I've always known I was different, but until reading the stories on this website, I always assumed that it was because I read too many books and simply thought about things more than anyone else. I'm a 15 year old high school boy, and I think I could be a weak empath, but due to my childhood I am naturally very skeptical about anything I read or hear, online especially. I've been prone to imagining things to make myself feel stronger, but I'm not sure about this one. These stories that I've read about struck a chord inside of me, and with many of them a voice inside of me acknowledged that I've been through the same things without knowing it. I should warn you all that this one is going to be long, so you might want to skip to the bottom.
I think I started being this way in jr. High, and that's also when my friends started leaving me. I don't think I was doing anything unusual, so I know they didn't leave because of me. But one after another, the few people I had for friends started moving away, until in 8th grade I felt like I was completely alone. It was about then that I started realizing that everyone else didn't think the same way I did, that other people seemed to be numb on the outside to big issues like friendship and other emotions. Jr. High dances always were hard for me, and I always ended up leaving the room for a little while. I tried to go to every one, though, just because I wanted to make more friends.
My first possible "psychic" experience was late this year, so I'm still new at this. I had made what I thought were new friends, but it soon became clear to me that they didn't seem to care about me as much as I cared about them. Then, for a while, I almost lost myself completely. For about a month, I simply lived according to routine, not really enjoying anything. My memories of this time are few and far-between, but I do remember that I couldn't remember my grade school days during this time. I don't think I had a real purpose to live then, looking back, but my mind is sharp enough to recognize that suicide would be the absolute worst thing to contemplate.
An anime brought me back into the world of the conscious. For some reason, I started watching a few episodes just to see what it was all about. Then, it hit me that I was actually feeling what the characters were feeling, most easily sorrow, loss, and strangely, love and peacefulness. I remembered that I felt these things before, and that helped me snap out of my condition. Alas, the first emotion that came back to me was sorrow, because I knew that now I was more alone than I had ever been in my life, and I started feeling that my friends only put up with me, and didn't care for me at all. However, I had never felt love like I did when I felt it through the show, which gives me hope in that I have the capacity to love someone like that.
Right about then, I felt that something was missing, like there was someone I knew I could trust and love, someone who understood what I went through. The memories of being in love like that seem so real, but I can't identify who it could be. Also, ever since Jr. High, I've felt these chills I can only describe as being related to some inner power. Later, I started being able to cause them on my own, but, like I said earlier, it's like there's something missing for me to release the power and do things. I can cause them when I contemplate any kind of energy-based power, but I lose focus after a while. Mainly, I try to focus the power into transforming myself somehow, but it's never worked. Does anyone out there understand what I'm saying?
I know this is getting long, so I'll cut this into two stories. I would like to clarify that I have felt many things that other empaths seem to feel when they first realize their ability (knowing when someone is hiding something, feeling drained at the end of each day, etc.) but I'm still very weak at this. I don't feel the emotions of people I don't know very well, and I have never been able to predict things in advance reliably. I labeled a few more of my thoughts in a comment on my profile page.
There are some other things, but I'll have those in my next story. All I need is for someone to tell me if this is real or something my imagination made up to make me feel better. Much as I would like to think I'm special, all I really need is a straight answer. Thank you all for listening to me.
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