Reluctant Intuitive Or Something Else?

Growing up my Mother would constantly recite her psychic experiences as a child and teenager. Impressive ones too, such as talking to her dead Mother for two years until her Father finally attempted an exorcism which seem to do the trick until her powers manifested itself into prediction of future events through dreams. I was in constant envy of her abilities when I was younger. She would constantly show proof of her abilities especially once I became a teenager.

As a child I had always been very nurturing. I could sense distress in others and was always called a 'good listener'. I never felt bored by the conversations with the adults. I never found myself not understanding and was always providing opinions or suggestions on a situation. Deemed an "old soul" by most of those around me when I was young, I became very heavily relied upon and where most kids would have a real childhood I was shown a very negative world and eventually went inward.

I have always had a very strong feeling of intuition. I believe at a young age it fueled my imagination as I found myself with the best company always, myself. Looking back I see that maybe the signs of possible gifts were being disguised. In order to escape I would find myself living out various "stories" as I called them. These stories were very elaborate and I felt a very strong urge to reenact them. Around 6 I found myself pretending to talk to a female apparition in a barn behind my house. I pretended I knew where she was killed on the side of the barn and eventually pretended I could bring her back by creating a séance in the back of the barn by myself. As a child this all felt normal to me. I never spoke about it though, I never told my Mother or anyone else about this woman. Eventually we moved and I began having other types of imaginations. Around the age of 10 I imagined a deceased relative walking around me. He came with memories that I had never remembered having before and found myself questioning if the memories were real. Fear eventually set in around this time. I started to notice the difference between what I was feeling and what I was imagining. Thoughts would creep inside my head and I would find myself questioning the reality of these thoughts. As soon as I had these types of thoughts an immense fear would creep up inside of me. I eventually learned how to distract myself as soon as the feelings usually associated with these moments crept up. I became very good at the distractions and would rarely find myself feeling or thinking too deeply because I would simply ignore with the use of distractions. I would once in awhile sense something but nothing would take focus and I could go on with my life.

At the age of 13 however, I found an urgent need for spirituality. I sought this on my own and eventually had myself baptized. Once again my feeling and thoughts reappeared. As my focus on spirituality gained strength so did my focus on these feelings and thoughts. I began imagining seeing beings. I felt them, sometimes I could even imagine hearing them but not with words. Even at one point I experienced what I call a vision. The vision is difficult to speak of because it was not of our world. I felt victimized by these happenings. I felt haunted, terrified and as I struggled to shut it off I had to shut off my desire for spirituality as well. I eventually drew the attention of my Mother and her psychic dreams. She felt there was a war for my soul that some sort of evil crept in at this time. I quickly found distractions this time, drugs, alcohol, boys, whatever I could find to push these feelings and thoughts away. It worked but left its scars that took many years of therapy to actually consider myself recovered fully.

It has been many years since. I am now 31 and a Mother. I acknowledge my feelings and thoughts. I do not give them power although. I know how to understand my intuition now. I don't predict future events like my Mother. I'll have dreams of ones I care about when there is some sort of distress in their life. I have a connection in my dreams to my oldest child, ex-boyfriend and husband. I never talk with any of them about experiences I may have had as a child, teenager, or even things I feel now from time to time.

Lately however things have been getting worse and although I try as I might to keep things at bay. I am feeling a lot of stress and worry. Lately my own health has been bothering me. I try to explain everything away with being stressed out, imagining it, etc. I feel like there is this door I am trying to keep shut and it just doesn't want to stay shut. I am very much a skeptic of my own experiences. I am only re-telling some of this in order to explore the idea that there is more going on than just "imagination". My Mother calls her gifts a curse. I am wondering if I am suffering from the similar curse. A few nights ago I woke up during the middle of the night. There was a strange smell throughout my house. I had spent the day cleaning my house, spring cleaning and deep cleaning. When I went to bed my house smelling of cleaning products but I woke up to a putrid smell, almost that of something burning but not wood maybe like the smell of hair being burned. I searched every room in the house in order to localize the smell. I couldn't locate the smell but it permeated every room, even the baby's room. I went back to bed contemplating waking up my husband but decided if something was burning that our smoke alarms and dog would wake us. I laid down trying to get comfortable but as soon as my mind felt rested I noticed the feeling of a presence in the room. My ears started to ring, almost as if there was an electrical disturbance like someone turning on a TV in another room. I did not move out of fright. It is the first time in years where I sensed something unfamiliar in my own home. I want to dismiss these feelings, but I feel like I need to prepare myself. At one point in my life this happened and it caught me off guard causing years of troubles. I have a very precious life with my loved ones and feel very protective to not allow anything to ruin it. I am also entertaining the idea that I am extremely imaginative and need to just take a deep breath and maybe do some yoga.

I should mention that my oldest child has shown some intuitive abilities. Even some psychic abilities when he was little. I have decided to talk to him about these abilities as I have been very afraid to discuss it with him previously. He finds his thoughts very normal but has told me he thinks he knows when things are going to happen when it is bad and when there is a bad presence around him. I don't know what to believe, are we as normal as the rest or are these showing signs of having abilities more than the average person?