I am pretty sure that the title alone may feel absurd in all ways possible but please hear me out.
This is the experience that lead me in to keeping track of my "bad feelings"
On June 11th 2016, it was about 10pmish? My roommate and I went to go outside to take my dog out to use the restroom before we went to bed. When we got outside, I felt this heaviness, like something felt off. This was not the first time I have felt like that and already knew what the feeling was. I looked around me trying to see if there was anything wrong near by and looked at my roommate who was also a sensitive (in a way) like I am. I asked her if anything felt off to her. She looked back at me and said that she kind of can. I turned and scoped my surroundings once again and said to her that something bad is going to happen.
I thought nothing about it after that and continued to walk my dog and go back inside my home.
When I woke up the next morning to the disturbing news on Facebook (it a habit for me to wake up and scroll through Facebook before I get up out of bed). I felt crushed knowing that so many people have died and family and friends are blowing up the inter-webs with their prayers and concerns. Parents of the victims not knowing if their child were dead or alive.
For the next several days, I was reading story upon story about the tragic event. I myself is a bisexual individual so I thought it was just because it affected by people like me and my heart just went out to them. I sat there thinking why it was affecting me so emotionally. I sat in my room for at an hour to think about it and then remembered when I had the bad feeling the night before the shooting. I put the two together, like I knew something was going to happen. And like all of my other feelings I have had in the past, none of them were any good.
That day, I had decided to to keep track of my "feelings" on my calendar. Just to test out my theory to see how things play out.
The next feeling I had was on June 17th 2016. But that is another experience for another story to share on here.
I honestly believe that I am not the only one who was able to feel something off that night hours before the mass shooting. At least I hope I'm not.
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Thank you for sharing. Know that you are not alone.
While this was not an instance in which I was personally attuned to the sense of foreboding, I have on many occasions experienced it before. Seeing or sensing something before it happens can bring a crushing sense of guilt, which is unfortunately natural. What you do from here is your choice, and I think you can be proud of the one you've made.
Keeoing records will help you to look back and see any patterns. This offers hope of learning control or understanding in the future. I recommend it to anyone who experiences something similar, be it visions or clarisentience.
It is great to have someone in your life who understands these things, and I hope you can continue conversing with your roommate.
As for why it affects you so, the certain sense of guilt and anguish will no doubt linger for some time, but you have turned this into something with positive potential. I find that when I knew of an event beforehand, a tragedy, it often is something quite unusual, distinct and recignizable. Many times it has been the crushing weight of so many untimely deaths. I could not say whether being a bisexual made you more attuned to this crime of hate, but it is possible.
Know that you are not alone, that in no way will you be at fault for such events should another premonition occur, and that you have the potential to make something positive going forward.
We stand with you.
I believe we are capable of more than we believe. Meditation may help with clarity and tranquility.
I wish you peace,
Nightingale