Went Too Far, Having Trouble Recovering

For awhile now, I've known I was different than everyone else. I know things I shouldn't know. When I was younger, my grandma had a conversation with me that I can't even remember what started it. She could her voices in her head, random voices at times. Not like people talking to her, but talking in general. And then minutes later she would her those voices and words aloud in real actions. Told me my uncle would know things just before happening, like a phone was going to ring and who was on the other line...

My story is a bit different. I know things, outcomes of situations. When I realized I could do it, I started manipulating people around me for my benefit and/or amusement knowing just what to say or do to get particular outcomes and rarely did I not know of an outcome. When it became apparent to me that I shouldn't be changing peoples lives like that, I stopped.

As the years progressed I was able to focus on my life, manipulate outcomes just for my betterment. I've received accommodations, promotions, praise, validation... Just because I wanted to feel better about my life, like I was in control. I never knew I had another ability until the last couple years and I tried not to use it.

When I say I know things, i'ts because as something is happening there are things happening in my head I can't explain. Not visions, only ever had dreams. But feelings, and a voice. Its so quick I don't know if its my own and I get minor details twisted with similar sounding words. I'll explain as I tell you what happened.

A few months ago I was seeing this girl, next day I knew she was going to be pregnant. Knew it, heard it in my head, felt it in my heart. I never told her I had this ability until a month later when she told me she was pregnant. I told her I knew the day it happened. Explained it all to her. We had split up before she found out so we didn't have much contact, we stayed in touch afterwards and the more we discussed the situation and what to do, the more she wanted an abortion. A couple weeks go by and she gets accustomed to keeping the baby. Then the unthinkable happens, she's rushed to the hospital with severe bleeding and pains. The doctors told her she had a severe miscarriage. When she told me on the phone, as soon as she said miscarriage a voice in my head said "no, they are wrong. Its still alive". I told her what I heard, 10 days later she went to have evaluation. She was miraculously still pregnant. The doctor told her that she was anemic and that it would likely keep happening and she could die.

Somewhere along the lines she convinced herself she needed an abortion. I supported it with the hopes of her changing her mind. The day she went to clinic, I went the farthest I had ever reached in my life. Unintentionally. It hit me like a flood. I knew it was a girl, blonde hair, beautiful like her mom, I heard a name... Sounded like Emily. I held onto this for a long time and never told her until she contacted me one day and we talked about how she regretted doing it. I told her basically she will never know the pain I was enduring, knowing what I know.

She forced me to tell her what happened, she's a 100% believer in my abilities knowing what I can do. I told her everything. Her hopes for this baby was a blonde girl, similar to her with the name Ellie. This destroyed me. Ellie hit me in the head as a correct word for what I heard. I've never been able to pull information from that far in the future. Never, and it's haunted me ever since. We don't talk anymore that much because its difficult and she has a fiancé now. I'm having trouble recovering from that, I really am.