So, Guess I'm An Empath

My name is Jessica and I'm an empath. I feel as though I should be in some sort of 'anonymous' meeting. It wasn't until recently that I truly realized I wasn't losing my mind, and what I experience is real. I knew that I was different as a child.

As a child I always wanted to 'please' others. It would get to the point of obsession. Where would my parents guests like to sit, what would they like to look at while they sat, fingertip towel or hand towel, ice or no ice. The weird thing is, other than being a child who should have no concern over such things, was that I was normally right. I would quietly sit and watch and quietly congratulate myself at being a good, invisible, host.

As I got a little older, hitting my teens and all that came with it, I got much more somber. Honestly, quite depressed. I seemed to feel deep down others pain. I remember different historic events in the news and over-empathizing with the people in the stories. Another, more disturbing thing I could remember was knowing who and how they would die. I remember seeing an old lady walking into the local library and just knowing she would die from a fall and wanting sooo badly to let her know, but just couldn't. How do you tell someone how they'll die and it will likely be soon?

The third aspect to my abilities is that I can physically feel pain and illness in others. I do this by hovering my hand over their body and I get a particular sensation or heat. Usually, I can diagnose them. As a child, I thought everyone could do this. I was in my 20's before I realized that they all can't feel what I feel.

In my adulthood I've become a bit of a recluse. I cannot be around groups of people, angry people, sad people. Thankfully my husband is hilarious and rarely gets rattled! But, he's learned he can't hide anything from me. I've gone through this, well, going through, this whole 'gift or curse' thing. When I said that I can tell when someone will die, I can actually see it. It shows up as an aura around their head. It's black in color and is sort of misty. I saw this in my own dad 7 days before he died. I didn't tell him. I couldn't. He had been recovering from heart surgery at home. I still don't know how I feel about this. After he passed at home, we had some very strange things happen. I like to think it's him telling me to forgive myself, although I don't quite know how yet.

One way that it's been a gift is that I've helped my mom to visit loved ones before they've passed. There was an instance where her aunt was in a hospice-type place, but she was being sent home because she was getting better. We were at a parade of all things and my mom had said that she wasn't going to go that day to see her, she was going to wait. I just turned to her and was emphatic that she see her now. I wanted her to leave and go right then. She waited until the end and left to go to visit her aunt. Later that evening she called me and asked, "How can you do that". It was actually the first thing she blurted out to me when I said hello. She said that she went and visited, and was on the way home when she got the call that her aunt passed. I was astonished, but knew. This happened similarly one other time. Out of the blue I called my mom and insisted that if she wanted to see her she needed to go 'now'! My mom was adamant that she was in remission, etc. I persisted. My mom decided based on past experiences that she needed to take me seriously, and went to visit. When my mom got home, she got the call. As far as anything else, my mom is most supportive of my 'gift'. Well, ok, she treats me more as a 'side-show' freak. It does get annoying when we're around other people and she wants me to 'read' them. Very uncomfortable to have someone who doesn't know or believe and having her literally pushing me towards them while grabbing my hand and trying to get me to touch them! Lol It's happened!

One of the most recent things to happen that really blew me away was finding out I was becoming a grandma. I'm 37, just turned. My son, one and only child who's 19, had been acting funny. I have a lot of health problems and he and his fiancee had come to visit me. While there, I had some sort of 'dream' is the best way to describe it. I thought it had happened. His fiancee had said that her period was late and she thought she was pregnant. I told her it was probably nerves and be patient. That exchange never happened. My son had come to visit a week after, and I knew something was on his mind and I knew what it was. I asked if he was OK, and he lied and said he was. I sat on my stairs, called him over to me, and just said, "honey, she's pregnant." His mouth hit the floor! It was funny, because he said, "of course YOU would know." They weren't going to tell anyone because they had decided to not keep it. They never wanted me to know because I was a teen, single mom and I kept him. He didn't want me to be ashamed of him. That would never, ever happen, I could never be ashamed of my son. I knew that he wanted to keep the baby, especially after I told him it was a boy. He cried. On October 9, 2011 I became a grandmother, to a baby boy-Ryan.

All of these experiences have been a mixed bag. I'm still 'in the closet' with it, more so because I hate proving myself to people, but always take the challenge. I like to call certain things that I do 'side effects' of empathy. I am no longer allowed to turn on light switches in my mom's house, sometimes not allowed in my own house. We should buy stock in GE because we go through light bulbs like water! Another fun s.e. Is that I 'know' things. Weird, oddball things. Like the other day, my hubby asked why the frying pan 'spits'. I explained the science of it. Now, I'm intelligent, no denying, but what came out of my mouth was otherworldly! Lol I've explained physics, plumbing, electricity, etc. Like I said, I have a high IQ but couldn't do math or science to save my life. I would have a bachelors degree, but couldn't pass math or science to complete my credits-with tutors in each! How I 'know' things, it's bizarre.

Another side effect, which isn't always so fun or pleasant, hauntings. I won't go into it too much here, but I've always had experiences with haunting and spirits, but we're actually moving because our current house has gotten out of control! Long story short, I've been scratched with burns appearing, slapped, bed shaking, pacing in front of my bed, and so on. What I think is happening is that my gift is shifting a bit into mediumship. The other day my hubby was talking about my dad, and I blurted out a response from my dad! It shocked me. It truly did. But, I guess I'll learn to deal with this, too. I always wanted to be different as a child. Books on psychics and mediums replaced comic books. These were my superheroes. Careful what you wish for, I guess.