I am always terrified to talk about what I think that I feel, perceive or any of the above. I often question myself "am I really feeling what I am feeling" Is this for real or am I just crazy? I am 19 years old and ever since I was 14 I would get this feeling like I knew something bad was going to happen. It would ruin my day, just make me feel so discontent with everything. I had headaches, I would want to cry for no reason, and I would feel discomfort with my best friends, then all these feelings would disappear and then bad things would happen.
For example: when I was in 10th grade I came to school one day and I told my best friend about what I was feeling because on several occasions something did happen. But everyday of the week I would come to school, depressed, ill, etc and we would try to figure out what I was feeling this strange sense about. About a week later I woke up and I felt fine like everything was finally ok. I got to school and ran up to my friends ready to start laughing and I seen that everyone was in tears. I had no idea what had happened until Bonnie, my best friend, came up to me and told me that one of our other friends Brian was stabbed to death and killed the night before. Maybe it was coincidence I don't know but every time I feel this something does happen.
There has been on several other occasions that I have felt this way and I would hear my name being called in several different voices. Sometimes it would be the sound of my friends voices, my parents, and some other voice when I am alone. Many times also I feel like something is pushing me or pushing me out of the way of something and I would turn around and no one is behind me. Also feel like something is breathing on me.
There have been times when I feel something terrible is around me and it scares me. I hate to be in the dark because I feel like there is something there or to sit my feet off of the bed. I feel my bed shake though I am skeptical that it is me but I don't know? When I am at work, I think that I see someone following me but when I look that direction, nothing is there. I know that there is something that follows me but I have no clue if it is good, or if its bad or if it is the source of the feelings I get.
Another example dealing with feelings is when I meet someone new, I know, and I don't know how I know, that either they are seriously bad news or they are good people. Something twists and knots inside me and makes me sick to my stomach about someone that I have no idea about and later I find out something about them or something that they have done. I can tell by one simple look that someone gives me or one simple word that they say and I know all about them... I don't know if this is serious. I think I am crazy when I think about this and think that I judge people to fast but in the end I am right...
Another example, when I cashiered before, I would tell customers their total and forget to use their card to give them discounts. Well once again, I tell them their total, scan their card, literary watch it take off money and the amount will be the same as it was when I first said it. Maybe its deja vu.
There is more but I don't know if I am really feeling this. I want to but I think that I am being stupid in the end and shut the door and nothing will happen until I get that feeling and something does happen... *shrugs* I hope that there is someone else in my shoes.
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