The Grimm Reaper

I have had many experiences with seeing the grim reaper. In one story there was this tall dark shadow about 12 feet tall from the distance I stood, and it stood there like as if it were watching me and it was night time. Two days after seeing that shadow my uncle passed away. Another instant of seeing the reaper stand over my mother in law and it was night time and people in her family counting two people had passed away one being her brother and the other her little brother its like that reaper followed her until she lost those people in her life. These happened in one year of seeing the reaper. Just about three months ago I seen another reaper flying through the sky and disappear into some tall pine trees during the day, and later that night I had a bad feeling because I already knew my cousin was on life support and when he left he passed away only 3 hours after me seeing the reaper. Just 2 weeks ago I had seen a faint reaper like its color was faint but black like any other reaper this reaper was smaller in size and just disappeared into the roof of a house and in morning daylight, and just 3 days after seeing that small faint reaper, my cousin had a tubal pregnancy and lost her baby because of the tubal pregnancy meaning she was only 4-6weeks pregnant the day she lost the baby at the hospital, and it was so devastating to me because I can't believe how this is all happening to me how do I accept these sightings and not think I'm crazy, how do I pray for it to stop only knowing that I have to live with it. Because I have prayed for all these things not to be death or not to be of bad or anything like that and its only something I can see and just can't stop and only have no choice to accept. How I can only think of it now is I have no choice to accept death. Its sad. Its hard for me. Its unbelievably hard emotionally. Its tough. My question here is no question at all but for one thing how do I be strong and not cry or feel the emotion that comes with tears after the sight of a reaper. Its sad.