Memory Of My Mother

It's been a long while now since I wrote about my brother my mother never told me about named Tony. She lost him before I was even born. At that time my mother was sick and was dying as I knew, I had a feeling the cancer came back. Well on NOVEMBER 3 2010 I rushed my mother to local hospital. There she was flew to buffalo hospital. Where she stayed in critical condition. Had lot of testing and blood works and ct scans and sonograms. Well she had surgery found to due of bleeding spleen. That was removed. But she was not good. And her test showed she had lung cancer and liver cancer. Well the days were ruff I was there with my boyfriend KEVIN. She was on breathing machine could not breath and lost her voice, her arms was useless swelled up. And more things going wrong. But she was alert and wake understood what was going on. Only could blink to yes and no. Well I told my mother I was sorry for all I ever done that was bad in my younger years and told her I loved her. Well days were long. I stood by her with my boyfriend KEVIN at the hospital. Until the very day they took the breathing tube and bypassed it with oxygen and removed feeding tube and muted the monitor she was hooked up to. Well it was NOVEMBER 17 2010 it was 11pm still my mother was under morphine to prevent her feeling suffocation from tumor in her lungs. She was asleep then. But her heart stayed at 190 beating that was only machine and oxygen machine running still. Well it was now 2am KEVIN and I left to go home the day is now NOVEMBER 18 2010. I did not want to leave but we had to. So as we went home I could not fall asleep right way time is now at that day was 6am. I and KEVIN went to bed only to wake at 9:30 am NOVEMBER 18 2010 my mother has died at 9:18 am. I was so lost then. But I told my mother all along before she has died not to be afraid. Well before that in march 2010 I was to have enlarged liver then. Had all testing all negative now just in march 2011 I was told I got cysts on both ovaries 9mm. I was to have surgery. I backed out yes I was scared, but they also told me possible cancer in my liver along with the cysts on my ovaries now I the one scared I was brave for my mother. Here and scared cat for what? My mother must be thinking wow she is more scared now. But I will say this I got my bravery back and going do what it takes to catch all of it and go ahead and have my surgery. But there is life on the other side and my mother is proof of it. She does haunt my house and does do things to catch my attention. How ever I not scared no more but sure miss my mother and hope to see more of her spirit ways of little things she does. But I do got her ashes with me. But I figure I write more here. I know it's not my time yet but I will post all my stories until it's my time to go what ever I can to ease the afraid of death for others like my mother, not afraid of death but afraid to leave behind so many friends and my family and my kids that's all. Well R.I.P MOM NOVEMBER 18TH,2010. God bless everyone here love peace blueangel777