I don't know if I'll be able to find any help on this site, but I really would like any opinions or answers to anything written in my story.
First off, let me say that because of my experiences, and several other reasons, I have thought of the possibility that I may be an incarnated angel. One main thing you should know before you continue, is the pain in my right shoulder that I have had all my life. I've been told it's because of my wings, and I have considered it true. My question to you, is where is my left wing?
All of my life I have discovered and used many psychic abilities. I was born with empath abilities that I have learned to control, and have developed ways to combine them with my clairvoyant abilities. I have lucid dreams of places, events or people that I will see in the future, but only recently have I had dreams telling me of the past. It started about three months ago, I had a dream one night that I was in the clouds near golden gates that I had thought were the gates of Heaven. I was wearing white and gold armor and had two angel wings. I turned to my left to see a boy around my age wearing the same armor, with a few different details, two pure white angel wings on his back. He had brown hair and bright green eyes, and he was fighting what looked like a demon.
I had only seen it for a split second, which is why I won't be able to give a good description of what it looked like, but from what I saw it either had a full blood red body or blood red armor. As I stared at the boy, I heard a yell from my right and turn to see another demon throwing something my way, and before I could blink, what seemed to be a spear was lodged into my left wing, and I began to fall. The boy turned around to face me with a look of fear and worry in his eyes and tried to reach out to me, but was too late. I was already gone beneath the clouds and he slowly disappeared from my sight. The dream needed there, but that was not the last time I saw the boy, or the demons. I have yet to return to those gates, though.
A few weeks later, I started getting into astral projection. I shockingly was able to get it on the first try and I found myself above the ocean, with mountains behind me and the clouds floating above me, just out of reach. I had my wings again, and I wore a white dress with gold lining, not the same armor I wore last time. I looked up to find a jet black haired girl with brown eyes softly gazing down at me. She had taken my hand and was pulling me up towards the clouds. Suddenly, I felt something tug me back down and I woke. After a few more unsuccessful attempts, about a month later, I was able to AP. This time. The atmosphere was not as sirene. I was in what I perceived to be hell. I could not move my arms, and I found myself in what seemed to be a throne room, with demons snickering and laughing at me.
The sea of demons around me suddenly parted to make way for a woman dressed in a dark red gown, with horns on her head. I know, it sounds like something out of a child's imagination, believe me, I thought so too at first. She walked up to me until she was right in front of my face and then another, different looking demon stood beside her, both of them smirking. And then, I woke up from the AP and felt a searing pain in my right eye and left shoulder. My vision became dazed and all I could see was a blur of white trying to push away a blob of darkness. It continued for several minutes until they balanced out, and my vision returned, but the pain in my eye has not gone away. I feel it often, but sometimes it feels like it's draining my energy.
Sometimes the pain grows to other parts of my body, but it has never reached my left eye, as far why it is the only untouched place, I haven't a clue. When it "corrupts" several different parts, more of my energy is drained. As far as being possessed goes, I don't think I am. But sometimes in the place of my left wing, I feel a light weight, slimy and much smaller bat like wing in its place and it just feels so wrong. As far as I can tell. They were all memories, the left wing that was injured is the one I can not feel, but my right wing is still there.
Am I crazy, or I don't even know what. If any of you could offer any opinions or advice, it would be very much appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read my story.
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Sorry for taking so long to reply to your post but I felt I needed some time to think about it before replying. Firstly I'd just like to explain that I don't believe in demons. I understand that there are some spiritual beings who might have a negative experience and might be suffering as a result and because of this experience perhaps they might dislike but I don't think it means that they're all bad since I believe that there's good in everyone even when spiritual beings are involved. I've done a bit of research into come cultures. In quite a few cultures demons and Lucifer are seen as evil. But then satanists see Lucifer as something which represents freedom of thought and think of Lucifer as a good thing. However you think of demons and angels is up to you really but I don't think that one demon wing is a bad thing, it just depends on how you view it and what it means to you. But if you say that one wing and one eye is demonlike while the other eye and wing are angel like. To me I sort of think of the chinese symbol of Ying and Yang for some reason. One half of the symbol is black while the other half is white and this symbol represents balance and how opposites are connected. Like the Ying and Yang symbol, one half you is angelic while the other half is demonic which are both opposites in a sense. So I think your astral projection experience was all about balance. That's just what I think of your situation but what you think is up to you.