replied, "Are you okay?". She turned to him and quickly said, "Oh, I'm fine, thank you, I just have a nose bleed, probably from the dry heat".
I witnessed this up close and personal, and all I felt was sheer and unequivocal joy. Her husband was in distress and her kid was restless. I was enlightened.
Another incident was a middle aged man (with an 'I'm too sexy" t-shirt on) who cut in front of me at a coffee shop, intentionally! I sensed he was going someplace and 'up to no good'. He was in an apparent hurry. Again, I focused on him as I waited to be next, thinking "I hate your t-shirt". The cashier placed his coffee down, he swiftly grabbed it toward him and upward from the top of the cup, the lid popped off and coffee splattered all over his t-shirt. Again, I was delighted.
At the drugstore down the street, a kid running up and down the aisle ignoring his mother's voice. I sensed he was purposely disobeying her and being selfish with having his own fun. I focused on a fall, or an injury. Sure enough, he tripped over a basket someone left on the floor and plummeted head first into the candy along the counter front. I was smiling.
At my dentist's office, the receptionist answering the phone always in a cheerful tone. She's so happy all the time and so accommodating and helpful to both doctors and patients. I sat there, waiting, and thought, "I hope that damn phone rings and it's bad news". It did ring, and I heard following the greeting, "Oh my god, are you kidding me?...okay, I'll try to get there as soon as I can". It pleased me.
I'm sharing all of this in hopes someone can perhaps explain to me what is going on, how and why. Again, I'm the practical sort, and though I am spiritual and honor other's unique abilities, I can't seem to figure out why I am so dark. I don't even fully believe I have anything unique but regular coincidences.
I am looking for ways to extinguish my dark side. I attempted to get a tarot reading from a well respected source shortly after my Mom's passing. I simply needed some insight, maybe walk away with something useful or anything that would help my grief or shed some light on my empathy. The reader, for whatever reason, could not "complete the cards". In other words, she wouldn't finish the reading. I don't know why to this day that happened, but her demeanor changed after that delivery. I sensed that too... She was belligerent and ready to take me on? Again, I don't know. It left my feeling very confused, to say the least.
If you've read to this point, I thank you sincerely. I hope now at your point, you can share anything you may know about what is happening to me.
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