Jody

I met Jody at work. There was no immediate attraction, he was a few years too young for starters. He became a friend and eventually a confidant. He finally convinced me to go out on a date. We went to a dance club where I had enough to drink to feel bold. After much flirting I leaned in for a kiss. I'd heard song lyrics that spoke of "electricity", but until this moment never believed it. There was a low current or some kind when our lips touched, amazing. We fell in love. I knew when Jody entered the building; I could feel his presence. I knew I was right because the first thing he did he was come by my office which would take about five minutes, I could time it.

Jody's company was flying him in to work during the week. He was single and free, and I had two children. After some months his job in my building was finished and the distance between us was putting a strain on the relationship. I decided to end it.

There were many late night drunken calls from him, and some very sad day calls. I asked him to stop contacting me. He did for the most part. Every three to four months he'd check in. After about two years he called and asked if there was any chance for us. Then he said he was getting married. I told him I wanted him to be happy. I wanted him to have his own children, something I was not willing to consider since my daughters were growing up. He got married.

Years later my daughter was getting married and I wanted to invite Jody, and his wife, to the wedding. He had been a positive influence in my daughter's life and I wanted him to celebrate her happiness with us. I found him and over the phone told him the news. He told me he was getting divorced.

I was single and by phone over a few weeks our relationship grew. I admit, I was pretty excited. One day I called him at work and he sounded off, he said he would call me back, but didn't. I called the next day but didn't reach him, then the next. A few days passed when I called again and did reach him. I cannot recall the conversation exactly, but he was blowing me off!

I vowed never to speak his name again. I forbid anyone to speak his name around me. I was done.

Fast forward six years later. I never think about Jody. I'm living with my boyfriend. I'm having these weird experiences. Whenever I'm driving in traffic I'm terrified I'm going to get hit. Sometimes when the light turns green I'm afraid to go because I'm so afraid a car is going to run the light and hit me behind the driver's seat. It becomes so intense I can hear the glass break. I don't know who to talk to about this. My boyfriend will think I am crazy. This is getting worse every day.

October first I wake startled and sit straight up in bed, nothing is more important than finding Jody and making sure he is alright. My heart is pounding, I bounce out of bed, I go to my laptop, I google his name, his state, his area, there are millions it seems. I actually pay for addresses. I print them. I study them. It's this one. I write a very non-threatening letter complete with pics. Something his wife would hopefully find pleasant, from an old friend, maybe an old co-worker.

I finally dress and rush to the post office. The driving fear is peak scary. My boyfriend is baffled by my behavior, but there is no point trying to explain, I don't understand myself. I wait.

Two weeks pass before I receive a response. The letter is from Jody's wife. She is sorry to inform me Jody was in an accident while returning from his parents home. For some reason she is compelled to list the details. It was raining, he was driving on the highway, his truck flew across the median into oncoming traffic. He was hit behind the driver's seat and was killed on impact. It happened October 1st.

She writes what a beautiful family I have, writes that Jody was the love of her life.

It will take some time for me to accept this. Why did I feel it? Why, when there was nothing I could do? Beyond that, what was the purpose of this connection? WHY was this connection?

I am happy to know he had been loved.

The driving fear ended.