There was a point in my life that I was depressed over a girl and I had fallen into a cycle of drugs and alcohol. I began to abuse Ecstasy as a form of forgetting, eventually I began praying, sober and while I was on the pills. My prayers always revolved about finding my happiness again. On days that my depression was it its worst, I would sleep on the ground with only a blanket, it somehow comforted me.
One day I woke up and I was staring into darkness, that darkness turned into an image, an image of my room, I was in a vision staring at my room and at the center of the room laid a baby crib rocking back and forth, I saw a baby crying but the sound was mute, the sun was setting. It was fall, I don't know how I could tell. Slowly the image returned to darkness, with my eyes wide open, I stared at the outline of the base of my bed. Soon after that day, I began having a HUGE clutter of thoughts pass through my mind, I couldn't control them, at times I felt like I would choose some thoughts and those thoughts would lead to a truth for example I thought of someone I haven't talked to in a long time, they called, I also had random events that I would just randomly speak out loud and soon would become reality. I talked to a psychic and she told me I was starting to become aware of my powers, she told me to pray of what I wanted but to always include "without harming others". I quickly became frightened of my power and prayed for it to go away and so it did.
Can anyone tell me if this was just a phase? Or will this occur again? Now that I'm older I feel like I could handle it if it were to happen again, Deep down I do want this to happen again, but I know for some reason I can't force it.
Before this occurrence in my life, I have always felt like I had a huge purpose in this life, ever since I was a kid I have been searching for what my purpose is, now that I'm older (19) I FEEL like I'm closer to that answer, I have an idea of what my purpose is but I'm not quite there yet, recently while I was traveling through UTAH for work, I felt overwhelmed to find the answer to my purpose, so I looked up on google, how to find your purpose in life, that search turned into, the secret of life, which turned into various other searches, what I found was an essay, this talked about God and something about Meditating, that section kept me in a trance, eventually I became light headed, followed by light migraine pains, these are things I NEVER feel by the way, I figured I would try meditating so I did and eventually I fell asleep, I'm desperate for answers, I'm confused and I need help.
Ignore my irrelevant typing, I just can't sleep and I felt it necessary to speak what's on my mind at least to a computer screen.
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