Death. Sensing the time when someone is to die whether it's within the next hour or a year or so later scared me for the longest time. I was always shocked with the sudden thoughts of death when just talking to someone new, staring at a stranger, or even being in the presence of a relative (close or distant) and thought I was terrible person thinking that someone was going to die. I felt that I didn't belong and was screwed up in the head for thinking like that when really I had no control of the thought, it just came and went. It got to the point where I just blocked the ability out because it scared me so much and because I didn't want to admit what I knew about that person's impending death.
The past couple of years I have fortunately grown out of that fear. The past couple of years I have grown a lot spiritual, developed my own ideals and beliefs that don't completely fit into one sole religion/religious practice, and came to terms with myself. I'm slowly accepting myself for who I am, what I've done in the past (be it past lives or merely what I've said/done as a child), and for no longer being the broken girl I was in middle school. This accepting and growing love for myself unblocked the death sense ability I so gravely rejected.
When I acknowledged that my Death sense came back, instead of fearing it, I gained a new perspective on it. Which leads me to the purpose of me sharing this story/experience now.
I've come to realize that Death sense isn't as scary and frightening as it first appeared to me. I used to always question "why me?" among other questions for why I was cursed with such an ability. Now I see it as a gift. Middle school was a very dark time for me and a lot of it consisted of me wishing for death. It got to the point where some of my poetry became prayers wishing for death. My wish for death was granted, but in ways I never expected; to "see" death among others. For whatever reason my prayer was granted but not in my own death. That's what scared me the most, without me being consciously aware of how much it did. Anyways, going back to the present, I've acknowledged that I was gifted this ability when I naively opened myself up to it in my time of great need. Now with acknowledged usually follows acceptance.
Which, I am on my way to completely accepting this ability as a part of who I am and currently enhancing my Death sense to only pick up on what affects me directly. It's less overwhelming that way too ahahahaha.
To wrap this up, I just wanted to share and reach out to those who have experienced similar to me or are struggling with their own Death sense. You aren't a freak of nature for having this ability, you are far, far from that. You are amazing! Never let yourself think otherwise.
Thank you for reading! I hope this will ease the fear those with this ability even if it's a small bit and love and light be sent your way.
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