Is It Grieving Or Possible?

I will start of by explaining that I am a 45 year old woman, mother of two, who has led a pretty normal life until I recently lost my 19 year old son Joshua to a drug overdose three years ago on Easter Weekend. I was notified by detectives who were investigating his death at a local motel in our town. I felt and still feel like most of myself died that day too. There is no words that can describe child loss. My grief took completely over my life. Sadness and emptiness were the only emotions I could feel anymore. My sons DOB was 11/22/94 and his DOD was 4/22/14. It wasn't until after I lost him that I started noticing the numbers 11,22, and the number 4 everywhere I would look. Every time my eyes would glance at a clock, one of those numbers were there. Coincidental, maybe?

My marriage of 17 years ended one year later and I was forced to find somewhere to live on my own. My other child, my daughter was already an adult and living on her own with my 3 year old Grandson, so a friend of mine mentioned the apartment behind her was empty. Funny because the house now turned into apartments, she was talking about was built by my great grandfather and was right next door to the house I was born in, also built by him. I was comforted by that idea and moved my things in a month later. Everything was pretty normal until one day I noticed what it looked like to me was water marks on my bathroom wall. I never paid much attention to it until it started to grow. Like someone with wet hands were drawing on it, kind of like some kind of energy.

It was becoming more clearer everyday until the moment I noticed at first there was writing and it spelled my son's name. At first I thought to myself, you have been praying to God everyday for a sign from Joshua to know he is okay, maybe it is his way of letting me know that. I wasn't frightened in any way. So I sat there and stared at until until I started to see more forming into the shape of a face. The only way I can possibly explain it, is it was like energy walking across the walls. I saw my Joshua's face and wondered if it was just my way of coping and that was it possible that my mind was just playing tricks on me. I remember I kind of felt happy but knew if I told anyone they would think I was losing my mind.

Things started getting stranger from that day, things started to get frightening to me. I remember sleeping on my couch, my tv was on and all of a sudden out of a dead sleep, it was like an electric shock took over my body. It paralyzed me with fear. I remember it felt like it lasted hours but I am quite sure it was only minutes. I could not go back to sleep that night, but things just started more frightening. I started experiencing smells. I could almost feel something beside me and I would get an overwhelming scent of dirt, and sometimes of flowers. I was scared and all alone. Things started happening to me like I would find numbers engraved in my wood panel walls. I knew one thing, I was moving the hell out of there, and 3 months later I moved in with my daughter and grandson.

Everything seemed to improve after I left that apartment until I started hearing my son's voice in my head. He would say over and over again, please help my sister. It became an everyday thing for me. But not only did I hear my son's voice, I started hearing several different voices and names, some I knew and some I didn't. They would say negative things to me, so I started thinking I was schizophrenic, maybe brought on by grief. It got so bad for me that I tried to end my life. After being sane for 45 years, what was happening to me. The hospital called it psychosis but I knew different. I started seeing things like shadows of people, especially at night. Some were dark and black but others were white and kind of had a light beam to them. I would look up at the sky at night and see them up there moving. Like they could travel through the clouds. I still experience this on a daily basis. I sometimes still hear my son's voice say Mom, but I have tried to ignore in case it's something dark trying to catch me.

I have tried to seek help from physics and mediums online, and some have even said, maybe someone with good occult abilities is trying to harm you. Am I just losing my mind? I stayed in the hospital trying to get my mind straight for a two month period. I have tried several different medications to make the voices stop, nothing has been able to make them go away. If it was medical, you would think the medication would at least help, but no. Please if anyone has experienced anything remotely like this, I would so appreciate your insight on this. I really just want to know if asking for a sign from my deceased son could have possibly started all of this? I'm just a grieving mother who use to believe that one day in the next world your deceased loved ones are waiting for you, I can't say honestly that I believe in that anymore.