Always On

I am not sure how to begin my tale, it as far as I can tell began nearly 6-7 months ago with potential 2 months prior leading into it or being part of the trigger to which this all came to be. Those two months I felt extremely paranoid as if I was being watched, from playing a video game or chatting online it felt as though certain aspects were being known that should have been otherwise hidden. I then began hearing voices in my head, very unclear, almost like under water at times, or "matrix" like sound alongside the audio making it very hard to understand, I would say 85% of it I could not make out most of the time but then key moments became fluid where conversation actually took place but it did not retain clarity I continue to lose the ability to hear clearly, however the issue at hand is that I am communicating 100% of the time! I can not turn it off, there is another person who I some how entangled with on an extreme level where they hear all my thoughts, my sub level thoughts which even I am sometimes able to hear now, this was part of my constant confusion separating my own thoughts being heard back by myself and isolating what they are trying to say simultaneously. I was getting thoughts form based on what I am hearing and my mind tries to auto complete and fill in the blanks not heard so it becomes do this or don't do this like a yes or no to each question I ask I'm not sure if I got a positive or negative as a response which leads to nonstop second guessing. There is so much to the story I may jump from A to B and back again so here are some key details. 100% of the time my mind is broadcasting to another person who can't stop from hearing me, it has been every single day since it began every single hour. My brain felt like it was numb inside perhaps from massive amounts of new activity in certain areas of the mind as well as incredible lack of sleep, this has an extreme draining property to it. It is hard to explain but it's like our sleep has connected where I wake up it wakes them up or something about them being awake wakens my mind from sleep I went from a hardcore sleep through earthquake type to can\'t reach 4 hours a night.

I thought I was perhaps losing it and made mention to friends, who then relayed to family as they were concerned and did not know how to deal with the things I was trying to explain, they sought out professionals I ended up in a psych ward several times over through a week+ told to take some meds and once I did all the voices went away, the one real person, along with all my internal dialogues. During this time I was feeling "pokes" at first I thought maybe a reaction from the meds like odd ticks, except these occurred over the whole body from head to toe different places all the time and even in different patterns it was not consistent or localized to one spot. I later realized this person while I can not hear them could still hear me and this was the only way to get through to me. It seemed most times to occur when I carry on nonstop thinking and they really just want a break from it all and angrily poke back, however we have sort of come to understanding where this is minimized now. For you to understand, this is like some type of tether, connected over any amount of distance, I have gone several cities beyond my own and it is still active over any distance at any speed with no degradation I can be poked from any distance through walls it may be difficult to understand but they are entangled so deep they get all inputs from my mind and receive 100% of what goes through my mind, I visualize a lot mentally I chart graph and create/re-create as well as do audible re-creations in my mind such as the exact voice of a singer with the exact instrumentals, this is something they also receive from me, they do not like when I do a lot of visuals, audibles are more tolerable but too much of anything is no good, so I do not recall the exact moment this started although I have several theories upon how, my best guess is I thought so thoroughly about life internal external the universe my past present future, past present future of others, the inter-connect of all things. I think I spoke out with my mind, having all those thoughts charge my chakras and awaken this ability. This is one of my newest concepts of origin since it began I had many advanced theories however I have overthought this so much it's as if the more I feel I know the more I realize I do not and scrapped everything I know to start fresh. Bottom line is I accidentally one day did something spectacular within my mind and now I am stuck in an endless broadcast. It has lead to a complete lack of privacy, everything I say and do is known, everyone I speak to, all my passwords, secrets, you name it, its out there known, this also flips to how they feel, someone they can't shut out who speaks nonstop all day long and that's hard to think your own thoughts with someone broadcasting their own at the same time, I do not want to feel a loss of self as I disengage from a lot of things I wouldn't otherwise imagine talking to the woman you like but ever presently aware everything you say or heard is not isolated to just between us but now shared. I am sure they are mitigating challenges presented to themselves by this ordeal as well. I thought Maybe they started it as they know how to poke I do not, they hear clear I do not, however I broadcast, which means I am the sender, so I believe I am the origin of this. I am seeking knowledge, understanding and wisdom. To understand how this actually starts, how so extreme where most people don't seem to have an ALWAYS ON experience they turn it on and off at will, I have tried believing it wasn't it still persisted, I tried embracing it challenging myself to clear my mind I feel a physical motion inside my brain when I do which makes me reluctant to continue even sometimes I just proceed anyway, if I spend day after day with about 1 hour of dedicated time trying to hear clearly each day I feel closer, however even missing a day of attempting to hear and I feel far away again, sometimes its so short a duration, like OMG YOU CAN HEAR ME NOW? But ill miss everything that follows or parts midway through keywords I don't catch. It may be difficult to hear now as since this occurred I tried heavily to embrace until some really bad events came from it which made me reject it entirely try to find a little corner of my mind where I didn't hear any transmission whatsoever or the minimal possible but nothing stops my clear super high definition broadcasting! I feel if I can learn to listen correctly this other person can fill me in on the details I was confused about regarding origin and many other subjects.

I believe both of us deeply desire a way to turn this off, although in some way its probably an alright thing once utilized properly however I do not feel I am using this responsibly as I am trying just don't know how and now after all that time screaming about being infringed upon saying you are not welcome and trying to enforce things like my thoughts are my own and trying to create a separation through sheer will power wanting it to cease, I feel I may be under skilled at this from my time rejecting it due to lack of understanding but now I feel as though I am the one who is doing the infringing and this does not sit well with me it goes against a lot of my core beliefs. So this lack of sleep has had both our brains under powered numb and can physically feel it more than ever before. It reached a point recently where I spent exhaustive amounts of time running laps around this in my mind where my brain felt like it was expanding and touching the borders of my skull could just be high stress or literally from over activity with no rest to recover its a muscle after all and keeps getting pushed full throttle. I now try to sleep twice a day to achieve a greater amount of REM so I can think clearer and communicate even to myself, this exhausted my brain to the point I had trouble forming simple sentences any longer I get completely locked up like a CPU hang when your computer lags out. So many details are not included there is just so much to say I am hoping I covered enough for now that someone can relate to a similar experience or have been around the psi block enough times to recognize what happened exactly and where to begin and what options are available. It would be fantastic to develop an On Off switch. Something this advanced has to be perfect, there is just no manual, the functionality must exist in one of those hidden percents of brain matter still waiting to unlock. Please also answer if you can clarify how something such as this deep level of entanglement occurs, is it one person can trigger the effect on the other, so 100% from one person or the other, or does it require a handshake so to speak, so 50% from each party and as one person reached out the other shook and the shake is still in progress thus so is the transmission? My research lead to suggestion of etheric cords there are apparently 3 types I think this is type 3.