Seeing Stars

As a kid, I had a lot of weird things happen. I wasn't an unhappy kid, but there were many unexplainable things that I would see or feel, and if I was brave enough to bring it up with other people, usually they would discount it as my imagination simply being overactive, which made me rather sullen at times. I became more rational as I grew older, and other than some random events during my teenage years, I would quickly rationalize anything that happened as an anomaly or that I simply misunderstood what was going on-- hence, there was a "rational" explanation for everything. 

As a kid, things I can remember are that I could see what almost looked like a "grain" in the air. All the time. Even now. I never told anyone because it doesn't really affect my vision. It is just almost as if everything takes on an energetic glow, as if I can see tiny electrons or something, regardless of whether it is day or night. They always seem to be active but I just attributed it to lack of sleep, or caffeine, or any other excuse I could drum up to explain something that most people probably don't experience. 

I always felt like I could communicate with animals. It is obviously unspoken, but animals tend to be drawn to me and even feral creatures tend to stop in their tracks when I am near and simply stare at me. I never found this weird because it has been like that since I was a babe, but apparently people have remarked on how strange it is in recent years when they are out with me.

I found out a while ago that I am probably an empath. I thought it was crazy at first, but I can either feel what other people are feeling or experiencing. I catch flashes of imagery while speaking to them, sometimes like mini-films that last a few seconds and then fade out, but I always attributed it to an overactive imagination or just wishful thinking. If I am in crowds, I become horribly confused and have trouble focusing. I FEEL what others are feeling or sometimes thinking and it makes it extremely difficult to do public speaking especially as I have gotten older, whereas I didn't have any issue speaking in front of people up until a few years ago. It seems like it jumbles my thoughts and there is so much background interference that I usually try to block it out but it doesn't work very well. For the longest I thought I just had some sort of social anxiety, but I am now thinking it is actually the fact that I seem to be processing lots of emotional energy. Going out tends to drain me very quickly, especially as I have gotten older. Sometimes I have to recuperate for several days because if I take on too much emotional energy from a person (especially someone who is angry or sad), those emotions are magnified within me. Negative energy literally makes me physically ill. I always thought it was just a mental hang-up but even when I don't consciously take on these energies it is as if my body absorbs them anyway. I can't read people's thoughts per say, but I can read the person very well generally-- I just assumed I was extremely analytical, although 9 times out of 10 I have been right about what people were experiencing. 


When I was ten or so, I began experiencing dreams that had a turn-around of roughly two weeks. I will have told someone about them (for they were usually quite strange) and conveniently forgotten about them, and then within a few weeks the exact events would happen and the people would remind me that I had a dream that went like that. I have deja vu A LOT but sometimes I have memories of places I have never been to, which can sometimes be amusing. For a period of time, I had several dreams about a specific person and a few years ago he told me that all the events I saw came true-- it just took a while. 

I can sense when I am about to see certain people (not necessarily people I am extremely close with, either). One person in particular I can sense within about 20 minutes of their coming and going, no matter where I am or what I am doing. I am eerily aware of their presence and run into them at the most random places or times, which can be a little freaky (I honestly believe they also have the abilities I do, if you could call them abilities.) I have never been able to see aura colors, but I do see a faint outline (sort of a gaussian blur that seems a bit lighter) around people and animals-- I just assumed my eyesight was faulty. 




I was born on the Libra-Scorpio cusp. I had read that we can have a health crisis every twenty-nine years, and although I didn't make it to twenty-nine before I had one, I became very sick about a year ago and almost died. I didn't go to the doctor until I had fought through much of it, but my doctor was very shocked that I was able to fight it off as most people my age would have likely died from it given the severity. But, since then, my intuition has began working in almost miraculous proportions. I can "feel" when something bad it going to happen, although I can't always separate who it happens to or the severity of what happens. I can sense this usually a day or two before and it makes me very withdrawn and sad. I am rarely surprised anymore when things happen because I have learned that when that feeling hits, I just have to expect the worst and be glad if it isn't too bad. My boyfriend thinks it is absolutely insane when I can predict things that will happen or tell him about my bad feeling before something happens. Sometimes I can even predict what people are hiding from me, and this drives people nuts, especially when they are planning on surprising me somehow. 



As a teen, I explored several religions and philosophies and settled on having faith in life. I honestly never really thought much about anything like this in depth-- the very idea of these strange planes of existence, life after death, being psychic, etc., never really seemed sane or logical to me, so I disregarded anything unusual as being "in my head" and generally didn't talk much about it and eventually it went away. I am in school for a professional degree, nearing thirty, have a stable job, a house, a boyfriend, relatively normal family, and typically pretty reserved and stable, so while I don't deny the existence of supernatural things, I never really took it seriously.

Until I saw a ghost about a year ago. Well, it wasn't exactly a ghost, but an energy signature, I think. It appeared to be a figure, and while I had some friends over, two of them apparently also saw it out of the corner of their eyes, because one of them mentioned it aloud (I was surprised, because I simply disregarded it as a trick of peripheral vision.) Then it started appearing in my backyard for a couple seconds at a time every night at a certain hour, and then I started getting the feeling that I was being watched. All the time from a certain area of the house. I tried to disregard it, but after a few months of feeling completely eerie, it got to a point that I had a friend from the church come to check out the house, and she immediately went to the area of the house (I hadn't told her where it was) and cleaned it out of my house, basically. I had a few experiences at my mother's old farmhouse, where we would sometimes hear men or women laughing, see shadow people, and occasionally hear Big Band music playing. For some reason I didn't feel this was weird and didn't feel threatened, and they have simply gotten used to having house-guests that walk up and down their stairs all night (and that the dogs seem to see walking around the rooms.) It wasn't until a little while ago when I was going to my mother's house by myself that I experienced something I felt was nonsensical. I always juggle the handle on the door a few times to make sure it is locked. When I did this, the entire door began shaking back and forth towards me forcefully and their dogs began howling and barking like crazy. It scared me enough to run away from the door, and when I mentioned it to my stepfather, he laughed and said it has happened to him before and he thinks it is the ghost's sense of humor, but obviously I wasn't amused.

I went to an Intuitive last month because of all these strange happenings (and the prompting of two people, unrelated, who at random said I should meet this woman), and without me saying a word, she pretty much confirmed that I am clairsentient and claircognizant. She mentioned several of these things in depth without me telling her, and explained that my energy signature is very strong so these things are drawn towards me because I put off so much energy. I won't go into detail (because I could write an entire novel from the information she gave me), but it was a very eye-opening experience because I just assumed everything was still all in my head up until that point.

The kicker for me came with the passing of my cat (who was my son, for all intents and purposes, and lived with me for almost nineteen years.) I am extremely close with my two pets, probably more-so than I am with most people, and we both sensed his death, which came on in a matter of a week's time. My grandfather had passed away last year, and I still occasionally feel his presence when I visit my grandmother, so I had rationalized that when we die we are still around in some way and so death to me wasn't really that big of a deal in terms of existence.

The last day I spent with my cat, I didn't even get up to go to the bathroom. I didn't want him to die entirely alone, and I spent those last twelve hours with him in my arms, trying to keep him comfortable and in as little pain as possible, telling him that I would be there with him every step of the way and that I would do my best to protect him. I have planned on cremating him, but had an image in my head of a burial instead (I assume this was from him or some higher power, because I had no intention on burying him before.) After sitting with me for several hours, he wanted to lay down on the ground next to me so I put together some blankets and he laid down on them. I sang to him because he always seemed to like it and got him to drink a little bit of water but he was past the point of wanting to survive-- I feel he had decided he was ready, because his personality completely changed from fighting it as he was the day before. As it became night, I started noticing him becoming increasingly distant, and looked into his eyes, which had become almost as dark as the night sky (his eyes were usually a light blue.)

And then, the craziest thing I have ever witnessed happened: My eyes were slightly unfocused because I had been crying, and suddenly I saw the reflection of three lights (that looked like stars) in his eye, from the side. At first I assumed they were just a reflection of some sort from the light above us or the street lamps outside, but then I noticed that with the angle he was sitting at, both would be impossible. As I stared at these, now curious, they began to pulse (like stars do with our atmospheric changes), and then they began to move around very quickly and disappear only to reappear again. I thought for sure that I must be hallucinating!

He seemed unusually calm and appeared to be focusing on whatever these were that he was seeing. I even looked above me in the air, thinking maybe there was something in the room with us, to no avail. I looked away and looked back, and these calming "stars" began swirling around briefly in this reflection and then froze in a bright arc. I then noticed these shadows started appearing with the arc and they appeared to be human faces, or figures, in movement, but then they disappeared into darkness only to reappear in another bright span of light seconds later. This continued for almost an hour, and he seemed very happy. At first I thought he was communicating with other people, but I saw a "face" that reminded me of someone and realized it looked a lot like me when I was rather young. I honestly became so engrossed in this unusual event with all of the pretty lights that I forgot he was dying-- it was so terribly beautiful and calming. When the "stars" left as quietly as they had come, I knew he was leaving. Within five minutes, his body went into convulsions and I felt the back of his head (where his brain stem was located) get really hot and there was a popping feeling as if something had exploded (I have been told later that this wouldn't have happened from his kidney failure, so I don't know what this could have been.) And with a few cries and convulsions, he died in my arms and his presence completely vanished and I have not felt it since. I have no idea what to make of this and despite all of my searching, I feel forever changed by what happened. Not a day goes by that I don't miss him, and our bond was so strong that I don't even know if death would be enough to separate us for too long, but I am wary of the fact that I can't feel this connection with him at all. 


I don't know if anyone has ever experienced that through another person, but now I feel very compelled to find out what the meaning behind all this strange stuff is. I don't know why I can see or feel things like I do, but if these are abilities that I have and they seem to be becoming more prevalent as time passes, so I am hoping to learn how to channel them in good ways. I feel like I am going crazy with all of this, but after reading some of the stories here, it seems like a lot of you have had some similar experiences so I know at least some of it isn't just me overreacting or imagining things.