Trying To Understand

One of my first experiences was when I was very young. I was walking in the desert and came accost a small bush. On that bush were 50 to 60 June bugs. The problem was that they should not have been alive. They had holes in their bodies some had no heads but yet they were moving. I was amazed by this and knew my family would not believe me so I ran home and got my sister. I raced ahead of her and got to the bush first just to see the last June bug fly away.

After that day I became aware of shadows around me. Things I could just barely see in the corner of my vision. I could hear them as well but they seemed to mutter and it was unclear. I was also very afraid of them. I told my mother about these weird occurrences and I was told to keep it to myself as people will think I was crazy.

As time would go on I feel these energies come to me but I would ignore them and ask them to leave me alone that I was not ready for them. One night I woke to steps and could see a figure in my room. I could feel that it was a very angry presence. It attacked me and warned me to not use my gift. Afraid I attempted to suppress my gift. I prayed and asked to lead a more normal life. As seeing these shadows was not the only odd thing that would happen. I would break electrical things, Radios, and TV would not get good reception. It seems the closer I am to an electrical items the quicker it starts malfunctioning and burns out (Items like my phones, computers, watches, the lights where I sit at home and at work)

I also have a way with animals. I understand their energies and it seems they understand mine. I can see things from their perspectives. I also seem to have a good intuition on things. I know things without knowing. Hard to explain I guess one example was I woke up one morning and looked at my boyfriend at the time and told him his grandfather died. He said I was morbid to say such a thing then his phone rang with the news. I do not have any control over any of these things and I am more at its mercy.

I have successfully kept these things suppressed for years. Fighting with if it is coincidence or if I am crazy. I keep to myself and do not share most of my experiences as it causes others to be uncomfortable... Now it seems like things are waking up more, and I feel more prepared to embrace whatever this is. I feel like everything is just out of focus. I was given this gift for a reason and want to embrace that reason. I just seek guidance as to if this is real. And what I do to bring it into focus. I still battel with if I am delusional or if this is reality... I know I am different but I am very afraid of it. Any guidance would be appreciated.