To start at the beginning, I have always seen or experienced things since I was very young. I would constantly hear or see things and I used to think I was going crazy. After all, I was only 9 when these experiences began intensifying. I'd go to my mother and tell her I didn't want to see or hear these things anymore and she'd pray and use holy water on me and I'd feel better for some time but then, they'd always begin again. I didn't like it because it made me scared.
For example, in our apartment when I was a child, I once saw a woman clearly sitting on a recliner near my bed in a room that I shared with my sister. She was fair with dark hair and wearing all white. She just smiled at me and I could feel she was not there to harm me but, it still scared me. She placed her hands over my eyes and I fell back asleep unknowingly after she did this. When I woke back up, she was gone and there was a small rock in my right ear when I woke up. Years later, I was falling asleep in this room and had a pillow over my head for the light and I really think I saw her again or someone that looked like her although I could only see their bottom half because I didn't take the pillow off my face. I pretended to keep sleeping and I later woke up and nothing was there anymore. She wasn't bad but, it would just scare me to actually see something.
However, on the other spectrum, I refused to sleep in the main bedroom because I just felt a very dark presence there. It's like I could feel and see what this presence looked like in my head but I never actually saw it physically. I just knew based on my feelings. I would describe the presence as a man, somewhat older 30s-40s, light skin, maybe 5'8"-5-10", dark hair, and very angry for some reason. His presence was felt most strongly in the bedroom and would walk up and down the hallway to the living room, following me. I'd always walk quickly down the hallway or turn on the light which seemed to help. I felt as if I could see him without actually seeing him. He would take a threatening stance from the hallway into the living room or bathroom with his arms crossed and just stare at me. At least, that's what I felt happening because I could see this only in my head based on what I was picking up. It's like the images manifest in my head.
When I would take a shower (the wall of the bathroom and shower was shared with that bedroom), I would close my eyes to wash my face and see flashes of things. Once, I saw a flash of a demon. Another time, I saw a flash of a Native American chief. Sometimes, I felt as if something was on the other side of the shower curtain. I'd try to finish my showers quickly. I felt safest in the living room. It's like it couldn't go in there so, I would sleep there most of the time. I'd try to sleep in the bedroom but when I did, an intense fear and anxiety would set in if the lights were off. Like something was trying to grab me so, I'd turn on the lights. That made it a little better but not by much.
Other times, I'd experience sleep paralysis. It began with terrible nightmares but, only when I slept in that bedroom. Usually these recurring nightmares were that I'd wake up (in my dream) and all the lights in the apartment wouldn't turn on and when I'd try to open the door to leave the apartment, the door wouldn't open and something was coming for me. I felt as if I was being attacked in my dreams by that same presence. Then, the dream became that this presence was climbing into bed over me and I couldn't move. It felt so clear and real and like I was awake. It would happen during that half-awake stage when you're waking up which I know such phenomenon happens during those stages of sleep but, I felt like this was beyond that. I couldn't see anything again but, I could feel it climbing into bed over me and begin to choke me. I felt so helpless. I finally told my mother what was happening and she said when it happens again, remember, you are in control and just say a prayer. So, when those dreams happened, it seems I was conscious I was dreaming so I'd remember what my mom would say and I'd say a short prayer and it would just stop and I'd wake up immediately after. It would work each time.
Then, one day while I was doing homework in the living room, I was at the table listening to music with headphones on and with my back to the entrance of the living room. My sister was on the couch behind me near the entrance. I felt someone very heavy-footed and large walk into the room, come up to behind me to my ear and whisper something. I immediately threw my headphones down and stood up. I don't know how I heard a whisper over the music but, I did. I don't know what it said and I didn't want to know. My sister asked what was the matter. I asked her if she saw anything. She asked why? I told her, well tell me what you saw before I tell you anything (so we wouldn't affect our responses). She saw and felt the same thing. Another time, I was at home when I should've been at school. I was sitting on the recliner where I had seen the woman years before. I felt a voice whisper my nickname in my ear. I could feel the breath and warmth of the voice on my ear. It was so real. I was so scared, I just turned the TV up as loudly as I could. It was odd though because only close friends used my nickname (not family) but, no one I knew had passed. I was even on the phone a few days before talking about how only my close friends use that. Maybe whatever this was just wanted me to trust it?
My mom would smudge and cleanse the house with incense and holy water which helped to make me feel calm and sleep peacefully but, only for about 1-2 weeks at a time. We changed the paint colors and floors of the apartment from the original and everything felt better but, I would still feel and see things. Once, I was in another room and saw a shadow of someone on the wall sitting on the desk chair just spinning on it. I screamed and it stopped and disappeared into nothingness. Because of the other strong male presence I felt, one day I finally decided to ask whatever presences were there to leave. I decided to one day just say, "I don't know who you are but, I cannot help you and you do not belong here. You aren't alive. Please leave us alone and leave this house. We have done nothing to you. I cannot help you. Please leave." I opened the door and left it open. I didn't feel the presence again after this. I began sleeping more peacefully and my nightmares stopped. If only I had known to try this years earlier!
After some time, I decided that even if I saw or heard anything, I'd just ignore it. If I had a gift, I didn't want it because as what had happened with that presence, I could not control what tried to contact me and that was scary for me. When my grandmother passed, I had a weird dream. It was as if we were all at her funeral again (which was in our native country, elsewhere) but, my grandmother was up and about but she wouldn't say a word in the dream. (Odd, because this was suppose to be her funeral and she was not well close to the end and couldn't walk, also she wouldn't speak in this dream). All the family in the dream seemed to not notice this. Finally, my "grandmother" comes up to me and tries to give me a hug, still without saying a word. I said "No, I don't know who you are but you're not my real grandmother! Get away!" and everyone else in the dream turned to see what was going on. My "grandmother" pushed me and ran off on all fours like a rabid animal, demon-like. I felt that because I was ignoring things when I was awake, they'd try to get my attention in my dreams. But, I knew what not to trust and it seemed to bother whatever that thing was but, it would eventually leave me alone. When my grandfather was in a coma, I had a dream when I went to visit him that he was better and we were able to talk. He later passed away but, that was the last time we got to "speak" and I felt as if I got to say good bye to him then. Other times, I would dream of my grandfather at times when I guess he thought he needed to show up.
I didn't know this growing up but, eventually, I came to know I come from a highly intuitive family, especially my mother and sister who I lived with and my maternal grandparents and family had many different experiences as well. I wish I had known that when I was younger so I wouldn't have felt like I didn't know what was happening to me. My mother later told me that she just didn't want to scare me because I was young but I told her I was already scared, that only would've comforted me.
One day, I lied about going over to a friend's house to sleep over and my friend and I decided to go to a party. It was in a dangerous neighborhood but, I didn't know that until we were already there. I had a bad feeling. I didn't want to be at that party and I insisted and convinced my friend that we leave. We did. I don't know what happened at that party later but, we were two young girls alone in a dangerous neighborhood and waiting for the train outside. It was freezing and we weren't dressed appropriately for the cold. We waited for the train for so long that I lost track of time and I was so cold and scared something was going to happen. I kept thinking about my mom and that I just wanted to be back home. The next day, when I went back home, my mom asked me if everything had been all right at the sleepover. I lied and said yes. She told me that the night before, she suddenly felt as if something was wrong with me and felt scared and very cold. She got under a comforter but she was still cold, nothing could warm her up and others who were there could feel how cold she felt. No one else in the house was cold and just found it strange. Years later, I told her what had actually happened that night but basically, she felt what I had been feeling. I don't know if it was because I was thinking of her so hard and wishing I hadn't lied and she could come save me.
My mother, sister, and I are very close. Usually, we know when which one of us is calling or we call the other and that person says I was just thinking of you, etc. If I'd take a test I hadn't studied for, I'd be great at guessing because I just knew what the answer was. I'd "guess" correctly about 95% of the time. For some time, if we would say something, it would come true. So, I'd try not to lie because I was afraid it might come true. This all seems to have been at its strongest when I would acknowledge things but when I began ignoring sights and feelings, it diminished. I wouldn't guess things correctly as often but, at least I felt at peace. However, if I try to guess something without thinking about it, like really do it without trying, I am usually correct. If I try to think about it even for a second or actually consciously guess, I get it wrong. It's like I have to do with without thinking about it and just trust my feelings, and it works.
I don't like talking about things I experienced very much because when I do, things start happening again. It's like when I'm receptive and open, things start and I don't like it. I still sense things whether I want to or not, I just choose not to acknowledge it most of the time so I can feel more at peace. If I go to certain places, it's like I can feel the energies of that home or place. I can feel or see things in my head that happened there without actually seeing it. Sometimes I can sense a lot, sometimes its just one or two things. My mother and sister are similar but, I seem to have the strongest ability. Perhaps because I would acknowledge things I felt or saw for many years whereas they wouldn't. Then, when I started to ignore things, I felt more at peace because when I acknowledge them, I begin to feel paranoid or scared. I still don't like it because I feel like once you open a door, you can't control what comes through that and I'm afraid of having experiences with things that do not have good intentions.
However, my mother, sister, and I have always been intuitive of other people we come into contact with. I tend to know what other people are feeling about me or other situations or just general things about people. I tend to keep them to myself but, it helps because I feel if someone has good or bad intentions, if they're lying, and whether to be cautious or not of them. That's how I found out about a cheating ex once. I kept having certain feelings but, I'd ignore them and I shouldn't have because they were right. For example, I am now older and live elsewhere though in the same neighborhood. However, I do not like my landlord. He just seems to emit this negative energy. It's very dark. I don't like seeing him, hearing his voice, or even saying his name. If he stops by for repairs, he leaves this very negative energy lingering and my fiance and I tend to bicker more after such visits. I try to avoid him at all costs. I do cleanses after he leaves and that seems to help. My fiance has also had similar experiences growing up and he feels the same energies from our landlord. It's like we don't like him. His intentions are not good at all. After about a year of this, I really think he has tried to break in to our place. I have seen him going up the fire escape when it wasn't necessary but, he doesn't know I saw him. He misrepresents facts and lies a lot so, I learned to record our conversations with him (within the law) and thus have caught him in his lies and have proof for management. I wouldn't have been extra cautious had I not had those feelings about him.
Just like that, when I met my fiance's brother's latest girlfriend, I could feel something dark about her. It's like a very dark, negative feeling. It's like she's a nice person somewhere deep down but there's something clouding her energy, something dark that's following her or she's carrying. I know not to trust her. It seems to be some things she's done or is doing. I later found out she tried to be a witch for a while but, there are also other things I later learned about her that were negative like she lies a lot, steals, and is a very jealous person among other things so I don't know if she's tried to do dark things and maybe that's what I picked up on.
So, what's going on with me? Am I crazy? Should I ignore things or not? How do I keep from feeling darker energies? How do I control this? Should I even try to? I've always been curious if I should push things further and try to hone these abilities (if I even have any) but, maybe it's best if I just leave things alone... I just don't know.
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"You have your energy, and that energy is everyone and everythign else. "
Meant to say "You have your energy, and that shell energy is everyone and everything else."