Blue Creature

I shouldn't write this but I'm at my end. I grew up with a mother who believed that she was my master. I was her pet slave. I lived this way with her until I was 17 years old. I had two very good friends who convinced me running away was the only way to survive my life. Sadly they both left me and now I see that they were wrong. I was pulled out of school and have had no other friends or anyone to talk to. The only way that I was actually able to survive the way I did was through my imagination. My two friends that helped me leave had seen what was done to me from the age of 10 and I guess they figured the only thing they could really do to help me at the time was to make my real life not my real life. I'm not good at explaining things but I hope whoever reads this will understand. At the age of 12 we invented lives of our own by using our imaginations. Sort of like story telling only it was very real to us. In mine I was always kidnapped from my mother by someone special where they took me off to a better life. In theirs they would fall in love. This is how we did it. Calling them A what if we would start one by saying something like "what would you do if you were walking home from the store and a car pulled over someone unrolled the window and called your name" then the other person would answer what they would do or what they would want to do. It was our world and we could do whatever we wanted with it. After I ran away from my mother my two friends grew up making real lives for themselves hoping I would be able to learn what real life was and how to live it. Sadly I haven't figured it out yet, I am always desperately seeking an imaginary fake life to escape to. It has been almost 5 years since I left my mothers house, 2 years since my last fake life, and this life has only gotten much worse for me. I'm still learning how humans are. What things mean. People tell me all the time I'm weird a freak must have grown up in a basement and ect. In truth I know they are right. When I first left my moms I was scared of going into a store. Too many lights too many humans not safe. I'm recently debating on if I should go back to my moms and beg for her forgiveness tell her I will be her loyal pet for the rest of my life even if it really does kill me. Everyone I know right now in real life just seem to want to use me. I'm still sorta programed to be like a slave and have no idea how to stand up for myself. I'm writing this cause I literally don't know what to do anymore. I just want someone to talk What if with me someone who can create me another life. A better one, and won't find me weird for it. I don't expect to find this but if I don't try something I know I'll regret it. I don't want to go back to my mom I'm just out of time.