In Regards To My Child

This has to do with my daughter who will be turning one shortly. The entire time I was pregnant I felt odd. The void of energy around me began to feel almost like forcefield of types. Like I was being protected. From my previous story you would learn that I feel surrounded by a sense of energy building when things are about to happen. We had been trying to get pregnant for a long time, had lost one, and were finally pregnant with our little girl. I knew I was pregnant because as soon as it began I noticed a sudden disappearance of the energy around me... It was like all of the energy had gone somewhere else and was no longer taking care of my well being. This lasted through the entire pregnancy.

As most pregnant women do I had some of the craziest dreams I had ever witnessed in my entire life. However, I have a lot of Dreams about death and spirits that have come to pass, so I always wrote them down and kept close note of what was happening.

Around the end of my first trimester I had my first vision style dream. I was in a rocking chair with my baby, it was the middle of the night. I remember feeling at peace until I look down at her little face. We didn't even know it was a girl yet but I remember knowing but this was my baby girl. I was horrified to see that her eyes were gone, taken up by a sort of static. One was darker than the other. Which I thought was odd aside for being terrified that my baby had no eyes. I wrote the dream down in my journal because it was so outlandish. I had multiple other dreams throughout my pregnancy about my child's eyes and how every time they were a little bit different. In one dream we were sitting outside and she was a toddler. She was looking up at the Moon (she was due in June... The Moonstone). In one eye it was waxing, and in the other it was waning.

Other dreams I had about her included leaps forward in time to toddlerhood, teen years, and early adulthood. And in every one of them I knew she was mine. They were lucid dreams, so I was able to ask questions and kind of got to know my daughter before I even knew her. Even though I never caught clear views of her eyes. I kept thinking that I was only seeing this to comfort my own motherly fears that my daughter would not grow up okay. These dreams calmed that fear.

Some of my favorite dreams involved her grandfather who had passed away, my father-in-law. He had passed almost exactly two years before we got pregnant. And on his Deathbed he spoke with me constantly about the child that we would one day have, and how he wished that he could be there to watch them grow. Well, I saw him consistently in my dreams watching over her and I and talking about how happy he was for his son and I that we would have this beautiful child between us. Before his death we often sat and talked over coffee, and this felt much like those times. I spoke to him about all of my fears and anxiousness and he did his best to help me. He often said, "you've got your work cut out for you, having a child with my son!".

The big day came, and Abigail Rose was born. A whole 10 days late... As soon as she opened her eyes long enough for her doctor to get a good look at her, she commented that her eyes were different. After a few days and a little bit of lightening up, we saw that her eyes were, in fact, different sizes. She had what my doctor called aniscoria. They dilate almost exactly opposite to each other, but are otherwise perfectly healthy. In certain lighting she looks like she has two completely different eyes. Now at almost a year old they are a beautiful hazel color. However one has much more brown than the other. My husband was surprised when he found out that I had journaled about this exact thing months before. He hears about my crazier dreams, so he was more surprised that I had not told him about this. I explained that I was more scared to death that she would be blind when she came out...

One of the oddest things that has developed in the last year, however, is that I can tell that she is seeing things that we cannot. At about a month old when her vision started getting better, she started following an object behind us, often focusing on a particular corner in our house. We thought it was just a newborn habit, but it continues to this day. At about 5 months old when we taught her how to wave, she began waving at the whatever she was looking at. Between the smiling the waving and eventually the clapping and talking to this unseen presence, I started to try and think of who could possibly be visiting my child.

I finally put two and two together when the picture in that corner began to go crooked fairly often. I started to think that maybe it was a sign, and felt like an idiot when I realized it was a picture that my father-in-law had purchased us as a gift for our marriage and our first home. As soon as I realized that, I knew. Her grandfather had been consistently checking in to see how she was doing. Just like in the dreams. When I feel like a presence is nearby at work I usually speak quietly aloud, letting them know that I'm aware of them. I did this as I straightened out his picture, and sure enough as I walked back into the room a few minutes later it was crooked. Since then, whenever Abigail looks towards that area of the house, I asked her if she is seeing Grandpa and she always smiles and waves like there is a physical person in that corner. If she has a favorite toy that she's playing with sometimes she takes it to that corner and plays with it there.

It took me a long time to let my husband know that his father was making visits, and when I did it was a very tough talk. But now even he finds comfort knowing that his father is watching over our little baby girl.

I almost one she has no sense of stranger danger, and is a little social butterfly. So who knows if she will develop anything further than what she has now, but I already think the world of her and she already sees more of it than I do. I will post any new stories of her development if they happen.

Sorry for being MIA for so long! You know, motherhood and all that. Thank you for reading, even though it was mostly rambling...