I guess I will start at the beginning. I have always had the ability to remember things most people don't, such has being a baby or my very 1st nightmare. I was about a 18 months old, I wore a soft white footie pajamas with the pink flowers on them. It was me on a roller-coaster and it was awful, but that's a whole other story.
My mother would always catch me talking to nothing or at least she assumed it was nothing. I even have some pictures she took of me sitting in front of the TV while it was off and talking to whatever. This was in 1980 so pre-scary movie about ghosts and such. So part of me believes I was born with this curse and I will get to why I feel it is a curse not a gift later.
Another part of me feels my abilities were amplified when I drowned during the summer when I was 3yrs old. It was a brief drowning, as my mother was trained lucky for child CPR.
We were in the Gulf of Mexico at one of the local beaches on the west coast. There were daily afternoon storms so it wasn't unusual for the locals to be in the water when storms were rolling in. It makes the waters a bit more choppy and it was fun to ride the waves on our raft. My mom always had a hand on me at all times but a rogue wave caught her off guard and under the water I went. My brother went under too so she was trying to get both of us. She though she had my wrist but it was my ankle. She was getting my brother and since she thought she had my wrist that meant I was above the water. I was not nor could I surface since she had my ankle. I remember screaming and then it went black. I do not remember what happen if anything did while it was black. Next I was throwing up water, vile salty water.
Nothing really worth mentioning happened aside from seeing a cowboy like shadow figure in my room at night, that would speak in a deep muffled voice. Never could make out what he said, I was always terrified of him but felt safe... Figure that out, as I haven't. I believe this was the spirit that I might have been speaking with as a baby but sadly those are fuzzy memories.
Anyway, I started just knowing things that were just weird and some times morbid. People would ask me what I was going to do when I grew they normally got more than they bargained for.
I would tell them I would be a mommy but only for 3 years then I would die. I still remember some of their faces would go from smiles to horrified, as I would just casually go back to coloring or playing. No one ever told my parents cause they never addressed it if they did. I held this firm belief of dying 3 years after my 1st child and I knew her name as well. Sarah Nicole.
I became pregnant at 15. The guy I was with we were going to make it work and get married. At the time I did not know he was in with the drug crowd. Mainly because I didn't hang with his friends. It wasn't until he said he couldn't do this (I was 6 months pregnant) and he was breaking up with me, that something amazing happened. I had a moment where I had the choose, fight for him and make him stay or let him go. I chose to let him go and it was the most amazing thing I have ever done.
All my life or at least since 3 I thought I would die again 3 years after the birth of my daughter. However, when I said it was ok for him to leave and that I could handle raising our child alone, my whole life opened up literally. I burst into tears of joy, not sorrow. I didn't care he left me because I saw what my kids looked like, what I looked like silvered hair on my front porch, rocking a grand baby I presumed.
So, I would still have weird dreams here and there and would see my cowboy ghost here and there but nothing as note-worthy as the last. I was just enjoying when I would get flashes of the next seasons while driving down the road.
Now like I said, I feel this is a curse not a gift. The reason I feel this way is because of how it is amplifying again. The latest was my Aunt coming to me and telling me she was going to die. At 1st I thought it was some bizarre dream until my mom called me moments after I woke up to tell me my Aunt was in a serious coma and might not make it. Normally I don't tell anyone but my husband about my "real" dreams but that one I blurted out to my mom, who was disturbed by the thought of her coming to me cause it had happened over the night. She has passed away, it was a freak reason that she became sick so I can't even chalk it up to my nervous brain thinking the worst.
I'm now struggling with seeing possible infidelity with my husband, who if you knew him would be shocked. He is the "nerdy" type. Always playing video games over going out to the bar. However this last precognition type dream was just about too much for me to bare. So this is why it's a curse not a gift because knowing when someone is dying or possibly cheating is just not pleasant.
Also I don't know why I have this or really how to use it. It's not like you can just go up to just anyone and be like hey there, don't go that way to work, something bad might happen. They would just look at you like your crazy. We watch shows on this kind of thing but when it happens in real life you are labeled crazy so people like me just keep it in.
I'm really not sure what to do with the precognition type dreams and visions that I'm having about my husband. Which while I am trying to type this out in proper grammar and spelling is texting me every game possible he wants for Christmas...
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