My Boyfriend Is Still With Me

Jess_19 my boyfriend also died on January 7. It was nine years after yours but it seems our stories are very similar. I'm still in shock. It hasn't quite been two months since he passed away and I can't accept the thought of never seeing or touching him again or looking into his beautiful green eyes. For a few weeks before his death he wasn't acting like his normal self. He was loving and affectionate but he kept talking about family members who let him down in the past or said things to him that were hurtful. He said I was the only one in the world who loved him and as long as he had me he didn't need anyone else. I don't know what brought on the sudden depression but I feel as though it contributed to his death. So many things have happened to make me feel as though he is still with me but I can't feel him, hear him or see him. Every morning I wake up with one of our favorite songs playing in my mind. We both loved panda bears. Everywhere I go I see them. He called me his beautiful brown eyed angel. I see those words popping out at me in order all the time. So many things happen that seem as though he is showing me signs. I feel like I can't go on without him. I don't have the will to get out of bed. I even sleep with ashes under my pillow. I also feel as though there is something unresolved. Am I just losing my mind? Have you had any closure. I need answers. Right now I just want to be wherever he is.

These stories are all similar to mine. My on again off again boyfriend of 2 years passed away unexpectedly 3 weeks ago. We really hadn't spoken for about 3 weeks prior. I had texted him one time just days before but no answer. Like you, I figured he was ignoring me, or had finally had enough of the fighting. I have so much guilt, If only I had stayed a little longer. If only I had been better to him at the end, he may still be alive. If only I could have talked to him one more time or spent the night one more time. My heart is breaking. I see some things I consider to be signs, but I want to feel him and see him. I pray that this will happen, I hope he knows how sorry I am for everything.

This is to the comment from user MFS. Your story is so similar to mine. I am in shock. My boyfriend died in October 2014 a few days after a fight. I told him not to talk to me ever again. Weeks went by and I just thought he had finally gotten over me. I woke up one morning and something told me to Google his name. I did! All these news articles came up that he died in a car accident and I didn't find out until November. I didn't have his families contact information or anything. I am so lost and broken. I need someone who can relate to me. I hope you see this. I need you to. My email is lakeyathatsme [at] gmail.com please contact me. Please. This is so similar, its scary.

I am coming across this site after a google search. I was with my boyfriend for 25 years, please don't get me wrong we were very on again... Off again. Throughout everything in life we always stayed in touch daily if not almost everyday, we had such a love and connection that nothing ever broke us. He is the only person that understood me. He (Robert) died Oct 1 2014 at the young age of 48. I did not find out for a month. We had "words" on Sept 27-28th and part of the conversation/text message was me telling him "never to contact me again". I thought we were just in one of our stubborn spats, I tried to text/call throughout the month of October with no response. I am not close with those in his family and the only person I would consider to be close is his mom but she is elderly 87 years old and has had many health issues. Robert was always very worried about his mom and couldn't stand to bury her. I looked online for a google search with his mothers' name and asked if she had passed away, HIS name came up instead! To my shock and complete disbelief I open the link to find his obituary! OMG... Talk about being friggin floored. I did write his mom a card with a letter that his sister intercepted and we did talk. I am going to skip many details here but since he passed several things have happened. I don't know what is real and what I am wishing to happen. There is a guy that looks almost exactly like him that started quick conversation with me before I knew he passed, all I could think to myself is he looks like Robert. I asked him to send me a sign he was ok when I was alone in a corporate facility, the emergency call box started ringing I was totally confused and had to convince the guard I was ok. I have felt him touch or rub my back which he knew I loved him to do but it is not a human touch it is like energy and tingling. I am experiencing it when I teach yoga and I am in a meditative state other times it tends to scare me. I feel like he is trying to help me in certain ways but I think its just my brain trying to make sense of this. I appreciate reading these other posts. There is a guy that I have been dating for a few years to try and move on from Robert once and for all, he moved in Oct 1st (ironic) enough and he is nothing like Robert. I wish he were more like him because he uses me, is not giving or caring, he is selfish/self centered and doesn't help me with anything. I am hearbroken over Robert and he asked me to marry him for a second time in my life about two months ago, I said nothing. Robert was the first man to break my heart and I couldn't do it anymore... I swore he would never hurt me again but this is the biggest hurt that I could ever experience with him. I always wished and hoped we would be together in life and support each other, etc. I just found out I was saved in his phone as "wife". There is another girl I knew about that he moved in with cheated, lied and she has been all over the internet about the funeral services that I missed. I have written about us, she just keeps trying to hurt me. He didn't want to be with her he moved out and there were restraining orders etc. He told me he didn't want to be with her and she was a pyscho and a drunk. I am just lost and my best friend is gone. I have precious voice mails and have asked his sister for some ashes... I am alone, hearbroken and forever missing my best friend/"husband". If anyone understands without judgement or without telling me to just move on...I'm here.

Well, It's good to know that I'm not losing my mind. I thought I was for a minute. This is my story. My son's dad was killed a few months ago. We were not together any more and at the time of his death we were mad with each other. We had not talked to each other in a while. Ever since his death I have been able to hear his voice plain as ever. I can feel him touching me and playing in my hair. He talks to me about our son, about our past...it's like we're closer than ever. When I go to sleep some nights, it's like he's right there wrapping his arms around me. I don't know how to feel about the situation and I have no one to talk to about it. I mean we hadn't been together in over 8 years and I thought he had moved on.

I read your experience the other night and it blew my mind. Its my story almost exactly. My boyfriend passed 4 weeks ago and his brother 9 weeks ago... I can hear his brother saying things nothing important just letting me know he's here... But one night I felt my boyfiend breathing in my breath something that happened when we were intimate. He is sending me messages but I keep thinking I'm crazy... He and I use to talk so much about the after life and I had asked him if he passed before me (which we sort of knew he would) to show himself to me but not yet I'm just wondering if I'm imagining things because I so desperately want to communicate with him... My friend is an amazing phsycic and she said hes here she even told me where some things were that I had no way of knowing... But I want to see him so badly just so I know we were right... I am so devastated I don't know where to go from here we are connected to the point I'm afraid something could happen to me I have a daughter I can't go with him... I am almost 50 years old I was married twice before I never experienced this kind of spirituality in someone in our almost 5 years we both knew it was completely a spiritual reunion we taught each other so much I'm baffled... The Love was so easy and beautiful I don't know hoe to survive without it. He said when he was alive I was an Angel he used to say really "there's something about you, I think your really an angel" I think I helped him return to his more comfortable spirit self... How long do they stay with us... How do we know when they are here and when they leave... If you can help me communicate I will be ever so grateful... Thank you for sharing our story...

Hey Halah... I read your mail and I was really shocked...stunned...and relief as well... You see... I have been experiencing what you experienced... And trust me... I KNOW what are you talking about. My boyfriend passed away a month ago, and since then his spirit has been following me (few of my friends and my brother who can 'see' stuff has been seeing him following me around 24/7)

Sometimes my bro seeing him in my room when sleeping... Juz kissing my forehead and caressing my hair and he always smiling at me... There has been many unexplainable things that happen as well... To tell you the truth it will spend hours of me trying to tell everything (and I know as well you will understand it).

Could we exchange e-mails? I would like to know more and share about our experience... Its a relief to know that someone is sharing the same thing that I do right now... Its so hard to share stuff like this with people who don't understand it (people who juz said 'you are vulnerable right now... You will be strong... Dont cry'blablabla...

😳

HI Jess,
I don't think it is that they don't come if you are upset or afraid, I think you just can't hear or sense them when you are upset or afraid. Fear just blocks you from hearing and sensing things.
I would try some meditation (both my boyfriend and I were meditators before the accident)...because in that state you let go of doubt and also expectation of what message you want to hear and allow yourself to tune in. I think spirits often make contact etc, it is just a matter that sometimes we can't hear them.
hope this helps,
Halah

hi halah! Your story has made me feel better and curious. Firstly I am so sorry for your loss and I am glad you have had experiences where he has been around! I was looking for a story that resonated with me, then I read yours. My boyfriend was killed on Jan 7th 2008 I thought he was the one I was going to marry. For the week leading up to this death I had a feeling he was leaving me and on the night he died I was begging him not to drive anywhere that night... But he did. Your story struck a chord because I saw a lady who said "he is right here stroking your hair". The thing is I can never feel him! I never know if he is around and I really have times where I doubt if any of this acutally exists! I find myself wondering why he has never appeared to me and said I love you, and it makes me wonder, maybe he is mad with me or doesn't know I exist. I mean there have been some things that happen but nothing is ever concrete, I can always put it down to my imagination and the fact I am looking for signs. Ever since I was little I predicted things and saw and felt things but then it stopped about 8 years ago... And the one time where it counts...nothing? Is it true they do not come if it is negaitve? Or if you are upset? Or afraid? I just don't know something just does not feel resolved and I know well I would like to believe I have had little signs but I can never be sure. Is that the same with you? Maybe I just have little faith now.
your story was helpful. I hope I have not balbbed on too much.
-Jess.

Love never dies. Eventually he may move on, so don't be upset if you can't feel him anymore. But where he will always be is in your heart.

Thankyou mystical that makes perfect sense. At the time he died I had not met his parents but we had gone for a long ride on the motorbike and he rode past their place and pointed out where they lived. I didn't know it at the time but he had told them everything, from the moment we met. And so the next weekend I found myself going to his parents, we have kept in touch, for the reason that, they now know of his last hours and that he was loved, as neither he or I had been with anyone for quite some time. AFter the funeral he also kept bringing into my path friends, and some who had unresolved things, and I was able to say on his behalf that all was ok. He was very proud of us as a couple and I met all his friends, some from overseas, just running into them on the street, after he'd had the accident.
I, too have had moments when I thought perhaps if Id kept him longer that morning, or slept in, he would not have been on the road at that time. But however your loved one went I know really that these things are not anything to do with what seem like random or organised circumstances. There is a time and a place for everything and I believe that our higher selves know and accept this.
He came into my life for only a short time but healed the pain and self destruction of past relationships I had. And so now I know he will guide me to whatever lies ahead.
He always is there for an answer!
I also think that they are around not just for our benefit, their love does not diminish when the body dies and they just want, like everyone to be around those they love.
thanks again
Halah

halah,
He kept coming back to me several times until I understood what his request was. He knew I had abilities before he passed. He wanted me to go to his parents and talk. His parents and I had a long conversation about how he felt about each of us. He got out what he had to say through us letting us know he loved us, Like passing the message on.
That was the last time I saw him. I do hope he went home into the light. That was probably my job to help him, but I didn't know then. I think I let him go that day. I had so much quilt because of his death. It hasn't been too long ago since I stopped blaming myself. See, I knew something really bad was going to happen to him and I didn't tell him. I thought if I didn't say anything to him he wouldn't die. "Jinx" was going through my mind. I tried to search for how and when and never recieved that answer. I just knew. I've thought about going to his parents house recently, but it has been too many years and that would be weird I guess. I do know that our loved ones visit us all the time even when we are not fully aware of it.
I caught my grandmother off guard. She was surprised I could see her. She started walking away from me while I basically chased her trying to talk. She told me she had to go and she would see me soon.
See, he is staying around for you. To comfort you. Our time on earth is much shorter than you could ever imagine. Time is different.

I would just like to ask if you don't mind if either of you have gone on to fall in love again, and if you did, was it any problem having the angel around. Or conflicting feelings. I can't imagine being with anyone else now and that's how I feel, but neither can I imagine being without a "living" partner either.
thanks
Halah

thankyou for these comments it is a comfort to hear them and know that I am not alone.
The accident he had was horrible but it is as you say such a comfort to have him around and to know he didn't "go" anywhere. That whatever happens to our bodies, love remains the same. It is in the quiet moments alone I feel him the most, and it was horrible what happened, but if he had dissappeared without a trace it would be much much worse. He sent me a dream to let me know what the death was like... A complete surprise, someone had to tell him he was dead, there was no loss of identity, nothing... He was still him only now he could move where he wanted and there was no pain.
He sends me dreams from time to time if there is something I need to know and I feel protected in a way... Where I know I will never be alone again.
I have stopped talking about it to a lot of people because after a few weeks they seem to think it is creepy to speak of the "dead"...and I did wonder... How long will he be around... But I think he will always be around, and closer when I need.
thanks again,
Halah

Halah-

I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband 5 years ago in a motorcycle accident and to be honest, to this day he is still everywhere.

He was 22 years old and had so much to do. I feel him, still smell him, still smell cigarette's and I don't smoke, but he did. Our dog looks at a empty corner in the house and wags his tail. The cat would be purring and I haven't even been near him.

:-) Like a guardian angel, everywhere.

I had a simular situation happen to me. My boyfriend died years ago from another cause. He came back to me. Our loved ones always watch out for us and see us after they pass. They are much closer than you could ever imagine. I find comfort in that. I am also blessed to know and so are you. This is a beautiful story. Thank you.