I can't quite decide whether or not it's insanity or creativity. I have always had a way of reading people, not their thoughts clear in my mind but the way they feel. I am almost afraid to tell anyone this as to be committed. I've tried shutting the awareness down but through all my thwarted efforts comes more awareness. This thing doesn't work unless I watch you, and it sometimes works over the phone when I can gauge your tone. Unless I get a visual, I cannot accomplish what I'm seeing.
I feel like a monster at times. I try not to abuse my gift whatever it may be. Some form of craziness as I feel what the people around me feel. The only person not affected by this is my son who has the same abilities, almost scary at times because he's only four with the awareness of a soul that I could almost call as old as my own.
I drift listlessly through life not knowing. I try to drown it out but I cannot shut it off. To my dear friends I am known as the manipulator, but only in jest as they find it funny to watch me squirm.
With this volatile moon comes headaches, I could see the energy around everything today and it hurt, it was nauseating. Too much for me to handle. I don't want to give my gift up, I just need better time to control it. I feel a huge hole in the pit of my being wondering what it is that I'm searching for. Am I one of the countless lost souls that has chosen to walk the earth searching for the one I have given everything up for, only to have created a child in this life that bares the same burden as I? To some this would sound poetic, but for me I feel the torture that tears my insides. I feel drawn to the woman down the street with the walk-ins welcome sign, but will she be a fake? I don't want to be the one asking the questions, I want someone to tell me, just tell me something that I don't already know or can't feel it when the time is right on my own. I am learning control but feel as though I might lose my sanity on the path to find it.
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