Dreams That Kept Coming Back

Dear Reader,

I'm scared because all my life my dreams were not just dreams. Most of the time, they would tell something about the people close to my heart. Spirits of my dead love ones would visit me in my dreams to relay messages. I would oftentimes experience dejavu moments. It does not bother me that much anymore. I learned to just shrug it off. The less you pay attention to it, the less big deal does it becomes. However, recently I joined a site and met someone there. It was only two days ago that I realized that the moment I registered in this website was also when I started having these weird dreams of myself eating in a restaurant.

Ever since I started having weird dreams when I was a child, I refused to remember them and would forced myself to forget about them. However, this dream was different. It kept coming back. Everytime it revealed more of the place and people around me. I always cared less about my dreams unless someone got hurt in it, so I did not care if this dream kept coming back as long as no one was hurt in it. The more it kept coming back, the more the dream became vivid and detailed. I did not know which restaurant I was at first. It was only after several dreams that I saw myself having toast, but two nights ago, I found out why this dream kept coming back.

In this dream, the restaurant was actually located in a hospital. Somehow I saw myself wearing a white coat and the person who kept appearing in my dream was there. I could finally tell who it was. He was coming towards my direction. I could tell from his smile that I was waiting for him to come, and we were supposed to meet in this place. Everything would have been perfect, but I saw that this person was ill. He was suffering from something I could not tell. I woke up so scared. I wanted to cry, scream, but nothing came out. I immediately knew that this person would eventually become someone important to my life. It was after this dream that I realized I was already developing feelings for this person. It was there all along, I just did not want to admit it to myself. The reason why I kept bothering this person was because I was slowly falling for him. I could not come to tell the person of what I saw. What would he think of me? How would I tell him? I did not know what to do. I decided to leave the site instead of confronting him.

I wanted to run away from him. I wanted to forget about whatever feelings I have for him, but every minute apart from him is torture. I kept repeating to myself that the future is not set in stone. It was not helping that I kept seeing his name today. It was my first time in long years to do word puzzle. I have always been a Sudoku fan. You would not believe it; his name was in the puzzle. I decided to give up with the puzzle and went to get lunch. I was supposed to get lunch at Panera bread, but somehow I was drawn to Chick fil-a, so I went to eat there after more than a year of not going there. I specifically told the server to add honey mustard for my chicken nuggets, but he forgot, so after getting my food, I decided to go back to the counter and asked for my honey mustard. The person who was currently placing his order happened to mention his name aloud and you know what his name was. Guess again.

Are these signs that I need to go back, but what am I going to do when I go back? How am I going to pretend that I do not know anything? I want to forget. Why cannot I forget? Please make me forget. Please tell me I am just hallucinating. Please tell me this dream is not true. I know not all of our dreams are signs. Please help me interpret this.

Sincerely,

Polaris