I am somewhat of an empiricist. I need to see things to believe them, and there are things that I have seen that I struggle to understand. When I am in a relaxed state, but fully conscious and aware of my surroundings (usually when I'm readying myself for sleep, lying still, on my back, in the dark) my thoughts often 'zone-out' and its as if I can see quite vividly from out of my forehead. To be more accurate, it feels like my eyes and my mind merge to become the one sensory organ. I am able to shift my perceptions from one area of my mind to another, and this feels like rows of cognition, as if it were rows of seats in a movie theatre, with a picture screen for each row of seats. I hope that makes sense.
At times when I'm laying on my back in the dark, I am unable to determine whether my eyes are open or closed. I have to blink to confirm it. Sometimes it's as if I can see through my eyelids. I can see dark shapes, or shadows swirling all around my bedroom in the darkness. I don't have to strain to see these. They seem to be conscious of the fact I am aware of their presence. At times they seem sinister, but most of the time just benevolently curious of my ability to perceive them. When I maintain my gaze, they often loom and get right in my face. The sensation is an adrenaline rush that sometimes frightens me. I'm training myself to not be fearful, though it is difficult.
Sometimes my thoughts are invaded by involuntary images; thoughts that I did not consciously manifest. Visions if you would name them so. I have seen faces, cast in blue light. From time to time I am able to close my eyes and envision my third eye, and it is a like an eddy of electric purple and blue colours. Once I saw a void, like a doorway, and in the middle of this doorway was the omega symbol, illuminated. This particular vision was before my very eyes and it was not dark at all.
I used to, if I passively focused when 'zoned out', be able to see a point of light in between my peripheral and direct line of vision that would disappear as soon as I attempted to cast my eyes directly on it. Now I am able to see whole constellations of these points of light. Its as though I'm staring through my ceiling and looking at the midnight sky fall of stars.
I seem to have episodes of rapid-eye-movement while I'm fully conscious, something I can't 'turn off' when it happens. My mind is constantly active and I remember nearly all of my dreams. I have memories that are fantastic, but seem to real to be figments of my imagination.
I have a lot more to say, but I'm interested in a response or two before I share any further. J
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